canifixit Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 I have a dilemma. I have two friends who have had a major falling out. Let’s call them Kate and Michelle. Kate and I are very close and objectively I am more closer to her out of all the mutual friends. Michelle I have known since I was five years old and though we don't have a close friendship we keep in touch and see each other a few times a year. It’s what we’re used to. Michelle unfortunately has decided to cease all contact with Kate and given some vague reason to another friend about it but refuses to discuss it. She will ignore anyone asking about Kate as if she didn’t hear or read the query. Kate is really lovely and has been very upset about being cut out of Michelle’s life without any explanation at all. They both had a strong friendship outside the circle and that’s why Kate is so hurt. My problem is that I’ve heard Kate a few times being very upset about Michelle. And though she says she completely understands my continuing friendship with Michelle, she is really struggling with it. It hasn’t been that long and she is very raw about it. I’m trying to see them separately and though I don’t tell Kate I’m seeing Michelle- through the grapevine she hears about it. I do think that Michelle has treated Kate very shabbily but as she refuses to talk about it I don’t see any point in bringing it up with Michelle. I have really tried to stay neutral through it all but as Kate is so vocal and upset about it, I’m being even more restrained in what I say. Kate is taking it very personally and said that I don’t understand really as Michelle didn’t hurt me so I’m unaffected by it. She is right, Michelle didn’t ice me out of her life but Michelle is also important to me. Kate has tried to be rational and does keep saying she isn’t asking me take sides or choose but as she is so hurt about it, she reacts emotionally every time Michelle is mentioned. I’m guessing it will pass. Kate has been a great friend and is truly lovely and it’s all very strange why Michelle has been so cruel but Michelle has always been nice to me so I don’t want to get involved. I think Kate feels hurt that I’m taking such a back seat in all this. I suppose she wishes that I would defend her but Michelle is acting like it doesn’t matter to her that she has cut Kate out and so what can we do about it? I want to have a Christmas gathering and want to invite them all but I’m sure one of them won’t come as the other will be there. Has anyone else been in a situation like this?
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