Von Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Im listening to Betraying the Martyrs and I read the lyrics, I read some old posts by homebrew... Ahh it makes sense let me share... For the guy dumpees, and this goes in line with NC. Ask yourself, what would a "real man" do when dumped? If you had high self esteem, high confidence, and loved yourself.. How would you handle a breakup? You would be like "ok, good luck, take care". It wouldnt phase you. You wanna dump me, YOUR LOSS. Thats the right mindset to have. Let go because you love and respect yourself. NC is about healing yourself right? Then do that. Strong manly men dont beg, dont try to reason, guilt, or plead your ex into staying. They let go and move on. Be a f'n man and cut it loose. Let her see what your made of. Dont wuss out and stick around. Say "see ya". Goodbye.* Im saying this because I realize i was just a rebound. My ex had signs of G.I.G.S., a runner/jumper, made classic breakup excuses, and used me to get over her baby daddy but then as soon as he showed back up to be a part of the baby's life she uses the littlest non-issue healthy relationship talk to leave me. Screw that.* Dont beg. Dont plead. Dont be a wuss. Leave on a good note and cut your losses. Ya she told me she loved me, she told me I was the best man she ever met, but at the end I was nothing to her because she left me, and he was in the back of her mind the whole time... I was just the in between rebound guy. Shoulda seen it coming. Should have paid attention to the red flags in the beginning. Lesson learned. Dont get with a girl that soon after a breakup. especially who 4 months prior dumped a guy due to vague reasons, then meets you and lives in a dream bubble until he shows back up. what im saying to remember is, if you love youself, do yourself a favor and let go. Go NC because you deserve it. Your confidence attracted her in the first place, and it will attract the next girl. Place faith that the right girl will find you that wont bounce at the first sign of trouble, or for any reason for that matter. Healthy relationships have communication, give and take, and compromise. If you dont have that then you are wasting your time. Find someone who can give all that.* * Real strong men dont give in so easily. They are a challenge. They value themselves enough to let go, because letting go takes strength. I made the mistake at the end of my relationship to reason, half guilt, and sell myself. I left a bad impression. Every bone in my body wants to leave her with a awesome impression of me. As back and forth as I am with that, only if i was weak and didnt love her enough to set her free would I break NC to waste my words on nothing. she isnt coming back anytime soon, and even if she did it would take Gods will for me take her back.* Go NC forever. Let it go. Thats what manly men do. I love myself. And thats enough to be able to give love the right way next time Thanks wilsonx for the inspiration.* Listen to these lyrics by that band:* Song: because of you "but now its done, I may cry, I may lie, it doesnt matter, im free now, im free to smile, im free now, im free for once, im free now... We scream, we pray hard, because its done now".
lymtal1 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 von, thanks for your post it hit home pretty well. i did not do any begging, or pleading. but i do think at times i go to this woe is me place because i don't have her. so then i read your post and it kinda put me in a better place where i started thinking about me and what i have going for me. ah, yea it is totally her loss. i really have my act together in just about every realm of life. and where i came from after the b/u is big steps that i needed to take and is very gratifying. when i was with her i was not the person that i was before we got together. i became a co-dependent shell of my previous self. i want that person back. i am close and reading what you wrote made me realize it, so thanks for smacking me upside the head.
Jono85 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 toally agree bud. this is exactly what i've been preaching in this thread vvvvv ... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t307068/ wish her well and be done. but don't break that NC sh-t. i see so many ppl on here breaking NC, i feel so bad for them for they're weak (in those moments anyway). even if you are heart broken, which is only human, don't show it. don't fight for her. i can tell you that ANYONE who dumps someone will not need the dumpee to beg, to realize they made a mistake. do u actually want the dumper back if u need to beg or guilt them to take u back?? ask yourself that. if it does happen to work out, it will only be a matter of time before ur heart broken again, b/c u were taken back out of sympathy. so just accept it, don't be bitter towards them (even if you feel bitter in the inside which is natural). just wish them well, and move on with ur life. that's what classy, confident, high-value men do.
Berlington Bob Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Yeah, totally agree and reading that makes it easier... I think i'll get a picture of Chuck Norris and put it on the wall behind my computer so I can be like "Chuck Norris is so invulnerable that Megan Fox could leave him for a hippie and the fist behind his beard wouldn't even cry" I think it's hardwired in us guys to make it easier when we think of what Chuck Norris would do.... and that just helped me get through the day.
Author Von Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 von, thanks for your post it hit home pretty well. i did not do any begging, or pleading. but i do think at times i go to this woe is me place because i don't have her. so then i read your post and it kinda put me in a better place where i started thinking about me and what i have going for me. ah, yea it is totally her loss. i really have my act together in just about every realm of life. and where i came from after the b/u is big steps that i needed to take and is very gratifying. when i was with her i was not the person that i was before we got together. i became a co-dependent shell of my previous self. i want that person back. i am close and reading what you wrote made me realize it, so thanks for smacking me upside the head. Hey no problem, it made me realize too. That im better than this and I deserve better treatment from someone I love. In fact I still love her and miss her, but I love myself too and Im happy with who I am so it doesnt hurt as much. Im already getting over her pretty quickly and my memories of her are turning to fond ones. Ya.... I kinda left that bad impression. I tried to reason with her and work things out when she was doin the dumping. Thankfully I didnt beg or get crazy. But since I wasnt convincing her I told her I respected her decision. I did send an email later that day basically saying I lover her and wish we could start over, but I wasnt asking and I respected her decision and I felt bad about seeming jealous and insecure ONE time, which seemed a non-issue. Anyways the reason im telling this again is because a confident guy with self esteem and self control, will let that girl go gracefully and move on. You wanna leave me? No big deal take care have fun. Your loss. I bet whoever is her rebound guy is gunna get the brunt of my NC. In other words even though I think I was a rebound, he will be a rebound to me because I didnt treat her like **** and beg when she left me. She'll remember. I know it. She'll realize one day all these other guys shes been with are pathetic loser douche bags and I wasnt. Its unlikely ill ever hear from her again, but if I do, she will get nothing from me. Man I love NC. Its freakin awesome knowing im not on the recieving end of string along games. Its awesome having my power back. Im proud of myself. And you know what? My next girl is gunna be even better too.
DownNotOut Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Great post Von - couldn't have said it better myself. Our situations parallel each other, I think I commented on one of your other posts: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t305160/ My gal ran at the first sign of trouble and was having an emotional and probably physical relationship with her ex-baby daddy, who is a deadbeat loser. I knew about it and she lied to my face - my answer NC - I haven't talk to her in over a month even with her repeated attempted to contact me. I think shes finally understanding that I'm done with her - because her contact is slowly waning. We'll both find what were meant to find in the end - I know that.
Author Von Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 Great post Von - couldn't have said it better myself. Our situations parallel each other, I think I commented on one of your other posts: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t305160/ My gal ran at the first sign of trouble and was having an emotional and probably physical relationship with her ex-baby daddy, who is a deadbeat loser. I knew about it and she lied to my face - my answer NC - I haven't talk to her in over a month even with her repeated attempted to contact me. I think shes finally understanding that I'm done with her - because her contact is slowly waning. We'll both find what were meant to find in the end - I know that. Wow ya that does sound similar. I feel sorry for these girls. They are obviously messed up inside. I dont want that kind of unhealthy person in my life. You can call it GIGS, immaturity, emotionally unstable, whatever... The result is the same, they dont deserve great guys while they are like that. Maybe someday our exes will snap out of it but by then we will be long gone in happy healthy relationships. I let her go, because I love her. My love wasnt fake. Its her loss now. I got the better end of the deal because I get to move on to a healthier woman. And For the first time in my life i know for sure that not only is my heart in the right place but that I know how to have a healthy relationship. We had that up unitl the breakup. So now I know. NC FTW!
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