DizzyDevil Posted May 24, 2004 Posted May 24, 2004 I have been married for four months now and my wife told me a few days ago that she wanted to seperate. Now that I look back everything is so clear, I know exactly why she feels the way she does now and exactly what I have not done in the past to correct this. Its the same thing that is so common in marriages, I wasn't metting her emmotional needs wihich in turn made her feel unimportant, unloved and not my top priority. In my mind she was all of these things, however I wasn't showing it with my actions. Staying up late and not making time to email her, not spending quality time with her, making mean comments, not truly listening to her when she would talk to me about the way she was feeling. In my mind I really thought she was depressed and saw only the negative things about me, thats why she was unhappy. Friends would say she was depressed and I was convinced that she was depressed due to her low self esteem. So when she talked about not feeling loved I just thought "Its her depression, there is nothing I can do to make this better." However in reality if there was any depression it was due to me not making her feel like number 1 in my life. We have had many discussions in our marriage about things I was doing ! that made her unhappy and I always said I would work on them, but I never had a real understanding of why these things made her unhappy. So in turn I went back to my old ways and I made her feel more and more unloved every day that went by. Now I have a deep understanding of what I was doing and I know exactly why she felt the way she felt. My only problem now is that I am afraid she isnt going to give me another chance to prove this to her. She is going to find another apartment and isnt talking to me very much. I know that I am pushing her away futher because I am becoming more and more of a emotional basketcase and emailing her very frequently. I just feel like if we go very ong without talking that she will like being single more than being married and choose that route. If she doesnt talk to me then she doesnt have to think about me, which I think will allow her to grow apart from me more easily. She says that she still loves me but not like a husband, more like a friend and that she doesnt want to go back to the way they used to be, she said she cant take anymore emotionally. Over the last few days she has been ignoring some of my emails which only makes things worse for me. That makes me wonder 1 million things, what is she thinking, why is she not calling, why, why, why will she not call me. The way I look at it is we are married and when you are married you stayed married unless there is some kind of abuse and you are in harm. If you have the option of spliting up and leaving then there are times in your marriage when you will pick that route because it is "easier" than staying and toughing everything out. If every married couple got seperated or divorced when they didnt think they wanted to be married anymore or doubted their love for their spouce then I dont know of any marriages that would make it. I have two goals right now. The ultimate goal is to get my wife back so I can show her that she is the most important thing in the world to me. I need to be able to deal with her leaving and live a somewhat normal life until she gets back, if she does. I dont kow how to do this. She is always on my mind, rethinking conversations, thinking about future conversations, thinking how to get her back, what can I do, wondering what she is thinking, ect.,ect. I cant concentrate at work, I cant sleep because my mind wont slow down, I cant eat because of always having a feeling like I am going to be sick... I just dont konw how to handle this. Maybe someone out thee has been in my same situation and can give me some ideas? The fear of her not giving me another chance is the main thing that is driving me crazy... Any advice would help me... Thank you.
ready2moveon26 Posted May 26, 2004 Posted May 26, 2004 It sounds like you know what you are going to do. I wish you luck in your time of need. The two of you got married for a reason and if you prove to her that you do love her, things should work out. GOOD LUCK!
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