spicolli Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 So I posted here when the breakup first happened and it helped so I figured I'd try again. Im about 4 months out from getting dumped by a girl I honestly thought I was going to spend the rest of my days with. She gave me a bunch of reasons why it was happening, none of which ended up being true. Needless to say a few weeks after the breakup (yes I realize the probability that she was cheating so lets not visit this) she slept with her ex. Two weeks after that she is officially in a relationship with him. Im 28 she is 23. Her and her ex dated about a year (I think) and we dated for two. She actually dumped him for me (live by the sword die by the sword.) I know a lot of people are going to say that I should have stayed away from a girl willing to do that, but she said he didnt treat her well, and I really did. Took her to Mexico, drove her all over when her license was suspended due to DWI, consoled her when her dad was diagnosed with cancer etc. I'm not saying these things to prove Im some type of good guy, because I know I am, and when Im in a relationship I do whatever I can for the other person. Well after the breakup I immediately took her off FB as I did with all her friends. I didnt want to see a picture of her and some guy, come the day, because she is drop dead gorgeous and I knew it wouldnt be long. Didnt think itd be the ex though. Anyway back in august Im on a buddies Facebook looking for someone, and low and behold he is friends with her now bf. A month after breaking up and hearing the excuses of "I need to take care of my dad and focus on school" I see his profile pic. His arm around "my" girl. Boy they both looked happy. I remember not even being able to walk, it was like a living nightmare. When we talked a few months back she told me straight up she was happy with him. Anyway I received some great advice from a friend bc I was having such a hard time coping. She said don't put yourself in the same path as her. So I took the cowards way out, havent been going to any bar she may be at etc. This doesnt really bother me at all as my party days are basically over anyway, and I just go to places I know she wont be. But this past weekend I went out, and my friends wanted to go to a bar she would frequent. I kicked and screamed and off we went anyway. I walked in, it was packed. IMMEDIATELY two of her friends spot me. One just daps me. The other comes up and starts talking... She is upset that I took her off FB (the friend not the ex) I say you understand why I did that right? She did, but she decided to bring it up again, and I was so drunk that I just lost it. No yelling or anything but I spilled my guts about how bad this has hurt me. That Im in therapy etc. Then I stormed out and left. I feel like this has set me back immensely because I have been NC for about a month and a half after being LC for the previous three. Of course my actions are going to get back to her. and itll just make her that much happier she did what she did. This girl was my best friend, 4 months later I havent hooked up with anyone (by choice, had my chances) and she is still the first thing on my mind every morning, every night and most moments in between. Please let me know what you think of this situation, any advice regardless of how harsh. Words of encouragement etc. Im really struggling! Thank you all so much.
wilsonx Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Another captain save a hoe thread.... Lets lay down some ground rules 1) Never believe what someone says about their ex or their current significant other. If they are talking **** about how poorly they are treated, they are looking for a captain save a hoe. Its actually completely naive to think that this will not happen to you. It will and you learned the hard way. It's actually disrespectful to talk negatively about your significant other while in a relationship with them and shows an extreme lack of character to an outsider. You missed this. Everyone makes mistakes. You have learned though. 2) The cowards way out is not taking responsibility for your own decisions and pointing blame at her. What happens in the past happens in the past. You have to let it go and this takes time and focus on yourself 3) "To let go is to love yourself" Stop focusing on her and focus on yourself. I Still think about my ex, but it doesnt stop me from living my life, going out having fun and doing things I would never have done before. Make a bucket list and go out and do it. Go to a bar and pick up 2 crazy hot lesbians. Do stuff that you would normally never do. Live your own life, set some goals and go out and accomplish them
Author spicolli Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 Can't say I disagree with anything you said. My therapist even agreed haha. Your phrasing needs some definite work though. It works for me bc the straight forward nature is exactly what I need. However, I see you post here quite often and you know that type of approach isn't go to (and I'm sure DEFINITELY hasn't) work(ed) for everyone you reply to. Just something I think you should really be aware of. However, recognizing your faults in a relationship and addressing them doesn't take the sting away. I mean she is happy with some new guy and I had to create a new life for myself that entailed moving and everything. Just kinda makes you feel like there is no justice. I digress. Thanks for the reply.
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