Jlast42 Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Crossposted because I'm not sure where this belongs. I am wondering, is it possible to check on a status of a divorce that is filed but not final? I have been dating a man for over a year. He told his wife he wanted a divorce in April 2010, filed in June/July 2010, we started dating in early August 2010. His state has a one year waiting period of separation, but they were maintaining separate addresses and not being intimate for a year prior to their relationship officially ending. He has two kids. They live in a different state, having moved in 2009 with their mother for a good job opportunity. He stayed with his job. He visits them most weekends, when I don't ask him to stay. He is 45. I am 28 with two younger kids of my own (4 and 2). I am separated as well for the prior two years, with no plans to reconcile or to divorce until one of us needs to move forward. My ex and I feel it makes the most sense financially. We have all the details worked out and the lawyer anticipates that after filing it will take less than two months to finalize, when we do wish to do so. My boyfriend has no problem with that. My boyfriend has met my children, once it began getting serious. He has had the choice to meet my ex, but chosen not to, and heard me on the phone with my ex referring to him. (He dislikes my ex because of his cheating on me, and says that while he'll be friendly as the kids need it, he's in no rush to be social.) He has not given me reason to be suspicious. He answers the phone when I call wherever he is, However, my ex told the women he cheated on me with that he was separated as well, and they all believed him... until the one who finally contacted me and let everything in the open. My uncertainty stems more from that. I feel like I'd feel a lot better if I could talk to her, but he says she has no interest, and that he wants to still make decisions for the kids together, and she doesn't want them to meet anyone until the divorce is final. It's apparently taking so long because of significant assets and she is being very contentious about it. (She did not/does not want the divorce.) I have talked to him about my feelings, and he says he wishes I would trust him because he is not the one who has ever betrayed me, and that he needs to make the right decision for his kids, that he is trying to nail down his lawyer on when it will be final, and that he can't wait to marry me and start our own family. He says if after the divorce is final, she is still being difficult, he won't acquiesce but he wants to be reasonable in considering her feelings and also not create problems in the division of assets. He has given me access to the address where his family lives, his wife's name (including maiden), his wife's cell phone and email address, but I have the strong impression if I used them he would be very disappointed. I also don't want to start drama. If she knows about me, and doesn't want to hear from me, I want to respect that. There is no other way my boyfriend does not bend and go out of his way to make sure I have everything I want and feel secure. So I know you can look up divorce records. Can you look up when divorces are filed but not final? I don't like that I want to look, but I don't want to cause problems and I don't want to waste any more time, and more of my kids emotional investment, if he is a cheater. That's why I left my ex husband despite a two year old and one on the way. Maybe I should just put my faith in him. That's what I would have done, exact same situation and behaviors, before my ex. My ability to trust was really shaken because I never doubted my ex. We're better off apart, in truth, but it was an explosion when I found out. But if everything is the truth, I absolutely want to spend my life with this man. Thoughts? Any knowledge?
Steen719 Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 http://www.ehow.com/how_4507060_out-divorce-filed.html This might help.
Halio Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 I can't believe how desperate and naive the average woman is Still, when they should know better.
Author Jlast42 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 I can't believe how desperate and naive the average woman is Still, when they should know better. My, how helpful.
Halio Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Ok, i'll play along if this is a serious post...... Let me ask you this: Do you have any other way of confirming what he's told you other than him? It sounds like a has a relationship of convenience with you and he may not want to change that. He's older and stable, your younger maybe not so stable, a single mom, needing the security of the older guy, just coming out of a bad relationship. I said naive because your story sounds like that of many women who are willing to believe in any man who promises them love, romance and some financial security. I'm worried because unless you can confirm what he's told you then your just trusting his word. That's whats bothering you and it should. Your suspicious because something is telling you that you should be. If he's filed for divorce those records ARE PUBLIC. And you can go to that states government/courts website and see those records IF they were filed, it's that simple. HERE......http://www.allfreerecords.com/
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