Cupiddd86 Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Hi everyone! I'll start off by thanking you for taking the time to read my story; i'll start of by a small recap. The story so far; I met a girl over a year ago through an online game and we hit it off instantly. She seemed like my soulmate, everything felt so perfect. After months and months of talking, skyping and such we finally decided a meet. I went off to visit her (We both live in european countries) The whole week was great, we hit it off insanely and besides the first night didn't separate for a second. 2 weeks after the irl meet things started getting weird. After a bit of me insisting on knowing what's up she broke up with me. Claiming it was the distance and she couldn't see me when she wanted to. I decided to still talk to her but after a bit I felt like going No Contact; since I didn't want her as my friend.. I wanted her as my girlfriend. 2 weeks passed and she kept talking to me and calling me until finally I replied. She regretted her decision and wanted me to take her back, which I did immediately. After a bit I noticed things were different.. I was different. The trust I had in her was gone. Eventually things went sour; I had trust issues and we fell apart. This however wasn't the end of it; we kind of stayed in contact and at some point we talked and wondered where this was heading. There was still a lot of chemistry and she still had feelings for me as well, we decided to give it a try but after a couple of months she decided that she couldn't give this the time it needed. (busy life+ ldr = ?) We drifted apart for quite some; until a couple of months later we started having contact again after seeing eachother ingame. After a couple of weeks of this contact I realised that I couldn't do this; my feelings were too strong and I couldn't just be a friend. I called her one night and explained it to her. I told her that I couldn't be this friend to her and that I was going to try to move on by cutting her out of my life. This apparently shocked her and we talked for a good 3 hours. At the end of the talk which was very emotional for the both of us she asked me for some time to actually think about things. She told me in the talk that she was thinking of comming over to see me even though we weren't involved and that she couldn't just delete me etc. The following day (yes that fast) She started to call spam me on skype/phone etc telling me she wanted to give it another try. I told her that it's a big decision and I don't want her to make it half heartedly and rush things but she told me this is what she wanted. We've been together for almost 3 weeks now but it's a bit weird. We don't really talk that much due to her busy life. She doesn't feel comfortable talking English in public so I can't really call her on her cellphone. Besides that her working hours are terrible. She works in shifts either morning or evening. When she works in the morning, she's usually out during the evening. Though when she works evening I get to talk to her 1 hour before she goes to work. The first week of this was great (I was on holiday), I could call her every morning with Skype. But now I have to work and I can't call her anymore so it's limited to chatting. When we chat it feels like she is uninterested or busy. She does reply, but very late and short answers.. We used to talk for hours and I know this isn't possible anymore but it just feels like I got no priority at all. (I get answers but takes up to 30 minutes because she's cleaning her room for example) It feels weird; at some point I was the center of her universe and now it feels like everything is more important then me. (even cleaning rooms..) I'm not sure how to cope or what to do.. I feel that I could hurt things by rushing or being needy but at the same time it feels like this is going nowhere. I'm also not sure on what to expect; I've never gotten back together with an ex.. let alone an LDR one. What is normal? She isn't really showing affection, she hasn't said I love you or anything of the sorts. She's called me baby once or twice but thats about it.. I'm pretty insecure because of this. I don't really feel like i'm her boyfriend.. I'm not included that much in her life and I barely talk to her, doesn't really feel like she's making an effort to see me either. Yesterday we had a big talk on the whole thing, or rather I tried. I told her that it doesn't really feel like she's including me in her life and i'm not sure where we stand. She told me that we have different lifes and it's tricky to tune them up. After this she zoomed in on my insecurity since I asked her in what way I am her boyfriend if I don't really see her etc. She basically zoomed in on it and said I was trying to hard to make her say it. After that she told me I was scared of her reaction so in the end I ended up just saying it. That I was looking for confirmation that she loves me and I'm her boyfriend but didn't want to rush or push her. She was somehow happy to hear me say that. I don't really understand her reactions or what's going on sigh. I am probably to needy/clingy since i'm used to having much more of her time but well I really have no clue on how to proceed or how to start or work on a relationship in this situation.
creighton0123 Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 After reading this, I am going to suggest that this is a long distance relationship that is not going to work out for any number of reasons: 1. You never actually discussed why the two of you want not only a relationship, but a long distance one. 2. You two are unable to agree on the level and amount of communication and aren't able to keep up a schedule of communication that involves mutual sacrifice. The times you do talk seem to be very unplanned and quite haphazard. 3. You continue this back and forth breaking up (or threatening to break up) every time there is a problem in the relationship. Unless the two of you get some face-to-face time to hash these things out, a long distance relationship is going to be very, very difficult.
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