mark-kram Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Hi All, I'm new here and I really need opinions cause it's on a delicate subject. A couple of months ago I walk in at work and see a girl I knew at highschool and university, she had just started working at my company (note that she does not work in my department I barely see her if we don’t agree to meet for a coffee). I never had an intimate relationship with her, but we talked a couple of times and knew each other at school. I basically like this girl, a lot, her character is what I look for in a girl. The current scenario is this: I started approaching the girl during her first few weeks here at work, helping her induction and I am sure she appreciated this. We went for a couple of coffees at the canteen in the afternoon talking, and we often chat on our pc during work, and we often leave work together and walk to the parking lot. A week ago I told her that if she will be in a certain place during the weekend she can text me if she wants to meet, and she did and we talked a bit casual usual stuff but we were in a group so might be interpreted as friends stuff. Sometime after I left she texted that she enjoyed the visit so that gave me a hint there might be something here! Last week we went for a coffee after work hours and we talked etc. When I got back home I texted her like she did last time to show her that there’s some interest and she replied that she enjoyed it too. Now I’m in a big dilemma, I didn’t want to rush things up cause she’s also a friend so I don’t want to ruin our relationship if she still has not a crush on me but I discovered one thing. There’s another guy in my office (not her department) who TRIES to look like a playboy with all the girls, he is really outgoing and not like me, he is very relaxed when talking to girls and I know he chats often with her too on pc and I’m sure they talked a couple of times too. Last time when leaving work I made it clear I'll wait for her to show him that hey I'm also here on this girl. I’m sure he is not so advanced as I am with this girl but I am afraid he might catch up! His character is exactly the opposite of her’s, she’s quite he isn’t but you never know as they say opposites attract. I know she’s a girl that is ashamed to say no to someone so I’m afraid that if he’s more determined and makes some moved I might lose her. Also I am often the one to start chat at work (she did sometimes but 95% it's me for a first contact). As I said she isn't a girl that says no so I am worried she just talks or continues with me cause she's very friendly and not cause there's a crush. My plan is to ask her again for a coffee after work and to meet in the weekend but no fixed date just casual, then the following week I ask her out at a winebar just us two during weekend night. What do you think? I need advice on anything I’m not doing well or could do better! Thanks a lot! Mark
jobaba Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Now I’m in a big dilemma, I didn’t want to rush things up cause she’s also a friend so I don’t want to ruin our relationship if she still has not a crush on me but I discovered one thing. There’s another guy in my office (not her department) who TRIES to look like a playboy with all the girls, he is really outgoing and not like me, he is very relaxed when talking to girls and I know he chats often with her too on pc and I’m sure they talked a couple of times too. Last time when leaving work I made it clear I'll wait for her to show him that hey I'm also here on this girl. I’m sure he is not so advanced as I am with this girl but I am afraid he might catch up! His character is exactly the opposite of her’s, she’s quite he isn’t but you never know as they say opposites attract. I know she’s a girl that is ashamed to say no to someone so I’m afraid that if he’s more determined and makes some moved I might lose her. Also I am often the one to start chat at work (she did sometimes but 95% it's me for a first contact). As I said she isn't a girl that says no so I am worried she just talks or continues with me cause she's very friendly and not cause there's a crush. My response to your story is ... Awww, that's sweet. Well, I don't know anything about what any of the three of you look like and that is key, but... I would act now if I were you. The earlier you act, the less you will have invested emotionally in her, and the less awkward it will be if/when she rejects you. You made no mention of the awkwardness at work that would be created if you two started dating. That is something to consider. Sounds like you're pretty dead set on it though. So go for it. As for the other guy in the picture, I'll be honest with you. 9 out of 10 times (without knowing what you guys look like), that guy is going to beat you to the girl. You need to up your game and put in your head that YOU are that smooth guy. The nice quiet shy guy never beats the smooth confident guy to the girl.
Author mark-kram Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 (edited) My response to your story is ... Awww, that's sweet. Well, I don't know anything about what any of the three of you look like and that is key, but... I would act now if I were you. The earlier you act, the less you will have invested emotionally in her, and the less awkward it will be if/when she rejects you. You made no mention of the awkwardness at work that would be created if you two started dating. That is something to consider. Sounds like you're pretty dead set on it though. So go for it. As for the other guy in the picture, I'll be honest with you. 9 out of 10 times (without knowing what you guys look like), that guy is going to beat you to the girl. You need to up your game and put in your head that YOU are that smooth guy. The nice quiet shy guy never beats the smooth confident guy to the girl. Thanks for your reply. Well a brief description of us. She's a normal cute but no super sexy girl, normal and cute. She is exactly my age. The other guy is 2 years older than us, nomal looking guy just like me, nothing special but he's a bit more athletic than I am. But character wise, I don't think he matches a lot, he's a bit too much show off, fanatic on his diet (she loves food and she's skinny!) he's the party party show off type, she loves to spend those quiet weekends even with her family. Loves walks in the country side, picnics, and many more things that we have in common. He's always chatting with the girls at work and I think he never managed to gain something, he just talks and I think tries to put those little messages that can succeed in loosening up someone. When I go by next to his pc to talk to him he would be chatting with even 3 of the girls at work so he's not focused on this special girl, if you know what I mean. Personally I don't give a thing about office gossip if we get together or something like that, it doesn't affect me at all (I don't know what she thinks). Today we again walked to the parking lot together, we do it almost everyday, we wait for the other one to finish and meet. Last time she was chatting also with the other guy, I know it, but she didn't tell him she'll be off and to wait her, instead she told me and when we were leaving work, I told him that I'll wait for her just to highlight this! The problem is that we both have some commitments after work with training and education so we almost have only 1 day during the week when we can go have something after work and that's a monday! not the ideal post working day! I don't want to rush things with the risk of ruining everything if she's not into me, but I can't also take long cause there's the other guy's risk now!!! how should I proceed, please help!! Ladies, come on what would you want if you were this girl, what do you think she's thinking? thanks Edited November 17, 2011 by mark-kram
Author mark-kram Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 No you should not ask her out because you are way too insecure as proven by the huge amount of time you are wasting over-thinking this. The same insecurity you are displaying here will shine out like a beacon in real life and she will not be inclined to want to socialize with you after work. I'm just insecure on what she's thinking. I'm determined on what I feel about her! We already went out on after work socializing and we talked and joked no problems, I was very fluent etc.
Author mark-kram Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 So stop thinking about it and have fun. I mean it's like everyone's living their life like it's a Woody Allen film nowadays. man, I just wanted to get some opinions maybe from experiences other had with co-workers or friends being asked out! Still want to hear some opinions from ladies, I need a non-biased opinion
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