ladyjane83 Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 So I found out my bf of 1.5 years already had a gf for 2.5 years...so I was the other woman without knowing. He chose her and she stayed with him...we stayed in contact (even though he promised he wouldnt) to the point of nightly 1-2 hour phone calls and meeting up for a drink where he told me he still had feelings for me...she found out about all this and again he chose her and again she took him back. Nothing would make her leave him. All I wanted was for her to leave him so that I could have a chance (he told me if it didnt work with her then of course we could give it a try) I was struggling to move on and still contacting him which she no doubt knew about until this weekend when I heard stories about other things he has done that have really made me want to walk away now. I have told her what I was told (its in another thread) and again she has chosen to stay with him. I have told him and her that i could NEVER be with him now, even if he wanted me too and that I am walking away. I wished her luck with him and me and the guy had a 'no hard feelings, its now goodbye' conversation. Just finished day 2 on NC. And its got me thinking...now that im walking away and really couldnt be with him now...is this now inadvertently going to achieve what I wanted in the first place??! her to break up with him? If she does it will be bloody typical no that I cant be with him after what I found out. She told me that she ought to leave him too but she doesnt want to, and she knows she is choosing to belive everything he tell her because she wants to and that it makes her feel rubbish. I just think when you know that someone else is in love with your bf and wants them too, that makes them seem all the more appealing, especially when you know your guy said that if it doesnt work with you he will be with them ( I had told her he said that) so it makes you cling on..because you have got what someone else wants (and because someone else wants him he is obviously worth having?!) and also you may feel like you cant ask for time out or a break incase you realise you want them but they have gone to the other person instead. So you just cling on and try to work it out. BUT...if this other person says they no longer want him, that they believe the things they have heard and that they wouldn't want him anyway, even if he wanted them and they are walking away to find someone better (which is everything I said to her/him) wouldn't that make you think oh, why dont they want him? why do i? ....you may be a bit jubilant like YES! I WON!...but then when its sinks in that the other person doesnt want them anyway would you be left thinking hmm, maybe I haven't won such a great prize after all now that I have won it. And you have no reason to cling on. Im starting to think that this may be the case. Too late for me now as I dont want him anymore, but just wondering if people think this may be what they SO may feel when they know the affair is definitly over?
Heart On Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Maybe the reasons she stayed are also the reasons you stayed. Triangulation is a strong factor within affairs. Sounds to me like you both should have dumped him.He's not all that.Actually,he's an a-hole who cheated on you both.Count your blessings you found out his true colors before she left him and you got stuck with him!
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