He gave me an STD

[colleen26]

My story is that we are broken up but we were sleeping together still. I was really the persuer for that because he just did not call anymore but I was still calling him and it always ended with sex. He has been with another girl I caught him and he said he lied to me because he did not want to hurt me or lose me yet even though we aren't together. It hurt me that he was with her and he still said he did not know what he wanted, he said maybe I am not ready or I am a peice od Sh&T. He says he cares however he has never told me he loves me. He never calls me and never wants to hang out and this is hard because in my mind I am still with him but he is not operating that way. Then to top it off I got an STD from him after he slept with this girl and he said to me that he on quote "I will try to work on our realtionship whatever it may be" and "be more receptive of your feelings". So he spent the night with me the night we found out about the STD then the very next night which was actually last night he spent the night with her again, I drove by her home and he was there. I just don't know what to do?

 

Can you all give me some advice. He has not even called me today or anything and you know even if he did not sleep with her last night it is still wrong that he spent the night, that is not working on things.

 

Should I talk to him if he calls? Should I just ignore him? Please help me. It has been two weeks since I found out about her and we have been apart since April. I am tired of being sad, lonely, depressed and sleeping all the time. I can only think of him and I just wish he would show some sort of feelings.

 

What am I to do, please help and let me know your thoughts....

[befuddled11]

Not trying to judge you, but why would you continue to have sex with someone who you're no longer in a relationship with? You can't blame him for the fact that you contracted an STD.. (not saying you are, but just saying) because you can't expect a guy you're not in a relationship with to NOT be sleeping with others..and therefore, you were putting yourself at risk by sleeping with him.

 

May I ask, what kind of STD do you have? It was confirmed by a doctor? Just asking because maybe we can point you to supportive websites/forums that are geared to people with that particular STD (eg...herpes, genital warts, etc).

 

I hope you will learn from this...and that you'll be much more careful about who you sleep with, and you'll take more precautions (although condoms aren't 100% effective, they at least provide a good deal of protection). And I hope that you'll become a stronger person and have more respect for yourself than to continue sleeping with someone that you're not in a relationship. You obviously still have feelings for him, but do you really think that developing an STD is going to be a reasonable reason for your relationship to be worked out? There's a good chance he just said that because he feels a sense of guilt. He's obviously continuing to be with this other girl........so quit driving by her house and putting yourself through this misery. You need to cut ties with him and get some respect for yourself.

 

Whose idea was it to break up in the first place? And do you think that maybe you were continuing to sleep with him because you hoped you could win him back?

 

And how do you know for sure that he gave you this STD? Some of them, a person can "harbor" for many years....but then when the person is under a lot of stress, it can manifest itself.

 

Did he get tested for whatever STD this is? Do you think he's man enough, if he definitely gave it to you, to tell this new girl? Or do you think he's a pig who's spreading an STD but not telling women he sleeps with? if so, do you respect someone who would knowingly put people's (women's) health at risk like this?

 

If you're feeling depressed, you really should see your doctor and talk to him or her about that.........and you might want to consider getting some counselling to help you through this.

[Ebania]

As difficult as it might sound - you might have to take a break a break from everything else and focus on your health until you get that sorted. You mention that you have contracted an STD but didn't say what it was... not that you need to disclose that here, but some are permanent, and others only need one dose of antibiotics. Is he also receiving treatment? Some will go into denial about such things and not get treated - so be careful. He may also need time to process that information before making contact with anyone. Thinking can be a very solitary pursuit for a lot of men.... whereas us girls tend to use each other as sounding boards because that works well for us. While you are visiting a health professional about the STD, mention your depression to them and see if they can put you onto someone for that as well.

 

All the best!

 

Ebania

[colleen26]

I do know what I have and yes I am aware of what needs to be done. He did give me a permenant one and that is why I am so angry he could go spend the night with the very person that gave this to us. I just don't understand I mean that is low.

 

As far as my depression I know that I suffer from that and I am going to get back on my medication soon.

 

I can mange for now but I still do not know what I need to do about him and I? Should I be there or just move on? It seems to me that he is doing what he wants which suggets move on but then he said he would try but then...he spent the night with her?

[colleen26]

My STD has been confirmed by a doctor, we both have it well we have to because I have only been with him and both he and I were clean not even a year ago when we were both tested for everything. See I had an Uncle pass from AIDS so I take this very serious in which is why I continued sleeping with him because I trusted him and I knew he was clean. We had an agreement that we would be "benefit" friends per say and not be with others and if we were planning on it we would be honest, this is the end of the deal he did not honor in fear of hurting me or losing me he says.

 

He told me that he was going to talk to her about the STD last night becasue they were both going to be at the same graduation party, they have known each other for years and have mutaul friends. He told me he would not do anything with her though just talk to her but then he spent the night. Maybe he spent the night or I should say went to her home because he wanted to talk with her about this but he did not have to sleep there that is where he went wrong.

 

Yes I was hoping to work things out with him but this is only because he was feeding me the bait to think that way. I never heard him say clearly it is over he gives me reasons to hang on in what he says to me.

I think you are right though I should cut ties I mean he has not even called me today at all, and it seems as though he has all the control. I feel like I am a dumb girl being used by him but I don't want to beleive that because he says he cares not loves but cares and we were together long enough where he should at least care. I am hanging onto something that is not there I think.

 

Maybe he did say all that out of guilt your right but man it felt so good to hear those words you know what I mean?

 

He gets mad at me if I mention going out with other men and everything but he can do what he wants to??

 

What the heck, oh man I do not like this I am to old for all this but when you love someone you put yourself through dumb things and a lot of hurt.

[colleen26]

I guess you could say I was the one who broke up with him over yes this same girl.

 

He had went out one night with her and other friends which I was fine with because I liked all of his friends including this woman. Then they came home from the bar only him and her and they were being very wrong, talking about having her cook naked for him in my house, and she was telling him that she has been testing him to see if she could hook up with him, so needless to say I threw his things out at 4am and said get the F out.

 

See I was strong enough to do that but I am strong enough to move on? I guess maybe I was hoping we would get through that and remain together but we haven't he does not even want to hear anything about that night. He really thinks he did nothing wrong that night.

 

Actaully he said to me that if I would not have kicked him out none of this would have ever happened (sleeping with her etc.) So yeah nice now I am the blame for him being a dog, I don't think so he still knew what he was doing correct?

Not to mention he has done it again, and again and again.

[average guy]

I'm not sure I understand correctly, but are you saying he gave you AIDS? If so, that is a very serious matter which you should be in counselling for. Your doctor should have advise (even mandated) that before diagnosing you. Even if it is not AIDS you have a right to be very angry with him, and you should not be even considering trying to work things out with him if that is the way he treats you. I've even read about cases in court where men who knowlingly give a woman (or man) AIDS are prosectuable by law.

 

Good luck

[befuddled11]

First of all, to AverageGuy....she didn't say or imply the STD was AIDS...she merely said that she had an uncle who passed away from AIDS and that she takes the whole "STD" thing seriously (well, apparently not that seriously).

 

Colleen,

 

This is all very confusing. You break up with the guy because you don't trust him, and there's some other chick you think he's getting chummy with........but then you decide you trust him enough to continue sleeping with him (how naive), and you proclaim to take seriously, protecting yourself from STDs...yet here you are, now the recipient of a permanent one.....and you're blaming this other girl for apparently giving it to him, who then passed it onto you....and you're still wanting him back. This sounds like something for the Jerry Springer show.

 

First of all, I hate to say it, but you sound very naive. You broke up with him because of this other woman........that should have been enough reason to stay away from him for good...but you continued to have sex with him...and you admit to basically chasing him (after you broke up)........and you're driving by this girl's house now, to see if he's there. It's none of your business. You broke up with him. He's free to do whoever or whatever he wants.

 

And there's no point in the world to be angry at her for this STD that *you* have......he may have gotten it from her, he may have gotten it from someone, you'll never know for sure....but regardless, it's your health and your body and if you were so concerned about this, you'd have had a clue to PROTECT YOURSELF. I mean, how insane is all this. It's like a woman catching her guy in bed with someone...she throws him out.....yet she continues to screw around with him, catches something, and blames him and the chick he was cheating with.

 

you seriously need some counselling, to get to the root of why you're more concerned with this pig and getting him back, and what he's feeling for you, and less about the fact that you now have a permanent sexually transmitted disease that you're going to morally have to disclose to all future partners (well, a decent person would do that).

[HokeyReligions]

Colleen, you said:

He never calls me and never wants to hang out and this is hard because in my mind I am still with him but he is not operating that way.

 

The STD aside, you admit right here that the relationship is in your head. You can't expect someone to follow the script you have for them in your mind. You know this because later you said:

 

I feel like I am a dumb girl being used by him but I don't want to beleive that because he says he cares not loves but cares and we were together long enough where he should at least care. I am hanging onto something that is not there I think.

This is classic denial--almost everyone goes through this at some point when we lose someone we love.

 

This is what concerns me most:

As far as my depression I know that I suffer from that and I am going to get back on my medication soon.

 

Why aren't you on your meds NOW? Get on your meds and get into counseling. Forget him--he's not in love with you. Get yourself healthy (emotionally and physically) and move on.

[colleen26]

You are all right. I want to thank you all so much for the brutal but honest responses. I am actually feeling very good today after joining this site. I think a lot of it has been that I have no one to talk to. My family is out of state and I don't have any friends that are available.

 

Thank you very much. As far as not being on my meds it is because I got laid off my job and lost my medical and I wasn't able to afford to buy the meds or remain on COBRA.

 

Your right all of you I can do this and I do not need that scum bucket, his loss and although it hurts it is making me stronger for my next relationship.

 

You have all made such a difference in my mood alone, thank you for being the support I needed. Thanks very much.

 

Colleen