Rere Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 I will never say to their faces or tell anyone actually but personally inside- I want my mutual friends to be disgusted by my former friends actions and want to say something to her or at least think less of her... I’d like them to be appalled by the way she treated me and think if she could do that to Helen, she could do that to me...it’s because they haven’t been hurt by her so they’re carrying on like nothing has happened. They are continuing to be friends with her and refusing to get involved as it’s not their problem. They understand that I’m hurt but say she is their friend too so don’t want to get involved. I honestly, can’t help feel betrayed by the mutual friends. I really know that if she did to one of them what she did to me- I would be appalled and say what on earth are you doing? How could you treat so and so that way...and surely, surely you can’t help think less of a person who acted badly... even if they are a friend- you’d want some kind of explanation at least. Doesn’t it make you rethink your friendships with people capable of doing vicious things?? Why oh why are people so afraid to speak to their mind and be honest!! And why are people so afraid to get involved? This whole hands off routine frustrates me no end. My mutual friends now do things separately with the both of us which is ridiculous but there we go. They have seen me and now they are going to see her and I can’t stop imagining them laughing and joking together and not caring one iota how much she hurt me. And it’s not like I’m being precious- she was really horrible. Yet, they continue to behave like she is sweet as pie and I’m flabbergasted. Seriously. I feel like I’m risking losing the mutual friends as well as I my anger and hurt is still so raw. I can see anger is a normal feeling when it comes to things like this. I’m trying to steer clear of one mutual friend as we had a tiff about it and I really think if I carry on- I will burst out the childish ‘’its either her or me!!’’ and well frankly I can’t do that- though deep down I want them to pound her in the head and wake her up to the consequences of her actions. She is stone wall quite literally. And hands down, for people who don’t even know me- I didn’t do anything at all. I’ve been the best friend I could be yet she cut me off just like that- threw me away like I didn’t matter and the hurt is horrendous. It happened a few weeks ago. Why are people so oblivious to hurting others? Why do they not care? When and how do you become so cold and hard hearted after ten years of friendship? It’s like an on and off switch. She switched off our friendship. Any advice? Thanks so much. I know people go through this all the time but it feels so personal. I'm over the tears and I don't even miss her now. It's the anger and hurt thats so prevalent.
shocked_confused Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 (edited) Rere, I understand your anger and hurt over the whole thing. I would hate to be in your position. On the other hand, it would be really unfair for you to tell your friends to choose between you and your ex-bff. I was recently in the same position as your mutual friends. My two closest friends (though I was a little closer to the one who did the hurting) had a HUGE falling out. I decided to do what your mutual friends did for a while and stay out of it and remain friends with both. Eventually, the friend who was hurt by the falling out lost her mind and gave me an ultimatum ("ME OR HER"). Guess who I chose? The other friend. A good friend won't make you choose. I found the hurt friend to be more toxic and mentally draining than my other friend who was in the wrong during the falling out. I spent over a year listening to the hurt friend vent her frustrations over my other friend and I couldn't take it anymore and told her to MOVE ON. That's when she gave me the ultimatum. Didn't end so well for her. My advice: If you are finding it difficult to be with your mutual friends knowing that they are friends with your ex-bff, then you should try to make other friends or connect more with non-mutual friends. Distance yourself a bit from your mutual friends. It's not easy, I know that. And you're probably thinking: Why should I lose friends when I did nothing wrong??...It sucks, but if you continue on the way you have been, you going to explode on them, give them the ultimatum, and the outcome will not be good for you. I'm sorry you're in this position, but I know you can move on from this. Best of luck Edited November 16, 2011 by shocked_confused
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