lilyblue Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I laughed when she told me she "likes" me when before it was I love you. I don't know what's going on in her head or others when they say that. As far as the guilt I guess they will carry that with them or find some way to justify it in their minds. My ex. really hosed me over BIG time and I don't see how she could EVER forget what she did and I hope she thinks/remembers it everyday. Who knows if they will ever come back and admit it,, depends on the person? It's hard to figure out how they would justify things, but I guess it happens. I would think that guilt would just hang on (it would if it were me) but it's hard to imagine them being able to function if that really were the case... and so I think in my head I imagine (in my case at least) him continuing on in life guilt-free and that can drive me crazy!! I do have experience in this once before - not the rebound situation but the disappearing. The other guy came back 6 months later and apologized. He said he felt guilty about it the whole time, thought about it every day and was just too "scared" to do anything about it until guilt just overcame him. I know it doesn't directly relate to the rebound situation but at least sometimes it gets the best of them.
YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Yeah man I hear ya, it's just a damn shame. For about 2 months I was upset and wanted her back but now I am just so disappointed in her, it sucks when you realize they didn't even care enough to tell you the truth. I really have lost all respect for her, she isn't who I really thought she was.
YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 It's hard to figure out how they would justify things, but I guess it happens. I would think that guilt would just hang on (it would if it were me) but it's hard to imagine them being able to function if that really were the case... and so I think in my head I imagine (in my case at least) him continuing on in life guilt-free and that can drive me crazy!! I do have experience in this once before - not the rebound situation but the disappearing. The other guy came back 6 months later and apologized. He said he felt guilty about it the whole time, thought about it every day and was just too "scared" to do anything about it until guilt just overcame him. I know it doesn't directly relate to the rebound situation but at least sometimes it gets the best of them. Lily, The word scared came out of my ex's mouth a few times, she actually said I was scaring her because I wasn't listening to her........Didn't know what I was actually listening to but I guess it was her need for space (she made no sense). I think guys always come back but would a girl really admit this later in life? I feel like girls always figure out a way to justify their decision and have too much pride to admit their faults aka telling the truth about their feelings for their ex.
Author mike588 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Lily, The word scared came out of my ex's mouth a few times, she actually said I was scaring her because I wasn't listening to her........Didn't know what I was actually listening to but I guess it was her need for space (she made no sense). I think guys always come back but would a girl really admit this later in life? I feel like girls always figure out a way to justify their decision and have too much pride to admit their faults aka telling the truth about their feelings for their ex. Let me add this is Lily doesn't answer,,you ask about if girls have to much pride to admit the truth about their feelings for their ex? Mine told me early on she still had feelings for her ex. then ocassionally,not alot she would bring up things she didn't like about him,,,,, I would do something sweet for her and she would say he would NEVER do that, your wonderful. Also very seldomly we would discuss something about or ex.s but she would NEVER say his name,,, see would just say my ex. or use the first letter in him name. Hummmmm wonder why?? Only at the end after she dumped me did she say/use his full name.
YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Let me add this is Lily doesn't answer,,you ask about if girls have to much pride to admit the truth about their feelings for their ex? Mine told me early on she still had feelings for her ex. then ocassionally,not alot she would bring up things she didn't like about him,,,,, I would do something sweet for her and she would say he would NEVER do that, your wonderful. Also very seldomly we would discuss something about or ex.s but she would NEVER say his name,,, see would just say my ex. or use the first letter in him name. Hummmmm wonder why?? Only at the end after she dumped me did she say/use his full name. Yeah she barely even mentioned him to me and the few things that were mentioned were negatives. The only thing I got was about a month after our breakup she told me it took her a year to get over him, so she supposedly has been over him for a year and "that it doesn't matter because I am not seeing him." After that they become friends on Facebook again 3 weeks later (she had him blocked/just like she has me now) and this is when she totally cuts me out of her life.....Hey maybe they just reconnected 2 years later and are now friends, just the timing of everything/just the way she acted makes me very suspicious so I can't believe that.
lilyblue Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Hmm I guess I can only speak for myself but I couldn't carry around the guilt of having done something cruel to someone. I will be honest and say that it might take me awhile to own up to it, more out of embarrassment than anything else. I would be afraid of the reaction to something that I knew deserved a reaction. You really think guys always come back?
YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Hmm I guess I can only speak for myself but I couldn't carry around the guilt of having done something cruel to someone. I will be honest and say that it might take me awhile to own up to it, more out of embarrassment than anything else. I would be afraid of the reaction to something that I knew deserved a reaction. You really think guys always come back? Lily, Yeah it seems in most cases (friends/personal experience) guys will want to reconnect at some point, especially if they caused the breakup.
Author mike588 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Hmm I guess I can only speak for myself but I couldn't carry around the guilt of having done something cruel to someone. I will be honest and say that it might take me awhile to own up to it, more out of embarrassment than anything else. I would be afraid of the reaction to something that I knew deserved a reaction. You really think guys always come back? I often wonder when the guilt will hit her,,, maybe after their honeymoon period is over? I think you know my story and what I did for her shortly before she dumped me? Myself personally, It would bother me to have that much guilt but then again everyone is different and I'm sure she has found some way to justify it. Do guys always come back? I don't really know, I've pretty much have always been the dumpee,,, guess it depends on the relationship and the situation why it ended.
Jono85 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I think guys always come back but would a girl really admit this later in life? I feel like girls always figure out a way to justify their decision and have too much pride to admit their faults aka telling the truth about their feelings for their ex. i kind of agree with this sentiment unfortunately. my ex, who left me for her ex - the love of her life and the guy whom she has dated off and on for the last 3 or 4 years, the guy who she's been broken up with for periods of 1 year, 6-8 months (with me), and now they've broken up again - IMO never would have went back to her ex if he didn't come crawling back. that's not to suggest the feelings were gone, but for the first 3 months of our relationship they weren't even talking, everything was great. she was slowly getting over him, getting stronger. it was only when he came back, and was writing her love letters, etc, is when she caved. my point is, even the love of her life, she was too stubborn to go back and admit she still had strong feelings for him. so it doesn't surprise me that she left me without a goodbye, and 11 months later she still hasn't contacted me to kind of reflect on how terrible she treated me/see how i'm doing. she's too stubborn and prideful. she clearly has justified it. i should note that she did give me an apology letter when i found out about all the lies (found a letter from her ex), but she also strung me along after that with more lies and broken promises. in the end she still wanted to be friends with me, and i told her i couldn't, and wished her well and said goodbye (through text, b/c she texted me asking how i was doing), she simply never responded. meh. moral of the story, it seems girls are less likely to come back later on in life and seek you out to apologize/explain things. which really is fine, b/c we should be moving on from them and not care about them. it does suck but i think eventually i'll be indifferent about it.
lilyblue Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I'm sure she does feel guilty now. Maybe she's just not in a place to apologize... how do you apologize when you're still doing the action that you need to apologize for? I don't know if that makes sense, or helps at all. I could say the same thing about my own situation but of course my response is still "but he should still apologize!!".
M2155 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 (edited) To be perfectly honest with you, in hindsight the breakup, the reasons etc...none of that matters once it's done. I seriously doubt getting an apology will make a difference. In fact, i think it would make things worse because our nature is to be sympathetic. So let's say they apologize? Then you accept it, say you understand (what else are you going to say?). Now what? Now you're just sad. Now you miss that nice person you remember (because that person you miss would feel guilty, apologize etc...). It's one thing to come back one day and admit they didn't handle things well or whatever their story is, but I just think some of us (me) would gain nothing from an apology. Great not only did you screw me over but you're sorry about it? Oh but not sorry enough not to have just told me what was up like an adult? They have to think about it for a while to feel guilty, and right now I don't think they have a reason to- some of them may never go back and think about it. An apology right now wouldn't feel sincere anyway and would serve more to make them feel better than it would us. I think I'm happier remembering mine was a coward. Edited November 17, 2011 by M2155
Jono85 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 To be perfectly honest with you, in hindsight the breakup, the reasons etc...none of that matters once it's done. I seriously doubt getting an apology will make a difference. In fact, i think it would make things worse because our nature is to be sympathetic. So let's say they apologize? Then you accept it, say you understand (what else are you going to say?). Now what? Now you're just sad. Now you miss that nice person you remember (because that person you miss would feel guilty, apologize etc...). It's one thing to come back one day and admit they didn't handle things well or whatever their story is, but I just think some of us (me) would gain nothing from an apology. Great not only did you screw me over but you're sorry about it? Oh but not sorry enough not to have just told me what was up like an adult? They have to think about it for a while to feel guilty, and right now I don't think they have a reason to- some of them may never go back and think about it. An apology right now wouldn't feel sincere anyway and would serve more to make them feel better than it would us. I think I'm happier remembering mine was a coward. as a realist, i approve of this post. you bring up some very valid points. the only thing i would say is, a big chunk of the reason i felt so sh-tty for the following months after it happened, was not directly related to what she did, but moreso that i feel i'm an excellent evaluator of people (ok maybe everyone believes that..) and i totally failed myself here. that's actually what tore me apart at times more than anything. how could i have had such a lapse in judgement? how could i have been duped and outplayed like that? i felt like a complete idiot to have fallen for such a person and not see through things or catch the warning signs. that's what hurt more than anything. so suppose my ex came back and apologized for everything, telling me how poorly she acted and how selfish she was and how she was a total coward and didn't want to face me and she learned a lot from the experience, etc etc etc, maybe it relieves me of my own guilt a little. maybe i did fall for a good person and she just handled a new obstacle very poorly and recognizes such after the fact. maybe that doesn't in fact make me feel much better, BUT, knowing myself and how much i take ownership of everything that happens to me, i do believe it would have made me feel better, and allow me to forgive her, and accept it a little easier. i could be totally wrong, but i feel like it would have helped. i've gotten over girls in the past, and kept a great deal of respect for them and it felt MUCH better than my last situation. i don't mind an a girl realizing i'm not the one for her, i can accept that. i've done it to girls, and it's a part of life/dating. but there's a level of respect u should maintain for someone u once cared for/loved, that's all.
YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 To be perfectly honest with you, in hindsight the breakup, the reasons etc...none of that matters once it's done. I seriously doubt getting an apology will make a difference. In fact, i think it would make things worse because our nature is to be sympathetic. So let's say they apologize? Then you accept it, say you understand (what else are you going to say?). Now what? Now you're just sad. Now you miss that nice person you remember (because that person you miss would feel guilty, apologize etc...). It's one thing to come back one day and admit they didn't handle things well or whatever their story is, but I just think some of us (me) would gain nothing from an apology. Great not only did you screw me over but you're sorry about it? Oh but not sorry enough not to have just told me what was up like an adult? They have to think about it for a while to feel guilty, and right now I don't think they have a reason to- some of them may never go back and think about it. An apology right now wouldn't feel sincere anyway and would serve more to make them feel better than it would us. I think I'm happier remembering mine was a coward. Well my ex did apologize and would constantly say sorry because she knew I was hurt. I actually got sick of it and told her to stop. Was this guilt? It's really just coming back and setting things straight and owning up to the truth. I know if I did something behind someones back it would haunt me for awhile. I think some girls just do this because they think it would only hurt us more if we found out the real reasons......The thing is that the truth always does come out some way or another, especially in this socially dominated world. I know if I screwed someone over or treated them terribly I would one day contact them and tell them what really happened and I was sorry for mishandling things. My one ex girlfriend a year later did show up on my doorstep and explained everything to me/ now I actually respect her and have no hard feelings. I just hope my current ex will do the same or I will never respect her.......Some people just don't have a heart I guess
YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 as a realist, i approve of this post. you bring up some very valid points. the only thing i would say is, a big chunk of the reason i felt so sh-tty for the following months after it happened, was not directly related to what she did, but moreso that i feel i'm an excellent evaluator of people (ok maybe everyone believes that..) and i totally failed myself here. that's actually what tore me apart at times more than anything. how could i have had such a lapse in judgement? how could i have been duped and outplayed like that? i felt like a complete idiot to have fallen for such a person and not see through things or catch the warning signs. that's what hurt more than anything. so suppose my ex came back and apologized for everything, telling me how poorly she acted and how selfish she was and how she was a total coward and didn't want to face me and she learned a lot from the experience, etc etc etc, maybe it relieves me of my own guilt a little. maybe i did fall for a good person and she just handled a new obstacle very poorly and recognizes such after the fact. maybe that doesn't in fact make me feel much better, BUT, knowing myself and how much i take ownership of everything that happens to me, i do believe it would have made me feel better, and allow me to forgive her, and accept it a little easier. i could be totally wrong, but i feel like it would have helped. i've gotten over girls in the past, and kept a great deal of respect for them and it felt MUCH better than my last situation. i don't mind an a girl realizing i'm not the one for her, i can accept that. i've done it to girls, and it's a part of life/dating. but there's a level of respect u should maintain for someone u once cared for/loved, that's all. Jono, I felt the exact same way as you did with this current ex and have gone through similar experiences.
Author mike588 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Well my ex did apologize and would constantly say sorry because she knew I was hurt. I actually got sick of it and told her to stop. Was this guilt? It's really just coming back and setting things straight and owning up to the truth. I know if I did something behind someones back it would haunt me for awhile. I think some girls just do this because they think it would only hurt us more if we found out the real reasons......The thing is that the truth always does come out some way or another, especially in this socially dominated world. I know if I screwed someone over or treated them terribly I would one day contact them and tell them what really happened and I was sorry for mishandling things. My one ex girlfriend a year later did show up on my doorstep and explained everything to me/ now I actually respect her and have no hard feelings. I just hope my current ex will do the same or I will never respect her.......Some people just don't have a heart I guess My ex. apoligized in a long email shortly after dumping me and I don't expect another one and I'm sure it made her feel better to clear the air and get it off her shoulders? One thing she mentioned in that email was: I decided to continue this relationship (with him) knowing it will fail again,,,, WTF!!!!!! WTF!!! She's got issues!
YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 My ex. apoligized in a long email shortly after dumping me and I don't expect another one and I'm sure it made her feel better to clear the air and get it off her shoulders? One thing she mentioned in that email was: I decided to continue this relationship (with him) knowing it will fail again,,,, WTF!!!!!! WTF!!! She's got issues! Mike, At least she told you she was going back to him, but that is real messed up she said she knew it would fail again. It seems to me she just said that to give you some false hope. It's funny how non of these girls actually broke up with any of us face to face. Did anyone's ex actually break up with them face to face? It's funny they can't face us, what cowards.
lilyblue Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 With the one that did come back and apologize to me, it also included an explanation of his "reasoning". I accepted it. It did not make me more sad. I needed awhile to process it. I didn't contact him for a couple months after, he eventually contacted me again, and now we're very good friends. I enjoy him as a person, I'm still attracted to him, but our relationship has changed (I think for the better). He's actually someone I have talked to a little about the current situation. And nope, the recent ex didn't do it in person either. He didn't even really "do" anything. cowards!
Author mike588 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Mike, At least she told you she was going back to him, but that is real messed up she said she knew it would fail again. It seems to me she just said that to give you some false hope. It's funny how non of these girls actually broke up with any of us face to face. Did anyone's ex actually break up with them face to face? It's funny they can't face us, what cowards. Mine broke up with me face to face 1st saying something was missing, it's pretty much over , I wasn't her life mate, she needed time alone etc. At that time nothing was said about her ex. (I should of know better) then 2 days later I texted her asking her if she's seeing someone else. She responded with no, then said she's willing to try to make us work cause I've been nothing but good to her. I got my hopes up then 2 days later she tells me about the ex. over the phone. I know if was a tough choice for her, she was confused because she knew how well I treated her, how much I loved her, she needed days to think about it but eventually she followed her heart and went back to him. She also mentioned it's probably not the best decision she's ever made. I guess they are in love and happy,, haven't heard from her or received any breadcrumbs in 3 months now,,, Thank God.
YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Mine broke up with me face to face 1st saying something was missing, it's pretty much over , I wasn't her life mate, she needed time alone etc. At that time nothing was said about her ex. (I should of know better) then 2 days later I texted her asking her if she's seeing someone else. She responded with no, then said she's willing to try to make us work cause I've been nothing but good to her. I got my hopes up then 2 days later she tells me about the ex. over the phone. I know if was a tough choice for her, she was confused because she knew how well I treated her, how much I loved her, she needed days to think about it but eventually she followed her heart and went back to him. She also mentioned it's probably not the best decision she's ever made. I guess they are in love and happy,, haven't heard from her or received any breadcrumbs in 3 months now,,, Thank God. Mike, Our stories are so similar....I knew something was off with my ex because she started acting weird over text (I was on vacation). So the next day it took me 10 minutes to get it out of her and she finally admitted something was off, she was sad (everything I already explained). I told her to think it over and get back to me when her mind clears. It took her 5 days to make up her mind, she called me and broke up with me. I always wondered why it took her 5 days? Now I know, she was choosing between him and I (that's what I believe). It's funny she told me her head said she should be with me but not her heart, let me guess why..........Stupid girl should have just told me the damn truth!
Author mike588 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Mike, Our stories are so similar....I knew something was off with my ex because she started acting weird over text (I was on vacation). So the next day it took me 10 minutes to get it out of her and she finally admitted something was off, she was sad (everything I already explained). I told her to think it over and get back to me when her mind clears. It took her 5 days to make up her mind, she called me and broke up with me. I always wondered why it took her 5 days? Now I know, she was choosing between him and I (that's what I believe). It's funny she told me her head said she should be with me but not her heart, let me guess why..........Stupid girl should have just told me the damn truth! It wouldn't really of mattered to me if she told me about the ex. that 1st night or several days later,, it was still over. I do have some respect for her actually breaking up with me face to face. I'm sure both of ours were torn over what to do and I find some comfort in that,,,, that she had some feelings for me and it wasn't an easy decision she had to make. Let me add some injury to insult about my ex. She had some surgery done and I was there for her, took her to the surgery place, held her hand in the recovery room, took her home and waited on her hand and foot for about 9 days,, did everything for her including taking care of her house. 3 days after she was on her feet again she dumped me. OUCH!!!!!!!!! I hope she feels/felt guilty about that!!! But then again, it doesn't matter anymore.
YouNeverKnow86 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 It wouldn't really of mattered to me if she told me about the ex. that 1st night or several days later,, it was still over. I do have some respect for her actually breaking up with me face to face. I'm sure both of ours were torn over what to do and I find some comfort in that,,,, that she had some feelings for me and it wasn't an easy decision she had to make. Let me add some injury to insult about my ex. She had some surgery done and I was there for her, took her to the surgery place, held her hand in the recovery room, took her home and waited on her hand and foot for about 9 days,, did everything for her including taking care of her house. 3 days after she was on her feet again she dumped me. OUCH!!!!!!!!! I hope she feels/felt guilty about that!!! But then again, it doesn't matter anymore. Terrible man......and where was her ex during this? You know it is such BS, it's like a challenge for them to win back the love of their ex. They know we cared for them/loved them/etc....So we were no longer a challenge
M2155 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 as a realist, i approve of this post. you bring up some very valid points. the only thing i would say is, a big chunk of the reason i felt so sh-tty for the following months after it happened, was not directly related to what she did, but moreso that i feel i'm an excellent evaluator of people (ok maybe everyone believes that..) and i totally failed myself here. that's actually what tore me apart at times more than anything. how could i have had such a lapse in judgement? how could i have been duped and outplayed like that? i felt like a complete idiot to have fallen for such a person and not see through things or catch the warning signs. that's what hurt more than anything. As a fellow realist, I approve of this reaction:laugh:. I felt the same thing. Like how did I not see this? But at the end of the day, I don't think he was a bad guy, maybe he was just a runner and doesn't know how to confront emotions (but thats not really an excuse for disrespect). Ok whatever, but I still couldn't believe I let that happen. YouNeverKnow86 and others I get the feeling it was after you have seriously moved on from it when this happened. So I guess if my ex felt the need to apologze in the future, it's cool but I don't think I'd care anymore either way. I could consider friendship, but I don't think I even want to aknowledge the former relationship. I am friends with a few of my exes but looking back, I've also never had a breakup where an apology was neccessary. It's not wrong to break up or have feelings for another person, it's wrong to lead someone one on when you're moving on- emotionally or otherwise- behind their back.
Author mike588 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Terrible man......and where was her ex during this? You know it is such BS, it's like a challenge for them to win back the love of their ex. They know we cared for them/loved them/etc....So we were no longer a challenge Yep that's the way I look at it. I sooooo badly wanted to ask her that question ,, WELL WHERE THE F*UCK WAS HE during that time but didn't want to break N.C. and I'm sure I would of heard some excuse,,, oh she did say in that email that is wasn't planned (reconnecting with him) yea right!! What the hell are we supposed to do during our next relationship,,, don't tell her you love her,show her you don't care, be distant just to keep them. Geeze!!! Seems like you just can't be yourself.
M2155 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 What the hell are we supposed to do during our next relationship,,, don't tell her you love her,show her you don't care, be distant just to keep them. Geeze!!! Seems like you just can't be yourself. Be yourself. Don't give 90/10. Give 50/50. If it's the right person, things will turn out differently.
jsd43953 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Hello Mike I am feeling your pain. I am new to this and this heart broken thing is too. I found this site so I am hoping venting will provide some solice. Here is my story: About 4 months ago me and my uncle's wife daughter started to talk (she's not blood so its quite different). We've know each other for years but never really had too much of a relationship outside of the obvious crush we had on one another..but not much communication. Anyway 4 months ago I saw her on facebook and just sent a message and we began to talk. This is when I found out that she was going through a break up with a guy who she has been with for 2 years (minus the 6 months he was in jail; but she kept phone contact). They lived together, she has two kids that are not his, but they call him Dad. However for the two years they were together he was a live in, sit on the couch play vide games type , not working or helping pay bills dude. He was still living with her once during the time we were in contact but that was dissolving rapidly and her I began communicating more and more..hours at a time on the phone all day texting etc. As her relationship was falling apart and she ended up kicking him out she turned to me to come to her place because she was scared he might try to break in or whatever. Well the first time i came over she introduced me to her kids as their cousin (neither one of us expected the upcoming events). It was a cool weekend, but some how me and her ended up having sex. This ultimately changed things. We were like we are not going to catch feelings etc, but then that backfired. So a few family gatherings come and go and she is still introducing me to her family as a cousin, but there are stronger feelings now. I have now been at her house for a few weeks looking for a job (actually found one while out there). During the week her kids are at her grandmas so it is just me and her at her house. Sparks begin flying. its clear she loves me but I know she is not over her ex and I ask her about being a rebound.. And she said if you were a rebound we would just have sex and i would send you home, rather than have you stay with me. I like you being here and for all that you do for me to show me you care. Side notes: The first time we had sex we kissed for about 2 hours; she aknowledged she never kissed anyone that long.. she also was shaking and all that before we even started intercourse..I was making love to her which i have never done. I would massage her back when should would ask cause I knew it would hurt. Id wake up in the morning to make sure she had breakfast before work and make sure she had dinner made and a clean house when she got home (this was before I started working). As this goes on one day she ask me if I want to make it official and be her boyfriend. So in essence everything was cool. She also told me she never told anyone she loved them first; she told me she loved me first. She said she didnt want any more kids; she said she wants one with me and even wants to marry me and we began talking about that alot. This is even stuff she told her friends and her mother. Now what happens is events occur where now the kids are home everyday with her. This is not a problem with me; I am not working and going into this i realized that if i was going to love her I had to love the kids the same so I took the daddy role. Continued to wake up in the morning get myself ready for work, wake her up to get ready, cook breakfast for her, the kids and myself.. set off for work, come home clean, cook dinner, give the kids a bath and ready for bed and so forth. Just giving you an idea. Nothing seemed out fo the ordinary, but sometimes things arent always what they seem I suppose So fast forward through the honeymoon stages..(well thats bad terminology because it was no honeymoon stage since we were not declining feelings only incling and building on them). Anyway we decide that it is a good idea to tell her kids (ages 2 and 4) that we are not cousins but "friends". Unfortunately, the 4 year old did not understand as he was always questioning why mommy was sleping with her cousin; needless to say that was stressing to her emotionally. Secondly her family; on her fathers side had a lot of negative stuff to say about it as well, but she blew it off. However since the son is always at the grandmas this is stuff that he has to hear and he brings that home, b/c we were saying one thing to him and then he hears this. Again the kids are home everyday with her. Neither of us had a car. But out of the blue her comes mr ex dude.. with a brand new car and stacks of money throwing around. The same guy who watched her struggle for two years.. never bought the kids anything but now is buying her clothes, the kids clother, picking them up in the morning for work and babysitter and bringing them home. She tells me that she feels as if he didnt do anything while they were together and now wants to come around buying stuff and she aint got to do nothing for it that she is going to take advantage. Sounds f'd up but i can't blame her a woman scorned to a degree. So her we are having several nights of just communicating how her son being confused is stressing her, how her family saying stuff is stressing her. How she loves both him and I and it not fair so she'd rather be alone. That she does mean everything we talked about that just right now, as in she feels we need to take a step back in order to move forward. So of course I am heart broken I pack my things and leave the next day. but before I leave she tells me I didnt tell you that you have to leave, just said that we could not do what we've been doing. The day I leave she texts me asking am I okay.. of course I am not and she just replies I am sorry for hurting you, whatelse do you want me to do. I leave it at that. A few days later I get a text since I did not say anything since saying morning. How come you dont text me anymore? I replied just been busy with work. She then says i cant keep her up all night :* (mind you this is something she would say when we would be having sex or about to at night). So I said funny, you don't miss me enough for that. She then said i do, but this is the best for now. I agreed and that was it. It has been now 9 days since I have heard from her and I am struggling to not contact her. If you have read my F'd up situation and have some words of encourgement Id appreciate it.
Recommended Posts