kourtney01 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship 7 months ago (we were engaged, he was a horrible person, cheated a million times and treated me like crap) I met this guy about 2 months ago by fluke and things went so well.. In a nutshell: we met by total random accident and things felt "meant to be" We spend every day together or if not we talk on the phone and text each other like 10 times per day.. He told all his friends and family about me I met his dad and sister already and his mom asks about me all the time He shows my pictures to all the guys at work to "show off"..and in fact, up until this moment, I actually even felt like I was a bit out of his league... but I'm not superficial like that because I like him a lot and he's an attractive guy (but I know he sometimes has insecurity issues because he used to be overweight..but now he has a six pack and a healthy lifestyle so I don't understand why he hangs on to how he used to be years and years ago) We made it official about 3 weeks ago and even changed our facebook statuses to "in a relationship with ..." I've opened myself up to this guy for the first time since my ex and although it was hard to let my guard down I finally did and it felt great.. I'm falling and I'm falling hard.. Now the problem: About a week ago I started feeling very strange.. my gut kept telling me something and I felt like the floor was sinking underneath me..all of a sudden I felt like I couldn't trust him.. I sent him some cute photos of myself via email (which he requested) and I got no response all night and no good morning text..I freaked out but he reassured me at lunch time that he fell asleep early and that he also slept in and got in trouble at work so he didn't want to pull his cell phone out.. (he works construction so it's kind of obvious when he goes on the phone) I knew he had been late a few times lately because he was on the phone with me till the wee hours or because we were out late so I felt bad even though this time it wasn't my fault..and I let it go. I came on here for advice and the general consensus was that I was overreacting... we spent all wknd together and had a real heart to heart and I told him I was sorry and that I have trust issues that's why I've been a little weird (like questioning him too much) and he said he understands because he knows about my difficult past.. Monday comes around and I told him I wanted to see him because I have salsa during the week etc etc and no time to see him again till the wknd.. he said he was too tired and I got a little upset..even though I saw him all wknd (except Saturday night because he works security..and obv now i don't even know if he told me the truth about that) I wanted to see him again ..and I don't even know why he was so tired because I didn't keep him up late the night before and he didn't go to the gym that day.. so I made a stupid joke, he got me back with a stupid comment, I said a rude one, he threw a rude one back..and before I knew it we were in a stupid argument and I cut it off in a rude way cuz I had to go to the gym.. I called him ten mins later to apologize and be the bigger person because it really was a bad joke gone too far.. he said no prob and that he would text me when he gets back from the gym.. I didn't hear from him all night and my gut started acting up again..but I let it go.. in the morning I still didn't hear from him but I let it go.. nothing at lunch time either.. nothing all day.. late afternoon I logged on fb and saw him online so I msged him hello ..no reply. I teted him hello.. no answer.. I called no answer. At 7pm I freaked.. I sent him a text basically telling him where to go and asking him why he's doing this again because it's shady..no reply. I called again and left a voicemail..nothing.. nightime I pleaded with him to at least tell me he's ok and left him tons of msgs..nothing.. at 4am after violently crying to the point I thought I would have a heart attack (all these bad memories from my past came back) I texted him again to tell him that this is really hurting me and he finally responded at 6am when he got up for work.. his excuse? He forgot his cell at home when he went to work and then when he got home and saw all my msgs he had dinner and showered and meant to reply but he "swears to God" he fell asleep early again.. WTF! I responded to him that the excuse was awful and that I was hurt and will give him space cuz I needed it too.. he knew I had a doctor app today however for something important so i was still expecting him to ask me how that went..but nothing ALL DAY AGAIN..I called him at 5pm no answer and texted him I had to talk to him and he came on fb to respond!!!!!!! He said his phone died and he couldnt find his charger but he was just about to call me back! I freaked out on him and he said that I was the one who said I needed space.. I told him I need to talk to him face to face cuz he's making me feel like I made a huge mistake letting him into my heart and he responded :sorry didn't mean to ignore you oi was just upset.. to which I responded: upset about what.. and again NO RESPONSE AND I HAVENT HEARD FROM HIM SINCE!!! WTF is going on??? I've cried so much this has totally destroyed me and I even called in sick for tom.. I've been in bed for 2 days crying..this hurts so bad after what I've been trhu with my ex.. I left him an email stating that if he doesn't call me tonight (his phone has been off all night) that I will assume the worst and move on with my life.. and that if he cares about me he will call..PLEASE HELP I'M GOING NUTS! This isn't some random guy.. we slept together and met each others friends and family and have been "official" for 3 weeks now!!!! what is going on pls help me! Side note: he also came from a screwed up relationship and his ex was trying to get back together with him 3 weeks ago and calling him non stop but he says he wants nothing to do with her and they've been over for 6 months and he's gonna have her number blocked.. could they be talking behind my back? what is he upset about that stupid argument from monday? is this over? his status hasnt changed on fb but he hasnt called me either.. I havent cried this hard since my ex and my heart is too weak to handle this all over again after the awful 3 years i just had.. how can he do a 180 like this pls someone help me:(((((((((((
fallenenvy Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 From my own experience.. when something doesn't seem right.. it isn't. When he makes those "lame excuses" they are just that.. covers for whatever he was doing. Perhaps i am just bitter but i was REALLY and irreversibly hurt by a guy a trusted more than anything. Things often did not add up but i bought his crap and let it go.. until.. to my surprise.. i got a call from his "girl friend" which shocked me cause hey.. that was supposed to by MY title. You've been through some stuff with unfaithfulness and have obviously learned from it.. thus getting the intuition that something is wrong. Don't ignore it. Maybe one missed call or one day falling asleep is believable but not everything else. You arn't overreacting. However, moping around in bed isn't the answer either. You need to get up and do something 2 move time along. You'll get your answer from him at some point one way or another be it what you want to hear or not... and you'll go from there. Take a deep breath sweaty it'll be ok... you need to get yourself busy and go work and carry on with your life.. hard as it may be. Just remember this distress you are felling will end.. either everything will be ok.. or it won't and it'll be over... and you will do what everyone does.. hurt.. cry.. and then slowly move on and feel better.
bittersweet memories Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Those are all lame excuses.. Sorry to say but sounds like he's checked out of this relationship. Do yourself a favor....Let him go and move on.
Lostinlife4now Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Those are all lame excuses.. Sorry to say but sounds like he's checked out of this relationship. Do yourself a favor....Let him go and move on. So have to agree with this......He has checked out..."HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU".....it's a best selling book, read it...and dump this fool! You are making yourself sick....and he is a jerk o..!!!!
BetrayedH Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Calm yourself down, find out the truth, then make a decision. I also say to trust your gut. Don't make assumptions and accusations from it. Just trust it enough to investigate. Find out if you need to run for the hills or to apologize. How's that calling-in, crying in bed thing working out for you? Not trying to be mean; just saying that the emotional reaction is getting you nowhere and that you instead need to take action.
reboot Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 You're going to have a heart attack over someone you've only known for 2 months?
GG3 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 That's too many lame excuses. I remember the last time I had a boyfriend that was unreachable and had lame excuses like that. He was cheating and one day I got a call from his "girlfriend" as well and she had been with him 3 years. He was a pilot (I know everybody laugh) and among his excuses were: I was in canada and my phone doesn't work up there (bulls*), I was at the gym for a few hours (bulls*), I have to work on new years (bulls* and proven to be bs by his girlfriend), etc. I think whether or not he is cheating isn't as important as that he is "unavailable." This guy has too much bad luck. His phone died or he forgot it or he fell asleep. I think you need to "forget your phone" or let the "battery die" or "fall asleep." Forget the mystery and find someone who is available....
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 He may or may not be cheating, but you are definitely "nuts," my dear. Stop stalking this guy, OK? She has trust issues and this has triggered her, bringing up painful memories.. I will say she's certainly emotionally attached to this guy, probably too much considering it's been only 2 months, and her way of handling this situation has been dramatic, reacting on emotion and not thinking things through first, but she isn't nuts.
Saul Goodman Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 I totally agree. This is way over the top. And it's someone she's been seeing for 3 WEEKS, not 2 months (see the last few sentences in the long, run-on bottom paragraph of her post). Not that the timeframe matters that much. It's the frightening behavior. Agreed. My recommendation is that you break up with your bf and focus on your own independence.
reboot Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 You're calling this 'cheating' and 'infidelity'. Is he even aware that you and he are supposed to be exclusive? I would bet he isn't.
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