so gutted Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Date 1: coffee. It hurts him to pay for a coffee. This is the kind of person who walked in the freezing cold to avoid paying for a train fare and he admitted this. (he also cancelled twice before, within 20 mins of meeting). Date 2: yet to take place, but he wants it at his place and wants to get physical. Sex is important he says, but he will not force me. So he does not want to pay for dinner, hot drinks or wine or dine me but wants to straight to bed and i have to leave at 8a.m before the rest of the household wakes up. I feel a little cheap. I feel like this is not what i want. Can a relationship develop from this? he is divorced with 2 kids and wants to fast track to bed. He lives in a city where there are many more women then men, he knows this. His wage has to stretch to his 2 kids, himself and me??
oaks Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 I feel a little cheap. I feel like this is not what i want. Can a relationship develop from this? No, and your subject makes it seem almost as if sex would've been okay if only he was a little freer with his wallet, which I'm sure wasn't the impression you wanted to give.
Cypress25 Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Surely you're not going to pursue this guy?! He just wants to use you for sex and he's made that clear. Stay away from him, for the love of God.
Author so gutted Posted November 16, 2011 Author Posted November 16, 2011 This appears to me how other women are in "relationships" - and i am not. They are accepting this and formalizing it in their minds as a relationship as this is all that is on offer during a recession. The old fashioned wining and dining days are over.
binny Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 I feel a little cheap. I feel like this is not what i want. I think you answered your own question. A relationship *could* develop but doesn't sound like it would be one you would be happy in.
ShannonMI Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Date 1: coffee. It hurts him to pay for a coffee. This is the kind of person who walked in the freezing cold to avoid paying for a train fare and he admitted this. (he also cancelled twice before, within 20 mins of meeting). Date 2: yet to take place, but he wants it at his place and wants to get physical. Sex is important he says, but he will not force me. So he does not want to pay for dinner, hot drinks or wine or dine me but wants to straight to bed and i have to leave at 8a.m before the rest of the household wakes up. I feel a little cheap. I feel like this is not what i want. Can a relationship develop from this? he is divorced with 2 kids and wants to fast track to bed. He lives in a city where there are many more women then men, he knows this. His wage has to stretch to his 2 kids, himself and me?? He's a pervert AND cheap. Don't get involved with this guy.
geegirl Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 I can't believe you even asked the question
FitChick Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Why do you limit yourself to men in your city if they are all losers?
daphne Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I am surprised you actually made it to date 1. He canceled twice on you right before meeting? This guy is not relationship material. Don't sell yourself short. There are better guys out there. Anything after Date 1 doesn't surprise me. It only reinforces what you should have known around Date 1 time. He's no good.
ptp Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 He lives in a city where there are many more women then men, he knows this. Where do you live? I find that kind of strange.... Most places I have lived the numbers are relatively equal. Regardless if he isn't treating you the way you want to be treated why are you even considering being in a relationship with him?
dasein Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I find it interesting that whether or not he would spend money on you factors into your decision to sleep with him, also that posters start in with cheap calling. This guy has told you what he wants, no BS. That doesn't make him cheap, a jerk, a psycho or anything else. He is within his rights. You are within your rights not to sleep with him if you don't want to. The analysis isn't all that complicated here, and turns on whether you want sex or not with him. If you don't don't do it. I doubt someone who would state their desires this plainly is going to fall right into line into a relationship agenda, but who knows? Stranger things have happened.
Easyguy14 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 He's a pervert AND cheap. Don't get involved with this guy. while true that perverts are everywhere and do lots of things, this guy's request doesn't fit the category.
xxoo Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 It sounds like he wants sex, not a relationship. Do you want sex with him? That's what he's offering. If that's what you want, it is yours for the taking. If you want a relationship, he is probably not the guy for you. His wage has to stretch to his 2 kids, himself and me?? Why would his wage need to cover you? Do you support yourself?
Duckduckgoose Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I don't think his wallet is gonna loosen up if you open your legs for him. He just wants the poon-tang. Make him pay for a hooker. If he doesn't want to at least court you before getting some poonanny then he can go without. Kinda makes me wonder why this fellow is divorced
insertnamehere Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 This is why I skip the coffee and go straight for "I have a hotel room over on ________". Of course, this guy would have to find the money for the hotel room.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Are you particularly attracted to men like this? It seems like a distinct pattern. Not the cheapness so much, but the pressing for sex. Have you learned anything from any of your past experiences, and how terrible you felt about them?
the wizard Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 The guy has two kids and went through a divorce (expensive). He was honest about what he wants. So my question is, why is he a cheap pervert? Maybe the OP is a gold digging dick tease? I'm just trying to show you all how judgemental and unforgiving you sound. :/
soserious1 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Date 1: coffee. It hurts him to pay for a coffee. This is the kind of person who walked in the freezing cold to avoid paying for a train fare and he admitted this. (he also cancelled twice before, within 20 mins of meeting). Date 2: yet to take place, but he wants it at his place and wants to get physical. Sex is important he says, but he will not force me. So he does not want to pay for dinner, hot drinks or wine or dine me but wants to straight to bed and i have to leave at 8a.m before the rest of the household wakes up. I feel a little cheap. I feel like this is not what i want. Can a relationship develop from this? he is divorced with 2 kids and wants to fast track to bed. He lives in a city where there are many more women then men, he knows this. His wage has to stretch to his 2 kids, himself and me?? He's made it pretty clear that he wants quick sexual release from you & he wants you gone before his kids wake up in the morning. If you're looking for a relationship I'd move on to another guy.
Taramere Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Date 1: coffee. It hurts him to pay for a coffee. This is the kind of person who walked in the freezing cold to avoid paying for a train fare and he admitted this. (he also cancelled twice before, within 20 mins of meeting). As others have suggested, if you're thinking in those terms then you're in that realm of exchanging sex for money. Which, as Oaks said, probably isn't the impression you wanted to give at all...but it's still a fair assumption for others to make. He's cheap because he won't spend money on dates with you, you're cheap if you sleep with him after he hasn't spent money on you. I'd tend to look at it as "a relationship with this guy will involve doing everything on the cheap 'n' cheerless except on those occasions when I treat him. I've been there...quite a long time ago. It's not particularly pleasant. However much you like somebody, always walking in the freezing cold instead of taking trains is going to start making you associate time spent with them with discomfort. There's fiscally careful, and then there's just plain Scrooge-like...where your idea of staying comfortable in cold weather involves warming your hands around a roaring candle. If that's how the guy wants to live, it's up to him...but unless you're prepared to adjust yourself to that kind of lifestyle (which is what it would be unless you're prepared to subsidise him) there probably isn't much future in this relationship.
Emilia Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 So he does not want to pay for dinner, hot drinks or wine or dine me but wants to straight to bed and i have to leave at 8a.m before the rest of the household wakes up. I feel a little cheap. I feel like this is not what i want. So how much does a guy have to fork out before you deem having sex with him acceptable? Doesn't putting a price on THAT make you cheap? I do agree however that he is putting very little effort into this
RiverRunning Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 It's not necessarily about the money, but a man who's willing to spend money on you indicates something (to be fair, this goes for women as well. I couldn't imagine being so cheap. I always liked to take guys out). It indicates you aren't worth the time he took to make that money and you aren't worth the effort to spend it. He's acting upset about buying you COFFEE - something that couldn't have cost him more than $3 or $4? And now he expects sex after one miserable date when he cancelled twice before? He's just in it for the sex. That much is obvious. He's putting forth as little effort as possible and trying to get as much from you as possible. In other words? This is never going to be an even match. And I'm not saying that a man should expect to buy a woman a bunch of stuff in the expectation of getting sex. He should do so because he would like to impress her and he's trying to indicate, hopefully, that he will be a good provider and caretaker. I once dated a guy who acted like he was getting stabbed in the chest any time he picked up the check for a cheap dinner ($15 - $20 for the two of us) maybe, oh, once a season...twice a year...something like that. Yet he expected the world from me. Nuh-uh. This is about an imbalance between what one party is willing to put in compared to the other. His behavior to me indicates that he doesn't think she's worth, well, anything (the money symbolizes that, too. A guy who thinks you're worth something will try to impress you). Not his time (all the cancelling), not his money, effort, etc. He's sending you a clear message of what you should do, OP: Politely let him know he'll have to find a call girl to get his fix.
Els Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Very strange title, OP. Would you have found the rest of his behaviour acceptable if it had been a more expensive meal? Huh.
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