jenjen83 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I hacked my ex's account on a forum we both post on and found a message he had sent to a mutual friend which said ''you're spot on, the spark just wasn't there, but we had fun. who knows, this might be one I regret letting slip away. we had a lot in common, but were also very different in many ways'' Do you believe in the spark? If I fancy someone and enjoy being with them that's enough for me,but maybe you need amazing chemistry?
geegirl Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I think spark means atttraction, to me. I may enjoy being with them but if there's no attraction or if it's dead, then it would be hard to push through for the long run in a relationship type scenario.
YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I think spark means atttraction, to me. I may enjoy being with them but if there's no attraction or if it's dead, then it would be hard to push through for the long run in a relationship type scenario. Girls, Can you answer something for me? How the hell does spark/attraction die in 3 months? Especially if the girl always found you attractive and would constantly want to be around you during that time frame. Do you think some girls say the loss of that is a cop out for ending a relationship?
Author jenjen83 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 I need a man to answer that too!
YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I need a man to answer that too! Jen, For me it would be I have lost interest in the girl. If I found her attractive before I would still never lose my attraction for her. I don't know if it is different for girls or guys. So in sense I would still envision myself hooking up with her but would no longer want a relationship with her.
YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I think looks matter a lot less for a girl then it does for a guy. If a guy is attracted to a girl sexually, they will never lose that attraction. Can a girl still be sexually attracted to a guy but not have a spark? Aka want to still sleep with a guy but doesn't want a relationship with him?
Rorschach64 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Attraction is important but I think a relationship should be deeper than this, if it isn't then yes it will fail in the end. Also if you ask anyone that has been married or in a long long term relationship, things have their up's and down's but if you are mature, have love for the other person, and all that fun stuff then you'd stick by that person no matter what. So by that thinking I think the spark is just another lame excuse to get out, but that's just my opinion.
Berlington Bob Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 It's simple to explain... tough to accept... The spark we feel isn't so much attraction or chemistry (although they play a big role)... The spark you feel toward your S/O is that you believe they are making your life good and complete and we all know its the best feeling in the world. Sometimes we are going through very stressful times though or one of the two is in a rut or just too busy to give or recieve enough attention for them to feel complete in their life. In my situation my ex was working about 50 hours a week and a full time student... Even though I would try to help her out since I was an unemployed student, her subconscious felt that one of the 3 big things in her life had to go. Since she needed work (which she hated) to pay for the house and all the bills and since she needed school to get a better job so she wouldn't hate work, i'm not really supprised that I was the one who had to go. Even though I was the one good thing in her life stress convinced her she needed a change. When people say the spark is gone they usually dont mean they dont feel attracted to you anymore unless you somehow got really ugly to them or your personality changed a lot. It all boils down to the totallity of the circumstances in their life at that time. Be it G.I.G.S., stress or whatever. Only thing we can do is remember that in our next relationship and try to watch for the red flags so we can do things like take them out to their favorite spot or supprise them with a weekend getaway. Just keep the passion going.
Berlington Bob Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Attraction is important but I think a relationship should be deeper than this, if it isn't then yes it will fail in the end. Also if you ask anyone that has been married or in a long long term relationship, things have their up's and down's but if you are mature, have love for the other person, and all that fun stuff then you'd stick by that person no matter what. So by that thinking I think the spark is just another lame excuse to get out, but that's just my opinion. I also agree with that... I got through all the times when I thought MY spark was gone for her by remembering what Rorshach just said... I even used to suffer from G.I.G.S. myself but was able to overcome it and just accept that I was happier with her even not knowing if there was someone better out there.
geegirl Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 (edited) Attraction is important but I think a relationship should be deeper than this, if it isn't then yes it will fail in the end. Also if you ask anyone that has been married or in a long long term relationship, things have their up's and down's but if you are mature, have love for the other person, and all that fun stuff then you'd stick by that person no matter what. So by that thinking I think the spark is just another lame excuse to get out, but that's just my opinion. Everything Rorsch said. Attraction has to be more than just surface level. A guy may be physically average to me but if there's substance within him, I find that incredibly attractive. If after 3 months she's lost it, I would assume, it was surface level "attraction". And it's not gender specific. Edited November 17, 2011 by geegirl
Rorschach64 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 There is also the personality thing with immature individuals. Some people just don't understand how relationships evolve and turn about. I will use my ex-fiancee as an example. She said that I lost myself in the relationship because I would think in terms of US not just myself, like us going to Phuket or Disney World together...doing stuff together. Further more she went on to say that when she saw me that she only saw herself because I took it upon myself to become interested in things she liked to do or listen to or read. I dunno if I am just crazy or not....but is she wrong?
lolita jade Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 rors Had she found someone else when she said this to you? Sounds like something you would say just to justify the break up. If you love someone you want to spend lots of time with them.
Rorschach64 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Bingo Bango Jade, she most certainly did with typical fashion and grace she denied such accusations even though she confessed that she found someone else to a friend merely 4 days after the break up. Sometimes I think people should go through a relationship class before actually getting in to one :|
Teuen101 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Agree seems like she checked out. mine did the same thing, its like all the sudden they find all these flaws about you as a person and it just seems to happen over night. what they are trying to say is they want out and want to be with some one else, just trying to make them self feel better. and make you feel guilty. I know, i did everything i could for my ex, everything . I was the perfect cartaker. lol
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