Scarrlet Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 So I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months but,we kept on having fights lately and I kept on getting upset because he was constantly getting text messages from a girl he knows for 5 years but only chatted online or texts,which is odd.The thing is I told him that I find it wrong that she keeps on texting him so often specially when we're together since he said that when he is online he always talks to her but when he's apparently offline,he gets text messages from her. She has a boyfriend and my bf said she texts everyone a lot but I still get upset when I fall asleep next to him and he gets a text message,which he doesn't answer and I calm down, but when we wake up in the morning she texts him again. When I told him that, he said that I shouldn't care and he thinks that's alright to text anyone he wants. Am I overreacting for thinking that she is doing wrong for texting him so often even though he doesn't always answer to her texts ? When I asked my bf that, he said that I'm overreacting and I'm the only one doing wrong between her and me.. That got me really upset , please tell me if I'm just being jealous and should stop it.
classinus Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 It's clear that the internet girl is not a threat to you. I can see why you think that might be the case, but it's not. Especially since your bf is being open about it. He isn't hiding anything so this shouldn't really be a big issue. The issue here is the extent of the interaction between your bf and the other girl - not that there is any interaction. I will admit that it's sort of weird that the girl is incessantly texting him. I think some conversation is fine but not constant contact and texting back and forth with some internet friend. Your bf should use that time towards you and curtail his interaction. But asking him to cut off all communication is a big much, especially since the girl is not a thread. Limited contact is fine.
writergal Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 (edited) So I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months but,we kept on having fights lately and I kept on getting upset because he was constantly getting text messages from a girl he knows for 5 years but only chatted online or texts,which is odd.The thing is I told him that I find it wrong that she keeps on texting him so often specially when we're together since he said that when he is online he always talks to her but when he's apparently offline,he gets text messages from her. She has a boyfriend and my bf said she texts everyone a lot but I still get upset when I fall asleep next to him and he gets a text message,which he doesn't answer and I calm down, but when we wake up in the morning she texts him again. When I told him that, he said that I shouldn't care and he thinks that's alright to text anyone he wants. Am I overreacting for thinking that she is doing wrong for texting him so often even though he doesn't always answer to her texts ? When I asked my bf that, he said that I'm overreacting and I'm the only one doing wrong between her and me.. That got me really upset , please tell me if I'm just being jealous and should stop it. No you are not overreacting. But you are doing something worse but allowing him to do that while you are in a relationship with him. So give him an ultimatum: either he stops his emotional affair with this woman he's known for five years and dates you, or you will dump him. You have every reason to be upset. I disagree with Classinus that she's not a threat to your relationship. She is in every way a threat (which your boyfriend is allowing by the way). Your boyfriend's immature for saying "everyone does it" when you ask him to stop paying so much attention to a woman he's known for five years. He's clearly trying to blame you for his bad behavior. Typical player move especially if you've only been together for 2 months since that's not enough time to really know someone that well, even if you're sleeping together. He probably thinks you are a pushover which is why he's doing it. Time to get assertive and take a stand with him or dump him so he can text his female friend as much as he wants without you in the picture. By the way physical intimacy does not equal emotional intimacy. When you sleep with someone early on in a relationship, you rarely ever get to the next stage of emotional intimacy and trust because you've already given up the goods without making your partner work for your trust and respect. You already have a HUGE RED FLAG beating you in the face with this woman texting your boyfriend 24/7, with him telling you to get over it. What more evidence of his disinterest in you do you need? You're letting him get away with this by staying with him and putting up with it, and as long as you stay with him, you enable his immature behavior. He has no incentive to respect you at this point based on what he's doing. Why would you be with a man who cares about more texting a woman he's NOT dating than focusing on you who he is dating? Let me say it again: your boyfriend is NOT emotionally invested in his relationship with you to blow off your feelings so dismissively. How old is he anyway? He sounds like a nine year old who has just been told "no" for doing something bad, "but Mom, everyone else is doing it!" Dump him and find a man who isn't attached to his cell phone text message features because your boyfriend clearly has his cake (you being passive about his idiotic behavior) and wants to eat it too (with his online sexter woman friend he's known for five years). If he really cared about you he would stop texting his female friend. Are you sure they aren't sexting each other? You have to ask yourself: why are you with a man who's just not that into you based on his behavior? Edited November 19, 2011 by writergal
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