Women who get persnickity when you like them for their appearance

[irc333]

Okay, there's this female friend I have on FB, she had put some pictures up of her recent trip to Cancun, posing in a bikini, I have to say she's a rather attrataive Latina woman, and I "Liked" those specific photos, and said, "I'm enjoying the view" with a wink next to the comment.

 

She even had a short video clip of herself posing and being sexy/cute at the beach.

 

She sent me a message stating even though she appreciates the compliments and me "liking" her pictures, that she would like to be thought of more than just a pretty face.

 

And I thought , "Well, excuuuuuuse me!!"

 

What's with women like that??

[oaks]

She sent me a message stating even though she appreciates the compliments and me "liking" her pictures, that she would like to be thought of more than just a pretty face.

 

Ask her to post a scan of her brain and a psychiatrist's report about her personality so you can 'like' those as well.

 

 

What's with women like that??

 

She doesn't fancy you.

[Andy_K]

Average looking girls want to be thought of as pretty, pretty girls want to be thought of a smart or nice, that's just the way it works.

 

I would probably respond with some over-the-top jokey comment using big words about how her intelligence/creativity/generosity/etc shines through in her photo, to make the point that her comment is kind of out of place but do it with humour.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Ask her to post a scan of her brain and a psychiatrist's report about her personality so you can 'like' those as well.

 

Lol.

 

Well, there are several things going on here. On one hand women want to be pretty. On the other hand, when enough men compliment on your looks alone, it gets frustrating because guys don't generally say "Wow, it looks like you had a lot of fun in the ocean, are you a good swimmer"? Instead a guy will say something overly stated and obvious like "I really like your bikkini pics." with a wink, wink with it. We want our looks to be only one facet of something you notice about us but when all guys do is compliment your looks, it is annoying. So basically, you annoyed her with your over cliched and obvious compliments.

 

Now, yes, she is the one that posted the pictures. However, that doesn't mean you get to say whatever you want to the pictures. Again, however, she should acknowledge what posting bikkini shots means to her and what kind of attention she is really looking for. It's hard to say. Was she really posting "sexy" pictures of herself or was she just posting pictures of herself on her vacation where obviously it would include beach activities if she went somewhere warm?

[Sazerac]

Actually, it's a hook.

 

By being "offended," she threw the door open for you to rush in and reassure her that what you said wasn't what you meant, you love her for her mind and her personality, blah blah blah.

 

It's a game move. Think no more about it.

[xxoo]

Eh, she'd be FAR more upset if no one fussed over her bikini shots, I'm sure.

 

Maybe she's interested in you, and fishing for more compliments from you? Sort of, "Now that I know you think I'm hot, I want to know if you like me."

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Look, her gf's can ask if she is a good swimmer, her brother can ask if she is a good swimmer, her mom can ask that, her gay best male friend can ask that.

If you are a straight man, and you look at her on the beach in a skimpy bathing suit, you will not be looking at her mind.

That bra doesn't support a brain and that thong doesn't hide the medulla oblomgata.

 

You have a brain ?; then put up a picture of you in grandma's clothes reading a good book.

 

Look, I know in popular culture today it's okay to justify a whole slew of behaviors on the back of being a "straight man" and being lead around by your penis mean you can say and do things because of that, but I think men are much better then that. While a man might note the attractiveness of a woman, I think he is fully able to also make intelligent conversation with her and ask her questions about herself that don't lead to her body. No matter how she decided to display it. A man's actions are seperate from what a woman decides to do and vice versa. If it makes you feel good to actively engage in a stereotype about men that is actually kind of crappy toward men themselves, feel free to do so. But don't then ask yourself why women don't respect men like that.

 

Personally, I am sick of guys and the whole "I'm a man" which really means I can do and treat women anyway "*I* as a man decide because I like women and get horny". Grow up.

 

Now, am I saying her posting bikkini pictures is completely innocent? No. But there is a difference between posting such shots in looking for attention and posting such shots because your showing people what your doing on vacation. Not every woman in a bikkini that posts such shots does it to attract or lure men into fits of lust.

[Taramere]

No woman puts up sexy pictures of herself on the internets, for others to see, to be appreciated for her mind.

 

It's a **** test, others in this thread have probably already advised you on what to say/do.

 

I would have said something like 'ah, so you put up sexy pictures of yourself because you want to be taken seriously in life by men !'.

 

No point in nagging away at a disinterested girl like a mosquito that won't go away...which is how a comment like would almost certainly be perceived.

 

 

Look, her gf's can ask if she is a good swimmer, her brother can ask if she is a good swimmer, her mom can ask that, her gay best male friend can ask that.

If you are a straight man, and you look at her on the beach in a skimpy bathing suit, you will not be looking at her mind.

That bra doesn't support a brain and that thong doesn't hide the medulla oblomgata.

 

It may be that she put the picture up with a particular man in mind. Evidently, though, the OP is not that man. There's nothing to stop him looking at the picture, but getting into a debate with her over why she posted a picture of herself on holiday (which she's perfectly free to do on her personal profile) is probably just going to get him deleted off her friends list.

[Beachgirl8]

Perhaps she put up the pictures hoping one particular guy would notice her, and her plan is backfiring because all the guys she is not interested in are commenting on it instead, which is further driving the object of her affection away because he was not all that interested to begin with and now he sees her as a desperate attention seeker with many male admirers commenting on her pictures.

 

In my theory, OP is a Facebook c*ckblock and that's why she's annoyed.

 

However, the girl could have elected NOT to post bikini pictures. I live at the beach and I never post bikini pics on Facebook, because I don't want guys I went to high school with or ex-bosses or my friends husbands looking at them and commenting that my body looks good.

 

On the other hand I also agree with DY in that just because she posted pics doesn't mean it gives a pass to men to comment at will and say whatever they want. Accountability should be had by both men and women to act like adults.

[Taramere]

Perhaps she put up the pictures hoping one particular guy would notice her, and her plan is backfiring because all the guys she is not interested in are commenting on it instead, which is further driving the object of her affection away because he was not all that interested to begin with and now he sees her as a desperate attention seeker with many male admirers commenting on her pictures.

 

In my theory, OP is a Facebook c*ckblock and that's why she's annoyed.

 

That's what occurred to me too. That she's likely worried that somebody she's interested in thinks there's something going on with her and the OP...and if her response was public, that could be her sending out clear "I'm not with him" and, as you say "I wasn't desperately seeking attention" signals.

[oaks]

I live at the beach and I never post bikini pics on Facebook, because I don't want guys I went to high school with or ex-bosses or my friends husbands looking at them and commenting that my body looks good.

 

You can (and the girl in question can) control who sees such photos. Photos can be made viewable to specific groups of friends, so you can safely exclude your ex-boss etc from the audience.

[xxoo]

On the other hand I also agree with DY in that just because she posted pics doesn't mean it gives a pass to men to comment at will and say whatever they want. Accountability should be had by both men and women to act like adults.

 

Not to say something rude or obscene--but to compliment a bikini shot? What is wrong with that?

 

She could just delete your comment if she was worried that some other "man of interest" would get the wrong idea.

 

Much ado about nothing. Sounds like she needs a lot of attention.

[Beachgirl8]

You can (and the girl in question can) control who sees such photos. Photos can be made viewable to specific groups of friends, so you can safely exclude your ex-boss etc from the audience.

 

Oh yeah. You are right, I forgot Facebook has those features. I don't use it that much. If she could have kept the pics semi-private using the settings that would have been her best option.

 

I miss film pictures that had to be developed and put in an album. It's so much more complicated now.

[RiverRunning]

I thought among friends, the comment was playful and pretty tame as far as sexual innuendo goes. Then again, is she someone the OP barely knows but is only friends with on Facebook? You've got to be careful about what you say, in that case. I do think it crossed the line when he "Liked" all of the photos in conjunction with leaving that comment. I have an online friend who's on top of every picture I post on Facebook - and I never post anything suggestive. Everyone knows who the guy is and ask me if my S/O is jealous about him. After a while, it does get to be overboard.

 

That said, you MUST Have the understanding that if you're going to post pictures of yourself in a bikini, you're likely going to get comments about your body. Not even necessarily the pervy kind, but people will acknowledge it because you are wearing less clothing. I think her reaction to his comment was out of place.

[PlumPrincess]

She is giving you sh*t. Show self-confidence and tell her something like, "I like your hot body. What can I say. If you want me to appreciate your mind, you have to talk to me instead of showing bikini pictures."

[verhrzn]

I think Andy_K nailed it. I always get told how nice/smart I am, and I get very sick of hearing it... I'd LOVE to hear guys drooling over pictures of me.

 

My suggestion would be to roll your eyes at her comments and make a snarky joke along the lines of what PlumPrincess and Oak said. Then think nothing of it and keep doing your thing.

[Woggle]

If she wants to be appreciated for her other qualities maybe she can try putting them on display. What she is doing is like putting up a painting and complaining when people think you are a good artist.

[Negative Nancy]

Lol.

 

Well, there are several things going on here. On one hand women want to be pretty. On the other hand, when enough men compliment on your looks alone, it gets frustrating because guys don't generally say "Wow, it looks like you had a lot of fun in the ocean, are you a good swimmer"? Instead a guy will say something overly stated and obvious like "I really like your bikkini pics." with a wink, wink with it. We want our looks to be only one facet of something you notice about us but when all guys do is compliment your looks, it is annoying. So basically, you annoyed her with your over cliched and obvious compliments.

 

Now, yes, she is the one that posted the pictures. However, that doesn't mean you get to say whatever you want to the pictures. Again, however, she should acknowledge what posting bikkini shots means to her and what kind of attention she is really looking for. It's hard to say. Was she really posting "sexy" pictures of herself or was she just posting pictures of herself on her vacation where obviously it would include beach activities if she went somewhere warm?

 

this hits the nail on the head.

 

women get tired of being valued for nothing but their looks. so actually her comment showed that she isn't someone who just posted pictures for attention. you basically failed her "s**t test" with your stupid comment.you could have said something neutral like "great pics" without the stupidly obvious hint to her bikini or figure or sexiness or whatever. Don't you think us women hear that lame stuff that everyday? It just makes you look like one of the other desperate losers that want nothing but our bodies. If she's smart, she probably thought "what if i get older and this judgmental idiot leaves me for someone younger and firmer, as he has clearly shown that that's all he's interested in?" No wonder she's pissed because there is no long-term prospect with you according to that comment.

 

Here's something to get it straight into your head: if you had posted a pic of yourself next to a car, a similar comment by a woman would be, "nice car, i bet it was expensive. you must have alot of money, you should take me out on a date sometime *wink wink*".

 

I will say it over and over again: women do not want to be seen just as a walking set of t&a anymore than men want to be viewed as walking wallets.

Edited November 15, 2011 by Negative Nancy

[PlumPrincess]

I don't post pictures of myself half-naked, because I don't like guys making that kind of comments about me. I mean, if she wants to post sexy pictures, she can do it, but what kind of comments did she expect?

[Negative Nancy]

the thing is that she might have just been posting normal vacation pics. i mean, she was on VACATION, after all, so why can't women just post pictures of activities (swimming or hanging out on the beach) without creepy guys always making shallow comments?

 

i mean i bet even if she had put up 2 pictures, the one with her in the bikini and another one where she'd be feeding starving children in mexican slums, guys would still only comment on the bikini picture, it's sickening how shallow guys sometimes can be.

[Woggle]

the thing is that she might have just been posting normal vacation pics. i mean, she was on VACATION, after all, so why can't women just post pictures of activities (swimming or hanging out on the beach) without creepy guys always making shallow comments?

 

i mean i bet even is she had put up 2 pictures, the one with her in the bikini and another one right next to it, where she'd be feeding starving children in mexican slums, guys would still only comment on the bikini picture, it's sickening how shallow guys sometimes can be.

 

Women are just as bad. Ted Bundy got love letters because he was hot.

[irc333]

women get tired of being valued for nothing but their looks. so actually her comment showed that she isn't someone who just posted pictures for attention. you basically failed her "s**t test" with your stupid comment.

 

Saying it was a "stupid comment" is quite absurd, it was a compliment, not a stupid comment as you put it.

 

In fact, I find this woman to have a level of cuteness I find endearing, and nothing really sleazy about the pics, and I never said anything sleazy to her about the pics.

 

Saying, "I like those nice juggs" or "Nice arse" would be stupid, but a standard compliment is a whole different thing altogether.

 

Women probably get more comments on Facebook than in the real world, in fact, I would imagine in this politically correct society, on average, men keep those comments to themselves, unless they're on an actual date with a woman. I actually hadn't been around friends that "hoot and hollared" when a hot babe walked within their eye sight, in fact, at the most and get them nudging me, and say, "Hey, check her out" and nothing more.

[phineas]

She isn't into the OP & is being that way because she doesn't want him asking her out.

 

It's really that simple.

 

I have yet to see a woman not be receptive to comments on her appearance from a guy she wanted to get with.

[oaks]

She isn't into the OP & is being that way because she doesn't want him asking her out.

 

It's really that simple.

 

Agreed. There's some noise in this thread about how "men" or "women" behave, but this post cuts through that and gets to the specifics.

[irc333]

Thing is though, I've done the same thing with an older female friend I know on FB, late 40's, attractive for her age actually, she didn't make a stink, and actually embraced the compliment.

 

Older women are just less uptight.