Calli82 Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Hey, Here is my story: I met my husband online in September of 2009. I live in Canada, he lives in the USA. We were married in April 2011 and then a big Canada celebration in August 2011. After our ceremony in April we started my immigration journey to the USA. A long and stressful process. After our reception in August I returned to the USA with him. Life was great. We were finally together for longer than just a visit. We were talking about buying a house. We bought a new car. The future was looking bright. On November 2nd, I left the USA to return to canada to receive my visa from the consulate. I was staying in Canada for a couple of weeks and then returning. On Friday I checked our cell phone account to make sure he wasn't being charged to text me in Canada since we had just switched providers. Once I was logged in I saw that on his phone there was over 1700 text messages. This shocked me as I knew it wasn't me he was texting this much. So I asked him about it and he told me it was coworker that was helping him with some computer stuff. I didn't believe him. We fought. He told me not to come back there unless I could 100% trust him. I ended up hanging up on him as I was upset and couldn't listen to his obvious lies. The next day I called the number and no one answered. I called another number that he was also texting that was from another state and...that was the coworker that was helping him. I looked through the history of text messages and they started talking the next night after I left and would text each other pretty much from the moment he woke up at 5:30am until 4am in the morning some nights. So I then called my husband and gave him an opportunity to be honest with me. He still failed to come clean. So I just told him what I had found out and he admitted that is was a girl he was texting. I asked a few questions like how they met etc. which she was a customer at his workplace. I asked what they talked about and he said flirtatious and sexual things. I then asked him why? To which he just said that he was stupid. He says that he didn't think that what he was doing was wrong until now. Probably only because he got caught. He seemed remorseful and sorry for what he did. I couldn't handle talking to him anymore and hung up. He text me about an hour later and was trying to get me to talk to him. I was hurt and angry. I said some mean things like "Take your wedding ring off, you don't know the meaning of it" etc. He then started to talk about killing himself and I called one of his family members so they could make sure he didn't do anything stupid. About 40 mins later I text him to see if he was okay and he was very cold and just told me to stop texting him. I couldn't understand what was going on. Really? He was pushing me away? Shouldn't this be the other way around? The anger and frustration has continued like this for a couple of days. While some people need space to deal with things I am not one of those people. I want to resolve things and deal with them ASAP. He only picked up 2 of my phone calls and both times he was crying uncontrollably and hung up. But yet in text messages he was a complete jerk about everything. Telling me I was harassing him with my text messages. Almost making it seem like I did something wrong and I was the one being punished. Yesterday morning I ended up breaking down after repeatedly trying to communicate with him and sent him an e mail. I opened myself up and made myself completely vulnerable to him and asked him to call me once he got the e mail. I told him I forgave him and we could work this out. That we didn't go through all of this to call it quits the moment I get my visa and we can finally be together. He did call. We talked and he seems open to the idea of making this work. I told him that I could forgive him and I was willing to make things work. The conversation ended with I love you and I was content with that. I wanted to keep our conversation going but he was at work. About 5 text messages in he asked me to lay off the text messages and give him some space. Making no sense to me. Anyways, today- he closed our bank account in the USA and cancelled my phone. I found both of these out by notifications sent to my email as he closed them. He has deleted me off of the only forms of communication that we had with each other online. He answered my call tonight and was as calm as I have ever seen him. He said "he doesn't want to be with me and he doesn't love me anymore and it was over." He talked about filing for a divorce and looking into what he needs to do and asked me if I was going to take him to court. I have belongings in the USA, including my vehicle since I flew here that I have to go back for. I booked a flight for tomorrow evening and he says he is picking me up at the airport. I don't understand what happened. I left there leaving my husband with both of us crying because I was going to be gone for 3 weeks to him wanting a divorce and telling me he doesn't love me. Confused!
robf1971 Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Hi, Sorry you find yourself in this situation. Be thankfull you've only been together 2 years and didn't have to wait another 15 years and 3 children to find out what he's really like. It's a blessing in disguise!!! No kids + no property = Kick him to the kerb
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 He told me not to come back there unless I could 100% trust him. I don't understand what happened. What happened... is that he "told (you) not to come back there unless (you) could 100% trust him". You couldn't (and shouldn't) , yet you still booked a flight... You have created any "confusion" that arose.
Surfer203 Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Sorry to hear about your story. I too have a spouse from another country.. I am from the USA my wife is from Canada. All I can say is even though things seemed great before you left, clearly they were not. I am sure whatever he has going on with this chick or multiple chicks has been going on for a while. You need to get to the bottom of this and protect yourself. I hope things work out for you and realize that you are more valuable than the way you are being treated.
Author Calli82 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 What happened... is that he "told (you) not to come back there unless (you) could 100% trust him". You couldn't (and shouldn't) , yet you still booked a flight... You have created any "confusion" that arose. I didn't return because I trusted him. I just wanted my stuff and vehicle. UPDATE: I flew there last night and am now back in Canada. I spent a total of 2 hours with him 1 of those hours was driving from the airport. Conversation was a complete 180 from how he has been talking to me by text message. Claims that he only told me that he doesn't love me anymore because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and he knew if he said that I would leave. Says he still loves me but knows that I will never forgive him or trust him again. I did what I said I was going to do and left before I let my heart think for me. It was very hard with him bawling his eyes out and repeating over and over that he is sorry. I told him I would keep my mind open and that obviously I still loved him but I needed time and space and that when I was ready to talk to him, I would. Sigh...
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