funnyface Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Anyone else feel this way? I hate it, and I don't know how to get over that feeling. I unfriended my ex on Facebook (finally), but am still Facebook friends with his new girlfriend. We have lots of mutual friends, and I've known her for a few years. The only reason I didn't unfriend her is because I know she is playing games with me (blocking me from seeing her profile, then UNBLOCKING me after posting pics of them together so she knows I'll see them). She is obsessive and really weird to do those things, but I know she WANTS me to unfriend her so she can feel like the pics and comments got to me and she has "won". I'm not one to give in to her psycho games and look weak. And unfortunately, even though I unfriended the ex, his whole profile is still public, so there is always the temptation to look. As much as I hate my ex's guts, and his new girlfriend's guts, I'm really trying to move on, and I know that means ridding myself of thoughts of what they are doing. I just still can't help feeling scared of seeing her profile, or a comment on a picture of them. It still nauseates me and makes my heart race. It extremely frustrating because I want so bad to move on from the horrible break up I had. Sometimes, I have rarely been going on, and it feels good. Kind of very peaceful. Other times, I feel like by not checking it and ignoring other people and friends, its like I am retreating. I know Facebook is not the world! But, lets face it.. in today's day and age, it is a part of our social lives. One of my friends thinks I should be checking and seeing what they are doing - a sort of shock therapy approach. Others say ignorance is bliss. Thoughts?
MarMarMar Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Anyone else feel this way? I hate it, and I don't know how to get over that feeling. I unfriended my ex on Facebook (finally), but am still Facebook friends with his new girlfriend. We have lots of mutual friends, and I've known her for a few years. The only reason I didn't unfriend her is because I know she is playing games with me (blocking me from seeing her profile, then UNBLOCKING me after posting pics of them together so she knows I'll see them). She is obsessive and really weird to do those things, but I know she WANTS me to unfriend her so she can feel like the pics and comments got to me and she has "won". I'm not one to give in to her psycho games and look weak. And unfortunately, even though I unfriended the ex, his whole profile is still public, so there is always the temptation to look. As much as I hate my ex's guts, and his new girlfriend's guts, I'm really trying to move on, and I know that means ridding myself of thoughts of what they are doing. I just still can't help feeling scared of seeing her profile, or a comment on a picture of them. It still nauseates me and makes my heart race. It extremely frustrating because I want so bad to move on from the horrible break up I had. Sometimes, I have rarely been going on, and it feels good. Kind of very peaceful. Other times, I feel like by not checking it and ignoring other people and friends, its like I am retreating. I know Facebook is not the world! But, lets face it.. in today's day and age, it is a part of our social lives. One of my friends thinks I should be checking and seeing what they are doing - a sort of shock therapy approach. Others say ignorance is bliss. Thoughts? Honestly? Since this stuff is hurting you; block your ex. He basically disappears from facebook to you. Why are you worrying about what his new girlfriend thinks? She's already "winning" because she's trying to get your attention and show what she's claiming as hers. Why do you care what she thinks about you? A silly facebook game she's playing and whether or not you participate isn't going to change how she views you. You have nothing to prove to her and the only thing you're getting out of this is more hurt.
TheFinalWord Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Honestly? Since this stuff is hurting you; block your ex. He basically disappears from facebook to you. Why are you worrying about what his new girlfriend thinks? She's already "winning" because she's trying to get your attention and show what she's claiming as hers. Why do you care what she thinks about you? A silly facebook game she's playing and whether or not you participate isn't going to change how she views you. You have nothing to prove to her and the only thing you're getting out of this is more hurt. Correct me if I'm wrong, but from what I know about FB even if she blocks her ex, the pics the new GF puts up will still appear? But I do agree with MarMarMar. Once it's over, please put yourself first, not your ex's ego. What they think is not important b/c it won't change anything. If they are petty and want to think they've won, let them go for it. All that matters is what you need right now. If that's blocking them, then please do it.
MarMarMar Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Correct me if I'm wrong, but from what I know about FB even if she blocks her ex, the pics the new GF puts up will still appear? But I do agree with MarMarMar. Once it's over, please put yourself first, not your ex's ego. What they think is not important b/c it won't change anything. If they are petty and want to think they've won, let them go for it. All that matters is what you need right now. If that's blocking them, then please do it. She could block the new GF too is what I was trying to get at or at least unfriend her. And I agree with you she should be putting herself first and not worrying about what the ex or new GF think since she doesn't owe them anything and the new GF obviously has no concern for her. Besides since you mentioned that she's kind of obssesive about stuff she probably feels threatened by you which is why she's behaving this way. Why play her games? You don't owe her or the ex anything and just don't talk or contact either. Use this as your time to heal and as far as the one friend suggesting you check on them as a therapy; that might work for some people but do what is in your best interest. As having been in a similar situation recently I will tell you that any information hurt me and I've been doing much better after having cut my access to his going ons. It has given me time to let the rawness of the hurt to start healing and let me confront my feelings and start truly working through them. From the sound of how you're feeling about all this I would suggest you give it a try.
melenkurion Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Don't worry what anyone else thinks, least of all this "friend". Block her, block him. It's hurting you to see the pictures, that is what really matters. It's delaying your healing to see them. Block those idiots, and forget about them. The less you know about them, the better. Her stupid little "victory" doesn't matter in the slightest. Anyone she tries to brag about this to will either think she is shallow and horrible, or they are shallow and horrible themselves (and so not worth a second of your time).
RIO5 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 The thing with FB is silly. Its part of your social life if YOU make it that way. Listen to yourself...you cant focus because of a 'website'. There was life before FB...go back to that! You came here for advice: some times you just gotta man up and get over it. Ignore people who want to stoop to a low level. I'd be damn to have some silly website, that did not exist 8 years ago, throw me off of my game. You got 3 options: delete the people you dont want to deal with(like the new girlfriend), block her or dont use Facebook at all. Its that simple. Dont let someone else have power over you. Imagine if the new girlfriend found out how you felt about this situation. She would be doing back flips like crazy. You have control of this situation. Dont give her that satisfaction. If you didnt have that girl as a friend or if you didnt have a FB...you wouldnt be in the position, now would you?
Author funnyface Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Thanks so much for the advice. I really do feel silly for making Facebook seem like such a big deal... I am kind of embarassed at myself that it is actually effecting me this much because I KNOW its just a stupid website. I know I shouldn't be playing her games... but I'm sorry, it would really make me feel worse about myself by blocking or unfriending her. Because I know thats exactly what she would want me to do, and it would give her pleasure. I just can't seem to give in to that, I'm too confident and strong of a person. A good solution that I am going to put into action is to add her page (and his... even though I unfriended him, like I said, his profile is still public so I can still see everything) to my blocked websites on my browser at home. Basically what happens is if I try to click on her page, nothing will happen - I physically cannot go on her page. And I'll have to delete her form my newsfeed. I did that with my ex, but eventually unfriended him after I saw pictures of him and his new girlfriend visiting him in California a mere two months after our breakup. I knew at that point that whatever mutual friends we had in common, or good graces that we may owe each other, meant nothing... that was the final metaphorical slap in the face to me. The only issue is checking Facebook at work which I was very guilty of. But, I am starting a new job soon, and won't have that leisure since I won't have time during the day, plus Facebook will be blocked on their computers anyway (I will be teaching in a school). I've been limiting, but not eliminating, my time on Facebook as well. I also feel like that is a good move for me - so I can still stay in contact with people, but spend more time with my family, do things, live life, etc. rather than being on a website. I guess the hardest part is for me is constantly being reminded that obviously, everything he told me was a lie, and he may have even been cheating on me. The lingering pain I still feel is not that I feel bad that she has him now... but that I allowed myself to believe everything he said, I allowed myself to be tricked, and that I was replaced so easily. Its more of a pain based within myself, rather than a pain of watching them.
flitzanu Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Thanks so much for the advice. I really do feel silly for making Facebook seem like such a big deal... I am kind of embarassed at myself that it is actually effecting me this much because I KNOW its just a stupid website. I know I shouldn't be playing her games... but I'm sorry, it would really make me feel worse about myself by blocking or unfriending her. Because I know thats exactly what she would want me to do, and it would give her pleasure. I just can't seem to give in to that, I'm too confident and strong of a person. A good solution that I am going to put into action is to add her page (and his... even though I unfriended him, like I said, his profile is still public so I can still see everything) to my blocked websites on my browser at home. Basically what happens is if I try to click on her page, nothing will happen - I physically cannot go on her page. And I'll have to delete her form my newsfeed. I did that with my ex, but eventually unfriended him after I saw pictures of him and his new girlfriend visiting him in California a mere two months after our breakup. I knew at that point that whatever mutual friends we had in common, or good graces that we may owe each other, meant nothing... that was the final metaphorical slap in the face to me. The only issue is checking Facebook at work which I was very guilty of. But, I am starting a new job soon, and won't have that leisure since I won't have time during the day, plus Facebook will be blocked on their computers anyway (I will be teaching in a school). I've been limiting, but not eliminating, my time on Facebook as well. I also feel like that is a good move for me - so I can still stay in contact with people, but spend more time with my family, do things, live life, etc. rather than being on a website. I guess the hardest part is for me is constantly being reminded that obviously, everything he told me was a lie, and he may have even been cheating on me. The lingering pain I still feel is not that I feel bad that she has him now... but that I allowed myself to believe everything he said, I allowed myself to be tricked, and that I was replaced so easily. Its more of a pain based within myself, rather than a pain of watching them. how is this even complicated? block him on FACEBOOK not your browser. and block her too for that matter. this isn't a difficult solution. quit trying to play games back with them, just let them be immature.
Wings Of Love Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 I have to agree, I felt this way about Facebook once too. Now I realise I was just drawing out my suffering by keeping connections to him. So I have blocked and deleted everyone who has a connection to him. And I feel so much better for it, especially as he can no longer keep tabs on me through his friends profiles. My advice to you, block him. Honestly, you'll feel so much better if you do, none of his comments will show up. If you really can't bring yourself to unfriend this girl, then your best bet is to unsubscribe from all of her updates. They won't appear in your News Feed this way. They will however still be on her profile, so you'd have to resist temptation to look. Easier said than done, yes, but this is probably your only option if you don't unfriend her.
Surf Rider Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Anyone else feel this way? I hate it, and I don't know how to get over that feeling. I unfriended my ex on Facebook (finally), but am still Facebook friends with his new girlfriend. We have lots of mutual friends, and I've known her for a few years. The only reason I didn't unfriend her is because I know she is playing games with me (blocking me from seeing her profile, then UNBLOCKING me after posting pics of them together so she knows I'll see them). She is obsessive and really weird to do those things, but I know she WANTS me to unfriend her so she can feel like the pics and comments got to me and she has "won". I'm not one to give in to her psycho games and look weak. And unfortunately, even though I unfriended the ex, his whole profile is still public, so there is always the temptation to look. As much as I hate my ex's guts, and his new girlfriend's guts, I'm really trying to move on, and I know that means ridding myself of thoughts of what they are doing. I just still can't help feeling scared of seeing her profile, or a comment on a picture of them. It still nauseates me and makes my heart race. It extremely frustrating because I want so bad to move on from the horrible break up I had. Sometimes, I have rarely been going on, and it feels good. Kind of very peaceful. Other times, I feel like by not checking it and ignoring other people and friends, its like I am retreating. I know Facebook is not the world! But, lets face it.. in today's day and age, it is a part of our social lives. One of my friends thinks I should be checking and seeing what they are doing - a sort of shock therapy approach. Others say ignorance is bliss. Thoughts? I know how you feel. It's been about 2 years since my ex left me and now she's with another guy. I deleted my facebook page and believe me it made the healing process so much better. It took me well over a year to move on with my life. The fact is is that you deserve better. He sounds like a jerk to me. He is the loser, not you. The last thing my ex g/f said to me was that i deserve better and guess what? She's absolutely right!! Hang in there;)
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