wildtrac77 Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Well i meet someone online, chatted for a bit then meet up, got on incredible well, been out on several dates over a few weeks and getting on really well, sleep together on several but not all of them after the third one which was really good. Great chemistry and a really deep connection between us,(something iv never experienced before with anyone and from what she said she hadnt either ( and iv been out with a lot of women but this just felt so different) we could chat to each other for hours ( first date meet up, ended up chatting for 8 hours and when we parted we both agreed it felt like we had only been talking for 10 mins which is something neither of us had experienced before. She told that i was really easy to talk to and told me some really personal stuff about her past that only a couple of people know about, another thing was she would never let any exs touch her hair/ face, hold hands etc and never normally would curl up on the sofa with a guy and fall asleep with him but she said it felt really comftable to do all these things with me, and when we sleep together she used to curl up right beside me where as in the past she would always turn away from the guy. She had told all her family and friends about me. So would you say the above is good signs?? NOW THE PROBLEM!! After a few weeks she suddenly turned round and said she wasnt ready for a reship yet and it was bad timing( only been out of a 6 year reslhip a few months) but she likes me and enjoys being with me but didnt know what to do. Clearly she is not over her ex and ready for a relship yet( which i can understand) i txt her a few days later saying that i hope everything is okay and i can see she has things to sort out from the last relship but if we had meet in a normal way we would have hit it off straight away as friends so be good to stay in touch and guess we will catch up at some point.( had made it clear when she broke it off that i thought something would happen sooner or later again as we have such a chemistry). Im not sure know that txt was a good one to send (sent a couple of weeks ago) as she may be thinking im only looking at friendship if we have contact in the future but im thinking i should txt her again at some point and make it clearer that i know she needs the time and space to work things thru about her last relship,which i understand, but i think something will more than likely happen between us in the future as we get on so well and clearly like each other when she is ready to move on and also show that i care about her. When/should i txt and how should i write it?? and is it a good or bad idea?? Normally i would walk but something is stopping me this time.
insertnamehere Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 You only ever get what you're willing to step up and ask for. If you want a shot, you step up and take it. As for "not over the ex" . . . so? Closure is a bull**** concept. We carry baggage and some of it we carry to the grave and that's just life.
rightfield Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Things got going too fast, and too good, and she got scared. The best thing to do here is to back off, but deftly stay in touch. Every once few days or so, maybe a couple of times per week, send something funny. Keep it light, like maybe a picture of something that is humorous. Reference something that the two of you discussed. You need to make it clear to her that you can make her comfortable by giving her space and taking things slowly. Don't send serious texts about 'us' or 'where this is going.' After a week or two, ask her to get together again, but don't make it a romantic date. Make it something light and fun and focus on getting to know one another as friends. I'm sure others will have a lot of other advice. Consider it all, use what you feel applies to your situation, then come back and post results and we'll go from there.
Author wildtrac77 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 You only ever get what you're willing to step up and ask for. If you want a shot, you step up and take it. As for "not over the ex" . . . so? Closure is a bull**** concept. We carry baggage and some of it we carry to the grave and that's just life. Yea i agree with you on the closure concept and told her basically what you said when she called it off, life is too bloody short for living in the past,iv had crap stuff happen but you deal with it then move on with your life. So what are you suggesting i txt her and say what im thinking might happen in time when she is ready to move on or txt her but keep it light hearted like what the post below yours say?
Author wildtrac77 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Things got going too fast, and too good, and she got scared. The best thing to do here is to back off, but deftly stay in touch. Every once few days or so, maybe a couple of times per week, send something funny. Keep it light, like maybe a picture of something that is humorous. Reference something that the two of you discussed. You need to make it clear to her that you can make her comfortable by giving her space and taking things slowly. Don't send serious texts about 'us' or 'where this is going.' After a week or two, ask her to get together again, but don't make it a romantic date. Make it something light and fun and focus on getting to know one another as friends. I'm sure others will have a lot of other advice. Consider it all, use what you feel applies to your situation, then come back and post results and we'll go from there. Yea i dont think she had experienced such a closeness with a guy in the past as she has with me so it prob scared her quite a bit, things did go really fast i can see now in hindsight. Hadnt thought about your approach, you think it would be best to send a few friendly txts just mentioning things we talked about/ done and just saying about i hope this/that went okay (things i know she had planned) but not asking her any questions about anything, etc then sending one saying what i mentioned in my post i was going to send??? my thinking was to send it then back right off for a few weeks to give her space. Tricky one as i want to give her time and space to work thru things and dont want to come across as clingy/needy etc ( as im def not, its just something is different with her),or that im looking to be just friends( with her its either all or nothing down the road) but at the same time i dont want to back off too much so that she thinks i dont care and im like a lot of other guys that have treated her like crap in the past.
insertnamehere Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 So what are you suggesting i txt her and say what im thinking might happen in time when she is ready to move on or txt her but keep it light hearted like what the post below yours say? I'm more of a direct type. I'd recommend whatever works within your personality. If lighthearted works for you, there's nothing wrong with it. I tend to have trouble with lighthearted and end up coming off as either glib or downright mean.
Author wildtrac77 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 I'm more of a direct type. I'd recommend whatever works within your personality. If lighthearted works for you, there's nothing wrong with it. I tend to have trouble with lighthearted and end up coming off as either glib or downright mean. Think i will txt her in a few days just to give her memory a nudge about me, will keep it lighthearted but mention a couple of things about me that she was really intrested in, say i hope this/ that went okay (things i know she had planned), and just say something like :yea i still cant believe how easy you are to chat to and how we could chat for hours but it would only seem like minutes, and also something like : i know she has things to work out about her last relship at the moment but when the time is right who knows what will happen between us,( we do have one hell of a connection thats for sure). not aske her any questions so she feels she has to reply and then back off and leave it a few weeks. Sound good or some of it a bit ott?? ( ie: about what might happen in the future etc) Not gonna put my life on hold thou, what will be will be i guess
Recommended Posts