theconz Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 I never, ever, mention sex when I start dating someone.Supposedly the first rule of dating for men. I have been finding lately that many, if not most of the women I date bring up sex in one way or another on the first date. They are usually very subtle about it. For instance one woman started talking about how her ex "went impotent on her" and the resultant frustration. Another was telling me she how she did massages. She would "lay me down on a table, light candles, oh sounds pretty good to you already I bet!". hahaha. One was just outright...well not sure. "Do you want to know why I broke up with my last boyfriend? (before I could say no) Because he was too big..you know I'm not the Holland Tunnel!". My hand to god that is what she said. Btw she went off the list immediately. No, not penis envy. I have some class apparently this woman did not. My point is this seems to be a ongoing trend. If I guy were to do the same he'd have broken one of the golden no no's. Most of the ladies are highly educated, bright, very attractive woman who've I've met on Mitch.com Guys, anyone else get this? Ladies, whattup wit dis? Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Way out of line! Not classy. Maybe these women think this is a way to connect with you, or bait you with sex. Those women would probably think that's about all they have to offer. Next! Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Now, flirty is good. Sexy is good. A little SUBTLE sexuality is good, as long as it is playful and not over the line. I'd say those women went about 40 yards over the line. Link to post Share on other sites
cherrylips Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 lame..I had sex with my husband on the first date when you figure out there are no rules in dating, (especially prudish ones like not talking about sex on the first date) you save yourself and other unfortunate women a lot of headache. Link to post Share on other sites
ErgoStep Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Also. Most men are more aggressive sexually than you are. Talking about sex lightly in conversation would be casual flirting. Actually having sex on the first date releases sexual tension. It is often more fun to let it build and build, and when you finally have sex it is electric. Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Personally I don't think that's a big deal. Women enjoy sex too. The only thing to watch out for is that since women know men want sex, they might be doing that to dangle the carrot to lead you on for something. But when you first start dating anyone, you're supposed to keep your eyes wide open anyway. Smoke and mirrors, things are often not what they seem. I'd go with the flow but keep one foot out the door, sex talk or no. So for me, things like that would not bother me at all. Just another day in the dating scene. Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 I think the bigger problem is these women talking about their exes on the first date. That's a big no-no, for men and women. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I don't think it's classy to talk about sex on the first date. You have so many other things to talk about! The first few dates are about getting to know each other. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Personally I don't think that's a big deal. Women enjoy sex too. The only thing to watch out for is that since women know men want sex, they might be doing that to dangle the carrot to lead you on for something. But when you first start dating anyone, you're supposed to keep your eyes wide open anyway. Smoke and mirrors, things are often not what they seem. I'd go with the flow but keep one foot out the door, sex talk or no. So for me, things like that would not bother me at all. Just another day in the dating scene. My experience, women who talk about sex early on either jump my bones right after they start doing it or dangle the sex carrot. There is no in between. So basically, if she talking sex & then shuts me down I stop contacting her. She knows what she did & now she knows i'm not going to chase a dick tease so if she wants me, she will call me. Link to post Share on other sites
Carm Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 I'm a woman in my 40's and I have never hinted anything sexual in the first date or even the second one. That doesn't mean I'm a prude, I'm just trying to get to know the person. IMO, I just don't feel it's very classy. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Lots of women don't appreciate talking about sex on first dates AT ALL. So I fail to understand why OP is being called prudish, etc. OP, I have noticed this over the years also and find it kind of annoying if they do it in a hamhanded way in assuming I'm a guy so will pant like a dog at any mention of sex. If they do it in a clever way, though, more power to them and I will join in. If a woman ever started talking about some ex's penis size on a first date I'd end the date on the spot. That's a strong sign of emotional disturbance or even a personality disorder. Link to post Share on other sites
Dusk1983 Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Its not rocket science, girls have no social skills whatsoever in a date scenario so simply use the blunt instrument of sex to try and entice you. "Men like sex, I'll talk about sex." Its that simple. Lowest common denominator stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
cherrylips Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Many women also don't want to have sex on the first date or even 2nd date, lest she be thought of as 'slutty'. Frankly, i don't want her to keep thinking afterwards 'omg, what have i done ... he must think i'm a slut', i'd rather she walk away with a positive experience. So by that reasoning, would you be concerned of people thinking you were a big ol' man slut for having sex on the first date too? Or is that something only women should fear? Slut shaming at its finest! Link to post Share on other sites
cherrylips Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 A slut is a slut, except when it isn't a slut. It's a label implying that those who have casual sex are doing something wrong or shameful. If a man or woman want to sleep around with multiple people, I don't believe its wrong. I guess in the same vein if you want to believe that your sparing some girl's poor virtue by not sleeping with her and giving her a bad rep, all the power to you. Obviously if she tells you that's what she is thinking, it would make more sense. It just came across to me like you expected women to be ashamed for wanting sex outside of a committed relationship. I agree, you can catch all sort of scary things if you aren't careful, and condoms aren't full proof. I think even people in committed relationships should consider getting tested for std's maybe once a year or half year. You can't trust what people tell you at face value when it comes to your health. That's the risk you take when you sleep with anyone. I do respect that you don't push women before their ready, that's admirable. I'm all for courtship, and the buildup to sex,etc. I also think that relationships don't always start in such a cookie cutter fashion, and if you wind up ****ing earlier than anticipated, then why make an issue? If you still like each other then stick around and get to know one another.Its not such a difficult thing to do. Unless you have hang ups about it. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 I think the bigger problem is these women talking about their exes on the first date. That's a big no-no, for men and women. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I don't think it's classy to talk about sex on the first date. You have so many other things to talk about! The first few dates are about getting to know each other. sadly, a lot of people don't have many other things to talk about... Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Why do women have to be "classy"? That by itself is SEXIST; like women can't talk about sex or have sex on the first date. As a woman, I find that very patronizing. This applies to men as well as women. If a man started talking about sex on the first date, I would be turned off. For some people, classy is part of their personality, and I think that's a good thing. They're not trying to be classy, that's just who they are. It comes naturally to them. It's an equally attractive trait in men and women, in my opinion. Having sex on the first date and talking about sex does not make you unclassy. It makes you a strong woman who knows what she wants and doesn't give a rat's ass about what anyone thinks. What about a woman who doesn't want to have sex on the first date? Isn't she also a strong woman who knows what she wants? Believe it or not, some people actually WANT to wait for sex. They're not waiting because they're worried about what other people think or because they're trying to appear classy. They're waiting because they want to. Nothing wrong with that. And having sex on the first date doesn't automatically make you a strong person who knows what you want. People have first-date sex for all kinds of reasons. Some people do it because they're desperate for love and affection, some people do it because they're drunk, some people do it because they got caught up in the moment and regret it later. It's not always a sign of strength. Link to post Share on other sites
the wizard Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 They're probably not women you'd want to bring home to your family. It's not a gender thing, its a self respect issue. Anyone talking about sex on the first is out for one thing. And they're on a dating website, where hundreds of people flood their inbox. This leads you to ask a couple questions regarding where they've been and what they could possibly be carrying knowing and/or unknowingly. I got burned once from a woman just like the OP described. We had sex on the first date, despite my using protection, three weeks later I was disgnosed with Chlamydia. When I told her she said she's clean but I knew she only feigned ignorance because she probably has been with so many guys. Women who put out easily are, well, easy. I guess I was easy to, but I learned my lesson. So no OP, you're not less of a person for being turned off. Don't let people ob here shame you. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Sorry but there is not some great big Magical Book Up In the Sky where someone is keeping track of all times when you don't get laid, when you could or should have, you don't get any brownie points from God for denying yourself pussy. "No one ever reaches the end and says I wish I hadn’t f'ed so much" - chick from Drive Angry. Link to post Share on other sites
the wizard Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 lame..I had sex with my husband on the first date when you figure out there are no rules in dating, (especially prudish ones like not talking about sex on the first date) you save yourself and other unfortunate women a lot of headache. He married you? Lol. Link to post Share on other sites
the wizard Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 1. Its just as nasty for a man to do it 2. When telling a man "Men do it to" you have to realize, a man isn't going to care if other men are out there screwing pigs, it doesn't concern him because he's tuned into what women are doing, what women want, etc. A sensible guy is going to take that "Men do it to" argument and laugh at it then think you a bitter irresponsible woman who's probably just as slutty as the filthy men she brings up, and well, a child mentally speaking. Not caring about something doesn't mean you think its ok. It means you're focused on what's more important to you. Just have some class and self respect and stop trying to justify your loose and unhygenic ways by acknowledging that other people do it to. Yes there is something wrong with a woman who's been penetrated by several men and gave them oral sex, etc. Its gross. Link to post Share on other sites
cherrylips Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 He married you? Lol. Eat me you jackass troll Link to post Share on other sites
cherrylips Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Quote The Wizard: 1. Its just as nasty for a man to do it No, it really isn't as nasty as when men do it! And they do it just as much as women do. and the difference is is that men generally aren't held to the same degree when they do it. Its a double stardard 2: 2. When telling a man "Men do it to" you have to realize, a man isn't going to care if other men are out there screwing pigs, it doesn't concern him because he's tuned into what women are doing, what women want, etc. A sensible guy is going to take that "Men do it to" argument and laugh at it then think you a bitter irresponsible woman who's probably just as slutty as the filthy men she brings up, and well, a child mentally speaking. This: "Yes there is something wrong with a woman who's been penetrated by several men and gave them oral sex, etc. Its gross." Do you really think that MOST men are going to be grossed out by a woman who has had sex, by penetration or orally? Or are they going to accept than most adult women in the developed world are sexually active before they go into marriage.And vice versa. My husband has had multiple partners before me, do you think i should feel sorry for marrying him too? And calling all these loose people pigs and filty and slutty YOU must have some extremely conservative views on human sexually if you find people having more than one sexual partner in their life as wrong. -Oh and my loose and unhygenic ways???? you might as well bury me in the ground and stone me now!! I think your problem is you just find sex dirty and shameful, and I find that really sad. Link to post Share on other sites
CambridgeGirl Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Hilarious. Sweet lord people seem uptight, is all of America this insane? Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Hilarious. Sweet lord people seem uptight, is all of America this insane? Yes we are, whatever economic advantage we have been able to achieve was not worth the price. Link to post Share on other sites
cherrylips Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Mircea: On your points: You drifted from my point, it's the women that call other women sluts for the most of it I think both genders are quick to call someone out for slut like behaviour. Its a power thing. I think culturally (I'm using the term mostly to mean westernized culture) we as a society want to maintain control of others by keeping tabs on what they do with their bodies. When we out someone for acting in a provocative way, we do it to exclude them, take away their power over themselves. Its body politics. What virtue ?; you mean the hymen regenerates itself naturally if you don't have sex on the first date ? Why didn't anybody tell me this ??? She doesn't need to tell me anything, it will be obvious in the way she acts, in what she wears and how receptive she is to advances. It came to you wrong, i'm more concerned about my own safety here. I don't want to be involved with someone who had sex with the entire town. I think I meant her reputation, not her hymen I heard you can have surgery to re-virginize yourself nowadays! I'm not a fan of scarlet lettering people. I do see your point as to why you wouldn't want a person who has been with multiple people. Its a safety issue (in part).What happens to the poor person who gets a rumour spread about them that they slept with so and so, but its completely fabricated? Do you cross them off your list of potential mates? You would have to right? I'm going to pause because I've entirely derailed this thread. I want to go back to the OP's point (though I'm sure I scared him away, being all loose and dirty and all). I don't think talking about sex on the first date is a bad thing. It doesn't have to be a thing at all. Just because your date broaches the subject doesn't mean you have to jump each other right there and then. I do think that you will find that its more common for people to have an easy going attitude about sex, then say maybe 20-30 years ago. If you're uncomfortable with sex talk that early on, tell your date. Tell them why. It might leave the guesswork out of why what may have been a good date for them didn't lead to a second one. Oh and this: Then we have a first date out, i don't bring up sex but i do have a sexual attitude; it's more about making her feel comfortable with me in her personal space and putting my hands on her. I think part of the women the OP dated,may be trying to be sexy, and umm, failing?They may think they're showing a sexy attitude, but it crossed the OP's boundaries. I think he should have explained WHY he was uncomfortable, so she knows what his boundaries are, what his expectations are. Mircena, you have set expectations of how to you, a good dating timeline should go. If something you date does throws it off course, wouldn't you want her to know that its not going right? No matter if it works between us or not, i don't want her to have bad feelings when she thinks of me in the future I think you can try your best, to be the most respectful person you can be. That's about it. I would hope that your past dates would leave with a positive experience.When you put that effort in to make people comfortable, it shows. Link to post Share on other sites
cherrylips Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 (edited) ....and I'm sorry for calling the OP lame. I think that was too harsh. Oh and to The Wiz:, sorry about the clap Edited November 17, 2011 by cherrylips Link to post Share on other sites
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