Need honest advice.

[HellyaImhopeless]

This is so long and complicated I could write a book about it, but will obviously try and make it short here, and hopefully get some feedback and advices back from you. This is my #1 post, be kind.

 

I'm 27, and only been in 1 relationship in my life. We were each other's first. In April, my 7 year bf/gf relationship ended. The last 3 years or so of that was spent just getting on each others nerves, and arguing, so not a very healthy situation. I think we both wanted to end up for quite some time, but neither of us were willing to bite the apple and actually DO IT.

 

In the end of April, another guy came into my life (my neighbour), and he told me the reason he decided to contact me now was because he had something to tell me. He had been secretively fancying me for 2 years, and could sense me and by ex was not getting along great.

 

I saw this as an escape route out of my relationship (mistake)?. I was completely in shock, because I had also fancied him for 2 years, ever since I moved into his neighbour house - I just couldn't believe it! Too good to be true, eh?

 

Lets skip from April till now-November. He has not taken me out on any proper dates, apart from driving to few places in the start.. at night..he does not spend any time with me outside of my house. Ok, he works 80hrs shifts a week, and then goes to work on his motocross bike, but still! We're both usually off on a sunday, and he has yet to do ANYTHING with me.

 

What I actually want advice on is if I should TRY and forget about this guy or wait it out? I am in love with him totally, more than I ever was with my ex thru the 7 years. We have had sex 1-2 times a week since April, but it seems to be..just...that... I asked him last week about 'us', and he says: He's not looking for a relationship, he wants to have fun times with me.

 

We never agreed on a FWB-**** buddy relationship, and I would never have agreed either, because I have strong feelings for him, even years before I slept with him, and the first time we slept together I guess was in a heated moment of lust I guess, and after that it's sort of been twice a week.

 

I am very hurt now, because I feel strongly that he has played roulette with my feelings, leading me on from the start by sweet-talking me, telling me he has feelings for me and that he can see this 'going somewhere'. Oh, he might as well a twisted a knife in my heart! He even said maybe we should stop this unless I stop asking him about 'us'.

 

Someone explain WHY he led me on like this? His family have even told me this guy really likes me, and his older uncle aged nearly 50 even told me: He cant stop talking about me, he thinks his nephew is in love with me, but that I should give him time because he was burned badly by his ex running off with his best. I am so confused, I cant figure this guy out.

 

In July he said he wouldn't be hanging out with me if he didn't have feelings for me, but last week when I asked him about feelings, he wrote: I like you - end of.

 

 

We are exclusive. Neither of us date, or spend any time with the oppsite sex. We never fail to go a single day without contact, and he's always interested in knowing my whereabouts. I wrote him a text asking him if he rings me because he genuinly cares, or if its cause he wants to check up on me that I'm not with any guys, and he wrote back: Shut the **** up

 

 

I am starting to obsess, and analyse his EVERY move, because I dont really have any friends here. The only people I am around is the people I work with, and apart from that I live a very boring life. I am 750 miles away from my family and friends back home in another country, and I am very lonely. I am starting to really miss my ex and his family, whom became my family too, and I spent 7 years with them and did Christmas with them and all, and this year, I am going to be totally alone on Christmas.

 

I have been on medication for panic attacks, anxiety and depression before, but managed to get off them. I think I have to go back on them because I can't deal with life anymore. 2 weeks ago I also nearly died in a car collision. Life's been so hard on me!

 

Any tips?

Edited November 15, 2011 by HellyaImhopeless
forgot title

[HellyaImhopeless]

Did you cheat on your bf with him ?

 

Nvm, i saw the timeline.

Could be what his uncle is saying.

 

You have 3 options :

1 - go back to your family

2 - find yourself a guy

3 - go and talk to him about what you wrote here

 

If you choose 2, go and spend the holidays with your family, they miss you.

 

No no, never cheated

 

1 - The reason I dont go back to where I am from is because I am not in the stage yet where I am willing to let go of what could be?

 

2 - Not easy for me. Only been with 1 guy in my life

 

3 - He knows my true feelings for him, but as mentioned in the post above, it is complicated.

 

Thanks for your reply.

[HellyaImhopeless]

or just sit there ... and wait ... and whine.

 

lol, thanks To me, that's the same as telling someone with depression to just "snap" out of it. Trust me, I don't wish to sit in whine, it's very draining, but I'm feeling rather desperate and helpless, having only this forum for support. I'm hoping someone can give me advice on what this guy actually may be thinking.

 

Yes I did say about the family suggestion under answer #1.

[HellyaImhopeless]

Mircea, I appreciate what you're saying, about the depression, it must have been awful, and yes, I am depressed too, but that is not really part of my question in this thread.

 

I'm hoping that someone can give me advice on my actual question about this guy