GG3 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Am sure I will get some responses out of this.... Especially to ladies...how would you feel if the guy you were seeing always told you every week before seeing you, "I gotta get me some (your name)." He means it as a s*xual comment. Never says he misses you, looks forward to seeing you, or hey what shall we do this weekend.
fallenenvy Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 idk. i get horny when i havn't seen my guy in a bit. When my bf and i were in a LDR sex was an important focus when we met up.. once we got that outa the way (immediately) we could go on to i missed you what would you like to do.. etc. That wasn't just him either.. i was just as bad if not worse about talking about nothing but sex before meeting up... It was a part of the missing and the excitement of the anticipation of seeing each other even if it was said as " i can't wait to (insert inappropriate things here)" as opposed to "i miss you can't wait to go (insert planned activity here)" In short, guess i would have to say i don't really care all that much.
Author GG3 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 How often did you see each other?
fallenenvy Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 eh.. depended. Could be a week.. could be a month.. once was 2 months.... for almost a year. till he moved here. The distance made the sex very alluring. Once you live together or see each other ALL the damn time.. it's not a very big deal.. as you are concerned with day to day life.. as well as whatever things you are going to go out and do together. If you and your guy arn't seeing each other but once every week or 2 i can understand the comments.. but if they bother you.. perhaps say something.. like the fact you find it disrespectful.
Author GG3 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 I see him every weekend. I don't think I would mind the comments if I got some more of the emotional stuff that I listed. Then it would seem like we were having fun and discussing s*x from time to time. But with those comments only and just before seeing me...I feel used. All I ever hear is "I need some (my name)." I've told him I don't like it and he doesn't stop. It's bothered me enough now that I've considered to stop seeing him. He's told me he's in love with me and his friends have said he's crazy about me. Could he really be this obtuse?
fallenenvy Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Yes.. he can be that obtuse.. men often are. It could very well be as his friends say and he is crazy about you.. but that isn't a reason to stay with him either. Point is he isn't respecting how you feel.... maybe not intentionally but still. Perhaps he doesn't mean to make you feel used.. but its not really about what he means.. its about how its coming across to you. Is it something worth breaking up over? That's something only you can weigh and decide and you can't base it on whether or not he is crazy about you because this is about YOU. YOU feel used and hurt by what he says and he isn't listening when you say you don't like it. Three options: 1. Give talking to him another go.. not just hey i don't like it but actually go into depth that it REALLY bothers you and makes you feel bad to the point where you have considered wheter or not it is worth it 2. Break up with him over it 3. Come to terms with it.. either stuff away your feelings of being used or decide he is indeed crazy about you and isn't using you.
Author GG3 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 He is supposed to start counseling on Friday. I'm trying to hang in there. He has admitted he has behavioral problems. My own observation and that of friends, he doesn't respect my feelings a lot. (not the main reason for his counseling though) This one has hit a nerve. It just brings me down to hear only that every week just before the weekend and nothing else such as "I miss you." It certainly doesn't turn me on s*xually. I like to think that I'm more than a piece of meat to someone.
fallenenvy Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Counseling or not... you say that you don't think he respects your feelings.. and that isn't going to lead to a healthy LTR. You deserve much more than to be a "piece of meat" to someone and be disrespected. Perhaps you should consider option #2 if you don't think this is going to change with counseling. Generally i don't think counseling will fix a persons disregard for another persons feelings.. but i could be wrong. Either way.. good luck to you whatever you decide to do with this guy.
Emilia Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 It would very much depend on what he was like with me in bed. My one before last ex wasn't that much of a charmer (though he paid me compliments here and there) but he was very loving and affectionate in bed. His actions spoke louder than words basically.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 GG3, have you told him that it would be nice if he told you that he missed you sometimes instead of "I gotta get me some.." ? He sounds a bit emotionally immature but it is possible that he is just that obtuse and he really does miss you but doesn't know how to express it. However, if he regularly disregards your feelings, yeah, that's a big problem. You really need to talk to him very openly about how you feel.
Els Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Can't really judge what he said at face value - it depends entirely on your R dynamic, the sort of humor you both share, etc. All I ever hear is "I need some (my name)." I've told him I don't like it and he doesn't stop. Assuming that you are not exaggerating, however, and that it really is ALL you ever hear, I would be worried, yes. Add in the fact that he does not stop when you ask him to - even more concerning, and removes the possibility of him merely being an obtuse or awkward person. Would advise a serious talk about the latter issue, as it is a very important one IMO.
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