MashedPotatoes Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I've been talking with this girl at a coffee house that I frequent often and definitely get the sense that she is interested. She seems genuinely interested in what I have to say and she feels comfortable enough around me to prolong our conversations. Whenever there's a slight lull, she often reinitiates the conversation and asks semi-personal questions. She maintains good eye contact, laughs/giggles, and smiles a lot. She broke the touch barrier and actually went out of her way to do so. She asked me my age the first time we met and is always "interested" in whatever book I happen to be reading that day. So, earlier today, while hanging out at the cafe and doing some reading, she came in and ordered a drink to go. She saw me at a table and immediately came over, sat down, and we started talking. I know that she enjoys my company...given the fact that she had somewhere else to be, instead decides to sit down and talk for about 30 min or so. Right before she left, I asked her if she was currently seeing anyone and if not, that I'd like to take her out...she responded with this: "No, I'm not seeing anyone. There's a reason why I'm not dating right now, but yeah let's give it a shot. No pressure, let's hang out..." Now, her response completely threw me off as I was so sure that she was going to give me a direct "yes." Is she actually interested, but just cautious of coming off as too eager? Would a girl who's not interested in a guy want to "hang out" with said guy? Does hanging out imply only within a group a setting or would be ok for me to suggest that we hang out solo? Help me in deciphering this crazy womanese!! I'm 30 and she's 29 btw. Thanks.
jobaba Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I've been talking with this girl at a coffee house that I frequent often and definitely get the sense that she is interested. She seems genuinely interested in what I have to say and she feels comfortable enough around me to prolong our conversations. Whenever there's a slight lull, she often reinitiates the conversation and asks semi-personal questions. She maintains good eye contact, laughs/giggles, and smiles a lot. She broke the touch barrier and actually went out of her way to do so. She asked me my age the first time we met and is always "interested" in whatever book I happen to be reading that day. So, earlier today, while hanging out at the cafe and doing some reading, she came in and ordered a drink to go. She saw me at a table and immediately came over, sat down, and we started talking. I know that she enjoys my company...given the fact that she had somewhere else to be, instead decides to sit down and talk for about 30 min or so. Right before she left, I asked her if she was currently seeing anyone and if not, that I'd like to take her out...she responded with this: "No, I'm not seeing anyone. There's a reason why I'm not dating right now, but yeah let's give it a shot. No pressure, let's hang out..." Now, her response completely threw me off as I was so sure that she was going to give me a direct "yes." Is she actually interested, but just cautious of coming off as too eager? Would a girl who's not interested in a guy want to "hang out" with said guy? Does hanging out imply only within a group a setting or would be ok for me to suggest that we hang out solo? Help me in deciphering this crazy womanese!! I'm 30 and she's 29 btw. Thanks. What is there to decipher? She gave you an opening. Take it and let her know you're interested early. If it doesn't work out in a romantic sense, you have minimal emotional investment and attachment to her up to this point. Purrrr-fect scenario.
insertnamehere Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 There's nothing to decipher. I promise you this: bartenders, waitresses and baristas don't accidentally vocalize interest in anyone. If a service worker says yes to a date, she means it. In that industry, women get far too many gentleman suitors mistaking politeness for a come on. No woman in those trades is going to go near a "yes" to a date unless she means to date you.
Author MashedPotatoes Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 There's nothing to decipher. I promise you this: bartenders, waitresses and baristas don't accidentally vocalize interest in anyone. If a service worker says yes to a date, she means it. In that industry, women get far too many gentleman suitors mistaking politeness for a come on. No woman in those trades is going to go near a "yes" to a date unless she means to date you. She's a regular customer at the cafe, not an employee...I appreciate your input nonetheless. Jobaba, I agree that she left an opening, and I definitely plan on taking it. It just slightly annoys me that she would include the whole "There's a reason I'm not dating right now..." nonsense when clearly, there IS interest on her part. Perhaps this is just her quirky way of setting the pace to whatever relationship she imagines we may potentially have. Any other opinions guys/gals?
mammamia1 Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 That is perfect! You got it! Well I'm a decent girl and I would say the same. I would never jump up like "Yes Yes!!!" even if I want to say it. Since I helped, can you visit my thread and help me too? Thanks lol
Author MashedPotatoes Posted November 23, 2011 Author Posted November 23, 2011 So, it's been a week since I asked out the girl and we've hung out at the cafe a couple times in the past few days. Yesterday, while talking, she asked me if I had seen the movie Up and if I had it. I told her that I did have it and asked if she wanted to borrow it. If I could replay that, I would've asked her if she wanted to see it WITH me...oh well. Question: Was her asking if I had the movie her way of saying "Let's watch it together?" What do you all think?
anne1707 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Ask her out for a proper date! She likes you!
Lonely Ronin Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 "No, I'm not seeing anyone. There's a reason why I'm not dating right now, but yeah let's give it a shot. No pressure, let's hang out..." I read this as it's about damn time you asked me out. I don't know the girl, but some women are really classy, and if they are interested in a guy, they won't date another till they know nothing is going to happen with the one they are interested in. I would take this as being a little passive aggressive, because she was starting to get frustrated with you. Question: Was her asking if I had the movie her way of saying "Let's watch it together?" What do you all think? She wasn't asking, she was giving you a chance to ask her. You need to call her or text her, and be like hey about up, would you want to come over and watch it blank night? I've been told I make an awesome "blank meal". basically indirectly admit you screwed up and are trying to rectify the problem.
dasein Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 She's just establishing a lingering jerk test with the "reason I'm not dating." If you turn into a perv, she can pull it back out at her leisure, if not, it will disappear. Ask her out. Good luck. In the future, don't ask to ask out, though, just ask her out straight up. Ask out for a specific thing and then shut up. You learn so much more about people this way by not allowing them even a short time to filter a response. If you train them to know that you expect a simple yes or no, they will usually snap to. Most women don't realize they are being confusing IME and if you lead them into the type of response you expect, they will comply. They like your making things easy and direct for them as much as you like them being direct with you.
daphne Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 She's just establishing a lingering jerk test with the "reason I'm not dating." If you turn into a perv, she can pull it back out at her leisure, if not, it will disappear. Ask her out. Good luck. In the future, don't ask to ask out, though, just ask her out straight up. Ask out for a specific thing and then shut up. You learn so much more about people this way by not allowing them even a short time to filter a response. If you train them to know that you expect a simple yes or no, they will usually snap to. Most women don't realize they are being confusing IME and if you lead them into the type of response you expect, they will comply. They like your making things easy and direct for them as much as you like them being direct with you. I agree. Be direct, no wishy washy stuff, be quiet. People tend to mirror others a little and this leaves no ambiguity. Plus, I also think she was trying to not commit to anything other than a date with the weird "I haven't been dating response." Yes, it was a weird way to do it but I'd just go with it. And don't lend the movie, should have asked her to come over and watch it.
phobos Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Hey OP, this girl sounds very immature. "lets hang out"??????? you are in a friend zone buddy. I would tell her to go f*ck her self and stop playing games. You can see through her evil manipulation. I bet she got cold sores too!
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