chados Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 (edited) my ex girlfriend probably thinks i'm dating, because i said that i was going to meet some people a few days ago in a city. funny thing happened. old friend added me on facebook today and she lives in that city. is this a good thing? it dosnt say i date someone, it does say i might be dating. crazy things like this has been happening all week. i've had NC for 3weeks, and she has contact me twice. should i call her and ask for a coffee? or should i let her be, and hope she'll be jealous and contact me? someone help me before i make a big mistake!!! Edited November 16, 2011 by chados
Author chados Posted November 16, 2011 Author Posted November 16, 2011 and btw. would you contact your ex after you dumped him?
nu464 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 The guy that I'm dating has another girl pregnant! OK- back in late July I met this amazing man, we met through a group of mutual friends who always hung out at the same bar/restaurant during the summer. The first night we offically hung out outside of the bar- he told me something BIG! He told me that he wanted to be very open and honest with me, busy he was already starting to care for me. He told me that his ex-girlfriend is pregnant, and they are pretty positive its his. She found out after they broke up, and it wasn't even really a relationship, more of a fling.I chose to be very understanding about this situation- I could tell he was not happy about it, and I like him- plus I understand that it just happens sometimes. The baby is due Jan 1. Over time, we've casually hung out and recently become a lot closer. We both agree that we both care for each other a lot, and despite this issue, I could see him in my future. He treats me like I've never been treated, and I've never gotten a long with anyone as I do him. SO there is this issue. Hes such a sweetheart and of course wants to support the baby. He's made it clear to me many many many times starting with the night we met that he does NOT want to be with her, hes the one that broke it off anyway. He has no interest in her and only wants to be there financially. I'm just bothered I guess because he tries to go by her place and visit at least once a week and spend some time with her and help her around the house since she is getting big. Which is understandable. I just can't help but wonder what will happen though when the baby is born. You can pretty much call us dating, and I understand he wants to be a part of his daughters life and that is fine, but I find myself lately worrying that they will grow closer in those first few vital weeks and then I'll be history. He swears to me that would never happen and he never ever wants to be with her. I just wanted to know if anyone else has gone through this, and any advice? I like this guy, I almost think I love him, and he feels the same way. Its a complicated situation. can it work?
robf1971 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 my ex girlfriend probably thinks i'm dating, because i said that i was going to meet some people a few days ago in a city. funny thing happened. old friend added me on facebook today and she lives in that city. is this a good thing? it dosnt say i date someone, it does say i might be dating. crazy things like this has been happening all week. i've had NC for 3weeks, and she has contact me twice. should i call her and ask for a coffee? or should i let her be, and hope she'll be jealous and contact me? someone help me before i make a big mistake!!! Nope it's all a waste of time ignore all texts. She's just stringing you along!!
Author chados Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 (edited) The guy that I'm dating has another girl pregnant! OK- back in late July I met this amazing man, we met through a group of mutual friends who always hung out at the same bar/restaurant during the summer. The first night we offically hung out outside of the bar- he told me something BIG! He told me that he wanted to be very open and honest with me, busy he was already starting to care for me. He told me that his ex-girlfriend is pregnant, and they are pretty positive its his. She found out after they broke up, and it wasn't even really a relationship, more of a fling.I chose to be very understanding about this situation- I could tell he was not happy about it, and I like him- plus I understand that it just happens sometimes. The baby is due Jan 1. Over time, we've casually hung out and recently become a lot closer. We both agree that we both care for each other a lot, and despite this issue, I could see him in my future. He treats me like I've never been treated, and I've never gotten a long with anyone as I do him. SO there is this issue. Hes such a sweetheart and of course wants to support the baby. He's made it clear to me many many many times starting with the night we met that he does NOT want to be with her, hes the one that broke it off anyway. He has no interest in her and only wants to be there financially. I'm just bothered I guess because he tries to go by her place and visit at least once a week and spend some time with her and help her around the house since she is getting big. Which is understandable. I just can't help but wonder what will happen though when the baby is born. You can pretty much call us dating, and I understand he wants to be a part of his daughters life and that is fine, but I find myself lately worrying that they will grow closer in those first few vital weeks and then I'll be history. He swears to me that would never happen and he never ever wants to be with her. I just wanted to know if anyone else has gone through this, and any advice? I like this guy, I almost think I love him, and he feels the same way. Its a complicated situation. can it work? wow. well of course it can. its all up to you to two. there's not much i can give you as advice. if he doesn't want to be with her and but will keep in touch because of the baby, if he's being honest about that. then its all up to you to say. i accept this UPDATE: well after 3 weeks of NC i felt like i had control over my life, i was feeling better. and by knowing her looking up everything i do. it gets me start wondering if she's still in love with me of course. could this day be any worse. and i'm waiting for her to contact me again. i hate this feeling "not knowing" i just wanna move on. not go back. Edited November 17, 2011 by chados
Rorschach64 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Chados, NC, NC, and more NC. Who cares what she thinks? She made her bed and now she can lay in it. You are still fresh in the funk so it is okay to still be wondering what is up with your ex but you have to come to the conclusion/realization that you are first of all in the wrong part of LS. Secondly, you must accept that your old relationship is now dead, buried, and should be mourned appropriately. Lastly, only way to move past this garbage is to ignore her mind f*ck f*ck games because that is what they are, just games and consist nothing of what you really desire.
Author chados Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Chados, NC, NC, and more NC. Who cares what she thinks? She made her bed and now she can lay in it. You are still fresh in the funk so it is okay to still be wondering what is up with your ex but you have to come to the conclusion/realization that you are first of all in the wrong part of LS. Secondly, you must accept that your old relationship is now dead, buried, and should be mourned appropriately. Lastly, only way to move past this garbage is to ignore her mind f*ck f*ck games because that is what they are, just games and consist nothing of what you really desire. thanks man, it looks like you really want to help people here, you answer a lot of my stupid questions:) but you know still, our relationship ended because of me being clingy and needy when she had a rough period. i do want her back, and i know i might find a better girl for me. but right now i cant help thinking what if?. i know people want to help here, and i haven't answered her. but i really want someone to answer my question even if its silly. is it good if she thinks im dating? and i mean just "think" is it a bigger chance she will initiate contact then?
Rorschach64 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 In all honesty even if you were clingy and needy during a rough period of hers she shouldn't have broken up with you over THAT. A lot of people just take the easy way out and don't want to work on a relationship and go "Hey we have a problem here, let's geuinely work on it because I love you and as a couple we owe it to each other to stick through it." Okay I'll try my best to answer this question but in all honesty I can only speculate because I don't know her. Going off a cause and effect stance, since she thinks ( I am assume this is exactly what she thinks ) that you are dating she has started talking to you more, yes? Obviously the image of you dating has caused either a possession/pride instinct to kick in hence her poking around. When considering is this good in terms of reconciliation, I would say no because it isn't an inner desire/self realization to change herself and/or to say "Hey Chados is an awesome guy that I would love to be with for the rest of my life and other sort of romantic mush." Even if the notion of you dating causes her to seek reconciliation I think the new/rekindled relationship will be short lived because the issues probably would not have been identified and worked on.
Author chados Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 In all honesty even if you were clingy and needy during a rough period of hers she shouldn't have broken up with you over THAT. A lot of people just take the easy way out and don't want to work on a relationship and go "Hey we have a problem here, let's geuinely work on it because I love you and as a couple we owe it to each other to stick through it." Okay I'll try my best to answer this question but in all honesty I can only speculate because I don't know her. Going off a cause and effect stance, since she thinks ( I am assume this is exactly what she thinks ) that you are dating she has started talking to you more, yes? Obviously the image of you dating has caused either a possession/pride instinct to kick in hence her poking around. When considering is this good in terms of reconciliation, I would say no because it isn't an inner desire/self realization to change herself and/or to say "Hey Chados is an awesome guy that I would love to be with for the rest of my life and other sort of romantic mush." Even if the notion of you dating causes her to seek reconciliation I think the new/rekindled relationship will be short lived because the issues probably would not have been identified and worked on. thanks again for taking your time, the thing is. i know what the problem is, and its something i can fix, i'm just speculating thats why she dumped me. she felt pressured. if she wants to give me another chance, and if i want to give her another chance when the time is right. and she still doesn't want me even if i fix my problem, then i will realize it just wasn't meant to be.
Rorschach64 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 You recognize the problem but does SHE recognize it? Plus that is the problem too, you are speculating but in all honesty, like most of us here on LS, not all of us were told everything about why our break ups occured. Relationships are 50/50 unless there is cheating and excessive lying, you know all that fun drama llama stuff. I think you need to just stick to the NC and reflect on the relationship, yourself, and her to gain a better understanding still. Let's say she does give you a second chance...and now you are back in a relationship with her, but the knowledge of her ending the relationship because of pressure/having a rough time the first time through makes you think doesn't it? To me this would signal the fact that anytime things get rough for her, she will bail on you do you really want such a weak willed person? I wouldn't. Now even consider if the tables were turned and you were having a rough time and she was being clingy/needy would you really break up with her over that?
Author chados Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 You recognize the problem but does SHE recognize it? Plus that is the problem too, you are speculating but in all honesty, like most of us here on LS, not all of us were told everything about why our break ups occured. Relationships are 50/50 unless there is cheating and excessive lying, you know all that fun drama llama stuff. I think you need to just stick to the NC and reflect on the relationship, yourself, and her to gain a better understanding still. Let's say she does give you a second chance...and now you are back in a relationship with her, but the knowledge of her ending the relationship because of pressure/having a rough time the first time through makes you think doesn't it? To me this would signal the fact that anytime things get rough for her, she will bail on you do you really want such a weak willed person? I wouldn't. Now even consider if the tables were turned and you were having a rough time and she was being clingy/needy would you really break up with her over that? im gonna try explain this, she dumped me because she felt that i didn't care about her. and she didnt tell me that before 2 months or something had passed. we talked and had a great weekend. she went back to school 1,5 week. and then i called her, texted her waaaaaay to much , and of course she felt i just did that because she told me to. so i messed up. see why i still got my hopes up?
Rorschach64 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 So let me get this straight, she only told you the reason why she broke up with you two months after the fact? My next question is, do you think you honestly cared a whole lot about her with every fiber of your being? Did you text her 'way too much' based on what she told you or you did it because you cared for serious? I dunno still seems wish washy to me man but still ask those questions in terms of what if's. Food for thought.
Author chados Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 So let me get this straight, she only told you the reason why she broke up with you two months after the fact? My next question is, do you think you honestly cared a whole lot about her with every fiber of your being? Did you text her 'way too much' based on what she told you or you did it because you cared for serious? I dunno still seems wish washy to me man but still ask those questions in terms of what if's. Food for thought. im just guessing here. she felt that she wasn't needed and she said she felt like i was scared of her. i was laid back because i thought she was bored with me. and because she didn't say anything i didnt know that she was waiting for me to make approach. and when she finally told me, everything was great when we were together. she kinda said im gonna be a little reserved? , "its hard to explain the exact words in english" probably because she wanted to see me change. but didn't let her be reserved, i felt this was a new start , it was a great feeling having talked to her about everything that even i would like to change. and my instinct told me to overdo everything. crazy in love you know. and she was feeling that i just changed because she told me to. so i messed up, i asked her , don't you love me anymore and she said, yes but not as strong as before.
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