Elisa89 Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 I've been seeing this guy for about 7 weeks. We're both in university, I'm 22, he's 25. Everything went really great. The first couple of weeks were wonderful, we were meeting up a lot, kept texting/talking in between dates and it all was very natural. The contacting was from both sides, initiated equally. I had told him at the very beginning that if he wanted a girl who put out by teh third date, he should probably find someone else. He said I could take anytime I needed and that he didn't want anything I didn't feel comfortable with. So far everything was great. Then about two weeks ago, I felt like taking that step. But the experience was horrible. I'm sorry to be so visual, but he somehow injured a mucous membrane with his fingernail, needless to say that th amount of blood was incredible. We even considered going to ER, in the end I saw a doctor the next day, got medication to prevent any infection and was told to not have intercourse for two weeks. He had been very supportive throughout this and assured my that even though it wasn't perfect this didn't make things between us to complicated for him. I still feel like it has takes a toll on the relationship. The amount of communication has lowered significantly, his response time when I text him has increased a lot and he doesn't really seem to make an effort to see me anymore. We actually saw each other only once after that incident, which happened 11 days ago. I have to say though that he has been out of town 6 of those. When I saw him he was still as affectionate as he used to be, but still something feels off. And I don't feel quite happy, I start to question if I really want this and even more so I wonder if he really wants this. I'm sorry this has become so long, but actually I'm just wondering if I should tell him how I feel. Or should I just break things off? Or just keep going and try to create some new positive energy??
norajane Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 (edited) You had an awkward, and possibly scary, sexual experience. Give yourselves time to kind of recover your equilibrium before writing it off. That's actually one of the main reasons for waiting for sex, in my opinion. Sex is often done casually, but it's actually a bigger deal than most make of it to get that intimate. If you don't know each other well enough to have built up a comfortable intimacy with each other first, it magnifies anything that doesn't go well. I dated a guy for a short time who freaked the hell OUT when he saw blood on his (condomed) penis...my period started early during sex. He totally lost his erection and was just a grump after that. He must have thought my vagina had attacked his penis, lol. If you feel the need to talk about it, do it in a lighthearted way. Give him a cheerful progress report..."my vajajay is just about healed and looking forward to a some attention!" Give it a chance to get back to a comfortable place with him. One day, you will laugh about this. Maybe sooner rather than later, if you can get over yourselves and your embarrassment. Edited November 16, 2011 by norajane
Elysian Powder Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 The ''relationship'' is already over. He's not interested in dealing with your problems. He's probably getting sex from another woman and he'll quickly vanish from your life if you continue in your path of not wanting to have sex with him. 1)Find a psychologist to cure yourself from your sexual trauma. 2)don't date until you're willing to put out. 3)Come to the understanding that most men want sex and especially so when we're in our 20's.
norajane Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 The ''relationship'' is already over. He's not interested in dealing with your problems. He's probably getting sex from another woman and he'll quickly vanish from your life if you continue in your path of not wanting to have sex with him. 1)Find a psychologist to cure yourself from your sexual trauma. 2)don't date until you're willing to put out. 3)Come to the understanding that most men want sex and especially so when we're in our 20's. Did you even read her post?
Asante Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Hi, It sounds like you had a very uncomfortable experience (and a strange and harsh feedback to your heartfelt post... those who are kind to themselves can be kind to you). Even the best sexual experiences can hold a little embarassment and lots of vulnerability. If I were in your position and I wanted to continue to get to know him, I would take extra care of myself, get clear on exactly how I feel, and talk with my friend as honetly and openly as I can. You may be surprised by the level of intimacy that can come from an open hearted conversation. Try not to use blaming phrases and instead use phrases that honestly and clearly express how you feel. Life and relationships are full of awkward moments and "off" times. The best people to share time with are those who can love and care for you through it all. This experience may be an opportunity to learn if he can be a person like this for you. Remember that you deserve the best kind of love and support! Wishing you all the best,
kvinna Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Wow. I'm just a lurker on these forums but I came out of hiding to ask: are we the same person?! LOL. The same exact thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I decided I was finally ready to have sex with a guy I'd been seeing, and it ended up a bloody mishap. Had to go for treatment and everything after being scratched up. Oops. Even though I'm not very experienced sexually, I wasn't traumatized by what happened. I'm eager to do it right next time around. But I don't know what to say about him, if he's past the point of no return. Hopefully he's more mature than that.
Ilovewater Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 (edited) He was told not to have intercourse for 2 weeks? For an infected finger? You weren't there in the room but I'd have liked to have heard that conversation. I've had cut, breaks, injuries, etc. throughout life and was put on anitbiotics and never told I couldn't have sex. Folks with an STD might be told this but with an infected finger? He made you bleed? Did his penis actually have a sharp point on it or something? Did it get caught in a pencil sharpener? I think the OP said that he cut her with his nail and made her bleed. That's why she's not allowed to have sex for 2 weeks. To the OP, I think you dodged a bullet here with this guy. If he's too bothered to stay with you through a small incidence like this, he'd be too unstable to be in an actual healthy, mature relationship. What happened shouldn't drive away men who are genuinely interested in you. Edited November 16, 2011 by Ilovewater
dasein Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Sorry you had that kind of experience. There's no way to tell from here what has caused him to cool off, it could be the accident or something else. You should just ask him directly or break things off if you feel he is drifting away and knowing the reason isn't important.
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