purplesunset78 Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Hi, I have been dating this guy for a little over 2 months. He came on very strong right from the beginning. Within 2 weeks he was telling me I was the love of his life and that he wanted to marry me asap. He also asked me to allow him to move in with me. I have not allowed that and we are not married. He keeps telling me that I seem to be scared of him and doesn't want a relationship with him. Well as things have been going along I have noticed how he tries to "tell" me what to do instead of asking me nicely. He doesn't say it in an angry tone, but it irks me that he doesn't have the manners to ask instead of telling and I mentioned it to him. He brushes it off as if it is no big deal. We are friends on Facebook and he seems to know exactly how much I post and when. It's like he sits and watches for me to post and then throws it in my face. He will say that I have a romantic relationship with Facebook and spend more time there than talking to him. For the record, that is not true. I spend a couple minutes a day there and that's it. He is also instantly suspicious of any guy that happens to post on my page or like one of my statuses. If I don't answer a call or text in a time frame that is suitable for him he gets angry. I have told him that I don't carry my cell phone around 24/7. I don't have it attached to my hip all the time. He calls often during the day and if I don't answer he will detach from me and exact revenge by not answering when I do happen to call him back. He wants to know where I am right down to the detail at all times. I am constantly being accused of cheating and having another boyfriend and I feel as if I am on trial all the time. I feel like I have to keep defending myself and I am sick of it. I am emotionally drained and tired of the drama and pain. What do you make of this?
eweezzee Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Hi, I have been dating this guy for a little over 2 months. He came on very strong right from the beginning. Within 2 weeks he was telling me I was the love of his life and that he wanted to marry me asap. He also asked me to allow him to move in with me. I have not allowed that and we are not married. He keeps telling me that I seem to be scared of him and doesn't want a relationship with him. Well as things have been going along I have noticed how he tries to "tell" me what to do instead of asking me nicely. He doesn't say it in an angry tone, but it irks me that he doesn't have the manners to ask instead of telling and I mentioned it to him. He brushes it off as if it is no big deal. We are friends on Facebook and he seems to know exactly how much I post and when. It's like he sits and watches for me to post and then throws it in my face. He will say that I have a romantic relationship with Facebook and spend more time there than talking to him. For the record, that is not true. I spend a couple minutes a day there and that's it. He is also instantly suspicious of any guy that happens to post on my page or like one of my statuses. If I don't answer a call or text in a time frame that is suitable for him he gets angry. I have told him that I don't carry my cell phone around 24/7. I don't have it attached to my hip all the time. He calls often during the day and if I don't answer he will detach from me and exact revenge by not answering when I do happen to call him back. He wants to know where I am right down to the detail at all times. I am constantly being accused of cheating and having another boyfriend and I feel as if I am on trial all the time. I feel like I have to keep defending myself and I am sick of it. I am emotionally drained and tired of the drama and pain. What do you make of this? In most cases there is no trust becuase the guy is cheating but since you said how he was from the begining hes literally psycho and its only going to get worse, id get out of the relationship fast becuase your going to get turned off quick. Its better to do it now and get it over with bc there is a 0 percent chance of it getting better its just how he is.
forms Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 This is typical abusive, control freak behavior. Please read up on it. He's someone who's so insecure that he feels he has to capture you and pin you in place (with instant marriage) and then watch you carefully so you don't get away. You've become the focus of his life, he's spying on you and deeply scared you'll get away. Please read up on abusive controlling men. Your gut is telling you to leave. Read, "Why Does He Do That" and "The Gift of Fear". You may even now, only two months into this relationship have trouble getting out of it. Please be careful and if you become afraid, don't rationalize it away.
ErgoStep Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 He sounds excessively clingy. The best thing for him is for you to dump him. Just make a clean break and get some space for yourself.
D-Lish Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 This guy sounds pretty overboard! The first couple weeks is just about getting to know one another, not be planning a wedding and a baby shower! I'd be leaving this relationship asap.
Piddlywinks Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 I absolutely think you should break off with this guy. It's never going to get better! As a guy, if a girl was like that with me I break it off immediately if a girl acted like this. I only think it's more creepy if a guy does it. If he doesn't trust you this early in your relationship, think of how terrible it will be down the line?
Author purplesunset78 Posted November 16, 2011 Author Posted November 16, 2011 This is typical abusive, control freak behavior. Please read up on it. He's someone who's so insecure that he feels he has to capture you and pin you in place (with instant marriage) and then watch you carefully so you don't get away. You've become the focus of his life, he's spying on you and deeply scared you'll get away. Please read up on abusive controlling men. Your gut is telling you to leave. Read, "Why Does He Do That" and "The Gift of Fear". You may even now, only two months into this relationship have trouble getting out of it. Please be careful and if you become afraid, don't rationalize it away. Last night I deactivated my facebook account. I will go back to Facebook and reactivate in about a month. The scary thing is that about a minute or two after I deactivated, I get a text message from him asking why I blocked him. He obviously was sitting on my profile or either logging in and out just to see if I was posting anything. I ended things last night too. I did not do it in person because of fear of how he would react. I sent him an email saying it is not going to work out and I do not want any further contact. I then blocked his number and email address. Just to be on the safe side I am going to change my number and that way he can't use someone else's phone to call me.
Emilia Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Last night I deactivated my facebook account. I will go back to Facebook and reactivate in about a month. The scary thing is that about a minute or two after I deactivated, I get a text message from him asking why I blocked him. He obviously was sitting on my profile or either logging in and out just to see if I was posting anything. I ended things last night too. I did not do it in person because of fear of how he would react. I sent him an email saying it is not going to work out and I do not want any further contact. I then blocked his number and email address. Just to be on the safe side I am going to change my number and that way he can't use someone else's phone to call me. Just out of interest: where is he from?
Author purplesunset78 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Just out of interest: where is he from? Georgia. I am being told by mutual friends that he is on Facebook taking out his anger about me. But I don't care. I have told them to not speak to me about him or what he does or says because I don't care.
freestyle Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I think you dodged a bullet, OP. Some of the other posters mentioned it, too--someone talking marriage in the first few months of a romantic relationship IS a big red flag....... It's a classic tactic of abusive partners to "hook" you in, before you see their true colors..... Anyone worth your while isn't going to instantly pressure you.
Author purplesunset78 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Now he is contacting my cousin on Facebook wanting her to relay messages that he loves me and will do anything to make this right. I have him blocked so his next point of contact is my cousin. I told her to block him and do not respond to his messages. First he hates me and now he loves me. Hopefully he will go away soon and get the message that I am not ever coming back.
fallenenvy Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!! You saw there was something wrong.. you thought about it.. and you cut him off. It's controlling abusive behavior and as i know all too well it only gets worse and never better. He should eventually give it up though it may take some time. Just keep up not dealing with him.. and changing your number is a GREAT idea. Proud of you!
Author purplesunset78 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Oh my goodness. I am getting word that he is talking about committing suicide. I feel this is a tactic to try and lure me back in. I am not going to fall for it. He is way too vain and into himself to do such a thing.
freestyle Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Oh my goodness. I am getting word that he is talking about committing suicide. I feel this is a tactic to try and lure me back in. I am not going to fall for it. He is way too vain and into himself to do such a thing. It can be a manipulation tactic.And an exceedingly cruel one, at that. If he does get through to you, and tries to lay that in your lap, tell him you're going to call 911, and send them over to his home. If he's bluffing--he's going to be embarassed. If he's NOT---well, then he's going to get the help he needs. Either way, it's not your problem. You don't owe him anything.
Author purplesunset78 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Since ending things, I have this overwhelming wave of relief. I am not anxious and nervous anymore. I feel at ease and like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I don't have any regrets about dumping him. I sleep well at night and wake up not even worrying what he will think or what he will do next.
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