beautifulearth83 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 It has been months since I've seen or heard from my ex and I still feel affected by everything. When we were breaking up, I was going through a very delicate process and I needed to work through a lot of things by myself, but she kept on harassing me and she actually hurt my feelings quite a bit. I would consider her to be very controlling. It was something that was apparent early in the relationship, which I should have really considered to be a problem in the future. I have learned that if in the beginning of a relationship, you notice certain things that just won't fly with you, to nip it in the bud and keep lookin'. I will say, before I continue, that this isn't a roast for my ex, she is a lovely person who has many good qualities. The issue is that we weren't compatible. The qualities that were not so endearing to me, may be to somebody else. But we did connect, heavily, on certain levels. This is a person that I shared my life with. She heard many of my thoughts, we discussed spiritual things, truly connected, had amazing sex. How do I move on from that? We lived together, it is as if I molded a certain part of myself to her. Will I ever heal from that? I could in fact chase her down and try to make things work, but there are so many factors that are not practical in doing so. Things such as I can't afford to be with her, I don't want children just yet, she is a bit immature and likes to call the shots, she has hurt my feelings, it would cause issues with me and my family, the list goes on. I haven't gotten closure yet, but I don't think I can get it directly with her, which is part of the problem. I have tried. I have tried to declare peace, but she always takes it one step further. I've had a few serious episodes as a result, luckily I didn't hurt myself, but I do feel hurt and damaged mentally and emotionally. There are times where I just go numb. I could be going about my day and everything is fine and I feel like myself and breathe in the air, then in a matter of seconds, I am numb, I become whatever it is she turned me into, whoever it is I was when I was with her, but she's not there. It's just me and my numb self. To be that close to somebody and really connect, then to be rejected by them, is the worst experience. I haven't even been able to feel bad for myself and get that sense that I deserve better or whatever. It seems she has shut down that part of me too. But see, I am saying that she is doing these things, nobody should have that much power over me. It's driving me nuts. I can't handle it anymore. I don't feel like myself. Am I doomed? I'm thinking the best thing I could do is attempt to continue my life the way I was living it before I met her, or to reconnect with everything that I've lost grounding with. I feel like I am succeeding in this sometimes, but it often slips away and I feel like I've been condemned to some sort of strange life that isn't mine. Any thoughts? I know it's a bit of a rant, but I really can't wrap my head around it and I'm just so tired of going back and forth like this.
DownNotOut Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Hey man - be easy on yourself... A lot of the points in your post hit home with me. When you enable behavior and fail to set boundaries you give up part of yourself to be in the relationship. Use it as a learning experience going forward. For now - work on yourself - go to the gym, go out with your friends, treat yourself like #1. Sounds like you are still in shock and trying to get back to you - which will take some time. Focus on making yourself the best you can and in time you will get back to you. You can read my story and you'll similarities in both of our situations: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t305160/ Listen to a lot of music - it's very therapeutic... Here's a great song that should hit home with you: 3 Doors Down - Back to Me
Author beautifulearth83 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 Dude thanks...your response really meant a lot... I read your story too...you've been very strong... I wish you the best of luck
fenderjames Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Sounds like we were with the same girl man . As I read your post I thought " My lord I could have written this " ( or most of it at least ) . Hell of a ride ain't it my friend ? Nothing to say that can make you truely feel better ... other than your not alone . Keep that in mind , I find it helps to know that sometimes . Cheers
Zabs Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Start with small steps my friend! Don't set yourself up for failure... Healing takes time and like Down said, you gotta make yourself number one priority right now. I understand that some of the things you like may have been a shared interest...or the things you were interested in..seem of little consequence...but the fact tha you return to them tricks the mind into thinking you are returning to your core self. I find that with reading..I also find posting..mainly as a helper on sites like this extremely comforting..because you get the support and praise that we have lacked in our relationship with our ex's. Also..try new things! Things that always made you think...'I wouldn't be seen dead doing that'...kinda thing.. I lost my Uncle earlier this year and I am gradually working through a viable list of 'things' I said I would 'never' do. It is much fun! I actually embarrased myself by going in the bookies to put a bet on the dog and asking 'when do they run back (each way)?' PMSL!:laugh: Much love, Zabs xx
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