could most breakups be solved?

[chados]

i'm not gonna lie, i'm a little desperate right now, NC for 3weeks with her contacting me 2 times. i've read that the most breakups can be solved, could this be true? if you play your cards right?. of course there are some cases were there's no hope what so ever. but the majority ? do people for the most time have strong feelings for their exes?

Edited November 16, 2011 by chados

[chados]

Most? absolutely not. Otherwise we'd all still be dating our high school sweetheart.

 

We go through life learning. Each relationship is part of that learning process.

 

Some relationships are worth salvaging and some aren't. It doesn't mean they are bad relationships but rather that they have run their course.

 

From the few words you have written you are more desperate to ease your pain than to find a healthy relationship. You feel crappy and like a drug addict wanting to pop a pill to be able step back into the comfort zone. Ask yourself... if you got a date with another babe tomorrow, would that ease the suffering? Probably. It's ok to get back together with your girlfriend but the odds are you will go throught the same experience down the road.

 

 

i definitely see you point, but i mean if you play your cards right and they still got feelings for you?, if there's small problems in your relationship. i feel that woman change their minds very often without any logical explanation. i've never had problems to get dates, don't ask me why. actually as soon as i got single 2 girls started to contact me. although i knew them and couldn't even think about dating them. dates normally make you feel better, but not this time, there's just something with this person, i've been rejecting 3 girls in 3 weeks just because right now i don't feel like loving another person

[mike588]

i'm not gonna lie, i'm a little desperate right now, NC for 3weeks with her contacting me 2 times. i've read that the most breakups can be solved, could this be true? if you play your cards right?. of course there are some cases were there's no hope what so ever. but the majority ? do people for the most time have strong feelings for their exes?

 

You ask: do people for the most time have strong feelings for their ex.?

 

In my case Yes, after dating my now ex. g/f for almost a year she dumped me for her ex.

[chados]

It's worth trying.

 

However, women don't change their minds for no reason.

 

My advice. Ask her what the reason is and DON'T dismiss it. No 'but..blah, blah'. Just listen...period. Say nothing as to why she is wrong or how you see things differently etc. Just listen and acknowledge her feelings. Every time you want to say something...shut up.

 

The best thing to finally say is "I understand why you feel this way" and if you were REALLY listening, then you are sincere in that statement.

 

 

do you think its vice to use NC for 1 month to start with?, give her a change to miss me?

[chados]

You ask: do people for the most time have strong feelings for their ex.?

 

In my case Yes, after dating my now ex. g/f for almost a year she dumped me for her ex.

 

 

im sad to hear that, most be really hard when you know a ex is on her mind. what about you then? have you had any feelings for your partners after a breakup? even if it was you who dumped them?

[mike588]

im sad to hear that, most be really hard when you know a ex is on her mind. what about you then? have you had any feelings for your partners after a breakup? even if it was you who dumped them?

 

Yea it's been tough!! I've only broken up with one girl and had feelings for her but not enough to want to get back together.

[chados]

The sooner the better. If the is girl is the center of your universe then swallow all your pride, push away all the clutter, all the anxiety and call her and tell her that you love her. And listen (really listen) to what she says. Even if she rejects you, act 100% classy...stay calm and tell her that you respect her feelings and that you love her regardless. She might reject you only because that's what she's built up in her mind to do if you call. After she gets it off her chest and, if you react in a respectful way, then perhaps she'll have second thoughts later.

 

Bottom line...the better you behave, the better your chances.

 

you know what? this make so much sense that i cant describe it, the most classy way you could do it of course. but as far as my experience goes, it feels like it could push you further away to. i also feel that NC could push you away if she already knows she made a mistake and are to proud or whatever to tell you she loves you. so which way to choose?

 

 

thanks so much for taking your time to write back. since my head is spinning like never before.

[Berlington Bob]

Well either way NC is a must. It depends a great deal on the cause of the breakup. If it was G.I.G.S. then you're screwed like me (and a lot of us) at least for the next 6 months to 2 years. I would tell you to think it through as to if you really thing its a good idea or not but I know that wont happen because most of us cant really think straight right now and thats why were on here.

 

If you do decide after talking to people on here and actually being fair to yourself by taking people's advice then there is really no bad logical reason to not do a month of NC... It will help both of you forget about the bad things and lose a lot of negative emotion. It will also let her miss you and let her feel like you don't need her (yes, thats a good thing). If she thinks you can't live without her her subconcious will force her to think less of you and then it will convince her that she can do better.

 

Good luck and make sure you do what's really best for you in the long run or you'll just be on here in another few months going through it all again.

[monkey00]

I think I still have some emotional attachment to my ex and we broke up 3x. I would be lying if I didn't. But I think in some cases if you play the cards right you can salvage a breakup.

 

What I find also works if you are easily able to move on without being affected too much by the break-up, it does have the tendency to work in your favor. I find the more convincing you try to do to fix it during the breakup makes it worse. Accepting it and letting go makes you more desirable and the idea of losing you to someone else is not a good one if your ex still has feelings for you.

[chados]

I think I still have some emotional attachment to my ex and we broke up 3x. I would be lying if I didn't. But I think in some cases if you play the cards right you can salvage a breakup.

 

What I find also works if you are easily able to move on without being affected too much by the break-up, it does have the tendency to work in your favor. I find the more convincing you try to do to fix it during the breakup makes it worse. Accepting it and letting go makes you more desirable and the idea of losing you to someone else is not a good one if your ex still has feelings for you.

 

yes i mean, you don't wanna overdo something, change yourself completely. but i little bit different might be good. i had big problems when i realized she's going to break up with me next time i see her. but after that it felt like a release. and now i miss her. but im not crushed

[chados]

Well either way NC is a must. It depends a great deal on the cause of the breakup. If it was G.I.G.S. then you're screwed like me (and a lot of us) at least for the next 6 months to 2 years. I would tell you to think it through as to if you really thing its a good idea or not but I know that wont happen because most of us cant really think straight right now and thats why were on here.

 

If you do decide after talking to people on here and actually being fair to yourself by taking people's advice then there is really no bad logical reason to not do a month of NC... It will help both of you forget about the bad things and lose a lot of negative emotion. It will also let her miss you and let her feel like you don't need her (yes, thats a good thing). If she thinks you can't live without her her subconcious will force her to think less of you and then it will convince her that she can do better.

 

Good luck and make sure you do what's really best for you in the long run or you'll just be on here in another few months going through it all again.

 

 

could you tell me what this G.I.G.S is? . just looked it up, "grass is greener syndrome"?, i know what that means, but i dont know what that means in a situation like this:)

Edited November 16, 2011 by chados

[nu464]

Me and my now ex boyfriend broke up like a week ago, and as much as I try I can't get my mind off of him. We've been dating for 2 months now about to be three, and the day before he was all fine with everything and the next day people begin telling me he's gonna break up with me. Honestly, I nearly got pissed on everyone who said it, cause i thought it was a lie, when it really was the truth. I asked him about it via text and he acted like it was a big lie. So after I heard the 3rd allegation I asked him again, the first text was the big "I don't know what your saying." text. The second sadly, ended up being, "Its true, it's over." Leaving me with what just happened in my mind. I asked him why and he said its because we don't talk and have nothing in common. To tell the truth thats a hell load of bulls***. He never put forth effort to talk to me, or text me. I have to do it. Most of all, if we don't talk, how do I know so much about you? He asked me a couple hrs before the breakup session, what do you know about me. I responded with four pages of text. He only typed one, and I tell him everything. this could have easily been solved. I wanted to break up with him as well a month ago, but I tried to work with it cause I cared. He lost $5 and I gave him some money so he could get something to eat. When he was upset, I comforted him. Maybe I was being to nice for my own good. But I still can't let go of him. Every time I see him it's like nothing happen (which I shall not alleviate onto, and no we didn't have sex, Im 15.) and it just hurts like hell. I'm just like, "Now what?"

[chados]

Me and my now ex boyfriend broke up like a week ago, and as much as I try I can't get my mind off of him. We've been dating for 2 months now about to be three, and the day before he was all fine with everything and the next day people begin telling me he's gonna break up with me. Honestly, I nearly got pissed on everyone who said it, cause i thought it was a lie, when it really was the truth. I asked him about it via text and he acted like it was a big lie. So after I heard the 3rd allegation I asked him again, the first text was the big "I don't know what your saying." text. The second sadly, ended up being, "Its true, it's over." Leaving me with what just happened in my mind. I asked him why and he said its because we don't talk and have nothing in common. To tell the truth thats a hell load of bulls***. He never put forth effort to talk to me, or text me. I have to do it. Most of all, if we don't talk, how do I know so much about you? He asked me a couple hrs before the breakup session, what do you know about me. I responded with four pages of text. He only typed one, and I tell him everything. this could have easily been solved. I wanted to break up with him as well a month ago, but I tried to work with it cause I cared. He lost $5 and I gave him some money so he could get something to eat. When he was upset, I comforted him. Maybe I was being to nice for my own good. But I still can't let go of him. Every time I see him it's like nothing happen (which I shall not alleviate onto, and no we didn't have sex, Im 15.) and it just hurts like hell. I'm just like, "Now what?"

 

 

hey just like you said, youre 15. i dont know his age but i guess he's around that age to. people shouldn't tell you that your boyfriend are going to break up with you. thats his problem. it's cruel that they even tell you that. if they're your friend and he told them, i can see why they tell you, but not some randomguys that heard the rumours.

 

there's two people in a relationship, he took you for granted or he didn't love you. i can tell you that when your 15 years old you do have feelings, i know that. but you are still kids, you just dont realize what it takes to maintain a relationship like adults do. with that being said, kids are cruel, if they feel they have the upper hand, they often dont care if they hurt you.

 

but if you got the upper hand, make him feel like you dont need him but you want him, he will probably crawl back to you, and when that happens, i insist you dont take him back. but of course im not expecting you to take my advice. tell him that your okey with the breakup, send him a text. " im glad you brought this up, i can see that the breakup was best for us both" and then igore him 100% and of course talk with other guys, im not saying that you should walk around and kiss all guys. just talk to them.

 

dont take this personal with me talking about your young age. i've been there myself, and i can tell you this. people want what they cant have, especially in that age.