To call or not to call?

[b_80_h]

Hello everyone. I'm writing this because I've spent the past few days mulling over my most recent ex, ruminating about the good times and wondering about the future for both of us. Before I give my dilemma, I'd like to give a summarized version of the relationship/breakup I'm dealing with so that your opinions have proper context. WARNING: IT IS LONG.

 

• My ex and I (on these forums, I shall call her "Dani" for privacy) started dating back in September of last year while we were in college. What started as an agreed-upon fling blossomed into a long term relationship.
  
• We managed to make it through some rough patches, but overall our relationship was pretty good. I had issues with my outlook on life and a gaming addiction, and she was dealing with what was later diagnosed as depression.
  
• Eventually, Dani had to leave school at the end of the spring to go home and seek support and help for her worsening depression. It was really hard on both of us. My grades in school, which had been faltering before, barely survived this.
  
• Dani invited me to visit her for a week in Georgia, over my birthday, but the invite came with a caveat; she told me she was considering breaking up with me, because of the distance (I live in Washington state, and the college we were at was not too far from where I live) and her desire to seek help and better herself. I flew off the handle at her, but she calmed me down by saying that she wanted to see me badly, and she didn't want to decide until after I had left Georgia.
  
• We spend a week together, having a few ups and downs here and there. The week generally goes well, and I feel our relationship was in a good place. Our friendship felt stronger than before. The only warning I had was her heavy crying when we said goodbye at the airport.
  
• A few days after I had come home, she calls me and informs me (through a torrent of tears) that she felt like we needed to split up. I'm devastated, but I try to hide it behind a calm voice and a supportive tone. Dani offers to be there for me if I needed someone to talk to, as my parents were in danger of splitting at that time. Over the next two weeks, we stay in touch by text. She tells me that I had forgotten some things, and she keeps crying whenever she sees them.
  
• I go into summer school, and eventually flop out. She stays busy all summer with work, and brushes me off as I try to make small gestures to stay in touch, telling me at one point. I find I wont be returning to the college we met at, so I inform her that I will be dropping off her things that she had stored with me a few months ago.
  
• After cordially dropping things off with her, I try to extend an invitation to talk and catch up (primarily as friends). She swiftly rebuffs me, and tells me to stop talking to her. I'm even further crushed, and I slip deeper into depression.
  

So, at the end of that long summary, here we are. I finally managed drag myself out of the dark place I was in, and I'm mostly healed at this point. I had a lot of things to work on regarding myself, so I've been busy trying to improve myself and stay in school at the local community college. I hope to return to the university I was at during the next school year.

 

Now, you might be thinking, "Why doesn't he get to the point?"

 

Well, my predicament is this. I've finally pulled myself out of the pit I was in, and I wont easily fall back in. I've been trying my best to re-expand my social circle while I do my best to work on myself. Yet, oddly enough, I haven't been able to escape this faint longing for my ex.

 

The pain isn't like it used to be, so I'm not debilitated by thinking of her. I'm more of less wondering how she's doing; how her new nephew is doing (she was really excited when he was born); how her family in general is doing. More or less, I'm missing the bond that I had with her. With this girl, I can honestly, unequivocally say that I experienced love for the first time. She became my best friend during our time together, and losing her was like losing a part of myself.

 

So, my desire to contact is more or less a simple one. I really want to extend an olive branch and see if anything can be salvaged between her and I, but I'm not sure this is a good plan. Admittedly, the issues we both had with depression make me somewhat nervous. What if she isn't the same person? Will we still click? My heart skips a beat when I think of this. We haven't talked since August, and I know that's not exactly a long time, but it's felt like a relative eternity to me.

 

She still has some of my stuff at her house in Georgia. I would like it back, but I would also like her back in my life as well. I'm not sure how to do this, because I've never been in a situation where I feel this way about someone. Anyone have any pointers?

 

I'm stuck between 3 options right now:

 

1. Give her a call and hope she picks up, willing to talk to me
   
2. Wait a little longer until her birthday, then send an innocuous text to wish her happy birthday (or maybe a small, inexpensive gift, like flowers. Depends on the budget)
   
3. Do nothing and let these feelings pass
   

I wont die if I don't talk to her, but I do want my things back and I do plan on returning to the university she currently attends. I know it's not required for me to talk to her, but I'd like to, at the very least, resolve some things for my own purposes. At the most, I'd love another chance.

 

Any ideas?

[b_80_h]

For the sake of a shameless bump...

 

I'm stuck on how long I should wait before I call about getting my stuff back. I could easily accomplish this by text, but I guess I'm trying to keep it open and loose without making it seem like I'm just ordering her to hand over my things.

 

Tips? Tricks? Cheat codes?

[chados]

For the sake of a shameless bump...

 

I'm stuck on how long I should wait before I call about getting my stuff back. I could easily accomplish this by text, but I guess I'm trying to keep it open and loose without making it seem like I'm just ordering her to hand over my things.

 

Tips? Tricks? Cheat codes?

 

 

 

im in the same situation right now. the worst pain in my life. , she has been contacting me a few times, which actually did more pain to me, even though i wanted to talk with her, but its just the feeling not knowing if she just want be nice to me. and yesterday i made the call. she was working so she couldn't answer, she asked me via text, what did you want to talk about?, i asked her if she had 2 minutes, and she called me up instantly.

 

she sounded so happy, and agreed to a meetup later on. i don't know if this is also just to be nice to me. but i can tell you this. what a relief that was, she doesn't sound uncomfortable to talk to me and agrees that we could meetup. and for your information, it has only been 1 month and i have been very short everytime she initiated contact just to make sure she didn't think i was chasing her. make the call. but don't "ever" talk about the relationship if she isn't the one bringing it up. act happy and be yourself. you want to go out as friends first!.

 

don't be the one chasing her, because thats what guys do. they are chasing all the time. let her come to you. she hasn't changed that much in this short period of time, she might feel better, because she don't have any pressure on her right now, or maybe she's worse. we don't know that. but its the same girl. how did you react against her when she told you? did you just act cool about it and you haven't talked to her since?

[b_80_h]

don't be the one chasing her, because thats what guys do. they are chasing all the time. let her come to you. she hasn't changed that much in this short period of time, she might feel better, because she don't have any pressure on her right now, or maybe she's worse. we don't know that. but its the same girl. how did you react against her when she told you? did you just act cool about it and you haven't talked to her since?

 

Well, when she split up with me, it was mutually painful. When she told me she didn't want to see me again, her wording sounded like she was trying to stay polite and composed at the same time. Part of me thinks that seeing me again dredged up her memories, and she was concerned about going back into a bad place.

 

She wasn't really rude to me, so that points to a considered response. Still, it's been almost 4 months, so my hope would be that any emotions have settled.

 

I'm not looking to chase her or get back with her. At most, I'm just looking for a chance to talk with her. At the very least though, I want my crap back... I'm just not in the mood to be perceived as pursuing. I'm in a better place in life than I was, but I'm not to a point where I could be all-out rejected and quickly weather that storm.

[chados]

Well, when she split up with me, it was mutually painful. When she told me she didn't want to see me again, her wording sounded like she was trying to stay polite and composed at the same time. Part of me thinks that seeing me again dredged up her memories, and she was concerned about going back into a bad place.

 

She wasn't really rude to me, so that points to a considered response. Still, it's been almost 4 months, so my hope would be that any emotions have settled.

 

I'm not looking to chase her or get back with her. At most, I'm just looking for a chance to talk with her. At the very least though, I want my crap back... I'm just not in the mood to be perceived as pursuing. I'm in a better place in life than I was, but I'm not to a point where I could be all-out rejected and quickly weather that storm.

 

 

well, im sure your feeling a lot better, and you might realize that your starting to accept that you might not be able to get back together. but honestly, you do want her back, at least you want her to like you, people want to be liked, and when you loved someone it hurt badly when they say "do not talk with me anymore", since NC doesn't work.

 

give her a call, maybe from a friends phone so she dont recognize the number. tell her. i know what went wrong and i realize why this happened. explain that you just dont want her to hate you. and tell her that you wont bother her anymore. and if you want your stuff back, tell her that. be confident when you talk to her. dont sound like your sad/mad

[b_80_h]

well, im sure your feeling a lot better, and you might realize that your starting to accept that you might not be able to get back together. but honestly, you do want her back, at least you want her to like you, people want to be liked, and when you loved someone it hurt badly when they say "do not talk with me anymore", since NC doesn't work.

 

give her a call, maybe from a friends phone so she dont recognize the number. tell her. i know what went wrong and i realize why this happened. explain that you just dont want her to hate you. and tell her that you wont bother her anymore. and if you want your stuff back, tell her that. be confident when you talk to her. dont sound like your sad/mad

 

What do you mean when you say "be confident"? I know it might seem like a bit of a dumb question...

 

I just know that I didn't do anything that broke the camel's back (per say), so it's not my fault, or hers for that matter. I may have hurt her, but neither of us were in a good place anymore, and I was more or less leaning on her...

 

I don't want her to hate me though. You're right about that indisputably.

[BCCA]

Calling her will do absolutely nothing but make you feel even more hopeless. She obviously doesnt feel the same way about you any more, and truth be told, you DONT want to just talk as friends. Youre just telling yourself that so you have an excuse to contact her, even though you know you shouldnt.

 

give her a call, maybe from a friends phone so she dont recognize the number. tell her. i know what went wrong and i realize why this happened. explain that you just dont want her to hate you. and tell her that you wont bother her anymore. and if you want your stuff back, tell her that. be confident when you talk to her. dont sound like your sad/mad

 

Wow, really? Youre recomending resorting to using a number she isnt familiar with, because she wont answer his calls if she knows its him? Dont you see the real problem here?

 

The realy problem is that she is trying to move on with her life, a life that will not include b_80_h. Getting her on the phone isnt going to magically make her change her mind, in fact, you'll probably only make her feel like her decision to dump you was a great idea, now that youre being creepy and trying to hide whose calling by using a different number.

 

If she wanted to talk to you she would call you. You dont need to talk to her about anything, youre just making excuses. What do you honestly think is going to happen if you get her on the phone?

[chados]

Calling her will do absolutely nothing but make you feel even more hopeless. She obviously doesnt feel the same way about you any more, and truth be told, you DONT want to just talk as friends. Youre just telling yourself that so you have an excuse to contact her, even though you know you shouldnt.

 

give her a call, maybe from a friends phone so she dont recognize the number. tell her. i know what went wrong and i realize why this happened. explain that you just dont want her to hate you. and tell her that you wont bother her anymore. and if you want your stuff back, tell her that. be confident when you talk to her. dont sound like your sad/mad

 

Wow, really? Youre recomending resorting to using a number she isnt familiar with, because she wont answer his calls if she knows its him? Dont you see the real problem here?

 

The realy problem is that she is trying to move on with her life, a life that will not include b_80_h. Getting her on the phone isnt going to magically make her change her mind, in fact, you'll probably only make her feel like her decision to dump you was a great idea, now that youre being creepy and trying to hide whose calling by using a different number.

 

If she wanted to talk to you she would call you. You dont need to talk to her about anything, youre just making excuses. What do you honestly think is going to happen if you get her on the phone?

 

 

 

 

im not saying its the best way to handle it, but i mean if he is gonna call her and she wont answer his phone, and if he's not going to stick with nc, then why not? he got absolutely nothing to loose then. al though i didn't gave my ex a call from another phone, i did call her, even when things seemed hopeless. and guess what, she did pick up and sounded happier then ever talking to me. sure this might be a rare case.

 

 

by confident i mean, you dont wanna act like your miserable, more like the guy she fell inlove with.

[BCCA]

im not saying its the best way to handle it, but i mean if he is gonna call her and she wont answer his phone, and if he's not going to stick with nc, then why not? he got absolutely nothing to loose then. al though i didn't gave my ex a call from another phone, i did call her, even when things seemed hopeless. and guess what, she did pick up and sounded happier then ever talking to me. sure this might be a rare case.

 

 

by confident i mean, you dont wanna act like your miserable, more like the guy she fell inlove with.

 

Ok, the problem is that SHE DOESNT WANT TO TALK TO HIM! Tricking her into answering the phone isnt going to change that, she'll likely hang up as soon as she figures out who it is, and then he'll run off to find an even more desperate and ridiculous method of getting into contact with her.

 

And he has a LOT to lose, most noteably, whats left of his self respect. All he is doing is making himself more and more hopeless and desperate. And he wont even get a chance to 'act confident', she isnt likely to stay on the phone longer than 3 seconds.

 

Seriously b_80_h, I know it sucks, but all youre doing is making it worse, and making yourself crazy in the process. She doesnt want to even TALK to you, there is no chance of reconciliation here. Just let it go.

[BCCA]

Also, this ex who answered and seemed happy to talk to you...I'll go out on a limb here and guess you two did not get back together. Am I right? lol

[b_80_h]

Calling her will do absolutely nothing but make you feel even more hopeless. She obviously doesnt feel the same way about you any more, and truth be told, you DONT want to just talk as friends. Youre just telling yourself that so you have an excuse to contact her, even though you know you shouldnt.

 

give her a call, maybe from a friends phone so she dont recognize the number. tell her. i know what went wrong and i realize why this happened. explain that you just dont want her to hate you. and tell her that you wont bother her anymore. and if you want your stuff back, tell her that. be confident when you talk to her. dont sound like your sad/mad

 

Wow, really? Youre recomending resorting to using a number she isnt familiar with, because she wont answer his calls if she knows its him? Dont you see the real problem here?

 

The realy problem is that she is trying to move on with her life, a life that will not include b_80_h. Getting her on the phone isnt going to magically make her change her mind, in fact, you'll probably only make her feel like her decision to dump you was a great idea, now that youre being creepy and trying to hide whose calling by using a different number.

 

If she wanted to talk to you she would call you. You dont need to talk to her about anything, youre just making excuses. What do you honestly think is going to happen if you get her on the phone?

 

Ok, the problem is that SHE DOESNT WANT TO TALK TO HIM! Tricking her into answering the phone isnt going to change that, she'll likely hang up as soon as she figures out who it is, and then he'll run off to find an even more desperate and ridiculous method of getting into contact with her.

 

And he has a LOT to lose, most noteably, whats left of his self respect. All he is doing is making himself more and more hopeless and desperate. And he wont even get a chance to 'act confident', she isnt likely to stay on the phone longer than 3 seconds.

 

Seriously b_80_h, I know it sucks, but all youre doing is making it worse, and making yourself crazy in the process. She doesnt want to even TALK to you, there is no chance of reconciliation here. Just let it go.

 

This is the thing. We haven't talked since august. I'm not hurting to hear from her. She has some things of mine that, even though they are somewhat minor, I would like to be returned to me.

 

I may miss her, but it's more due to the bond we shared. Our lives are going in different directions at the moment, so I'm not exactly looking to run back to her, begging her to take me back. More or less, I miss the woman who became my best friend, and I want to just keep in touch.

 

I'm not the kind of guy who would try to hide a call. If I call her, I want to be honest with her, because I would like her to extend the same courtesy with me.

 

 

I guess I'm trying to gauge when the right time to get in touch with her would be. I don't know anything about her life at this point, and I'm assuming she knows nothing of mine. HOWEVER, she currently goes to the university I'll be re-enrolling at next fall, so I'd prefer to do this before too much time has passed.

[BCCA]

This is the thing. We haven't talked since august. I'm not hurting to hear from her. She has some things of mine that, even though they are somewhat minor, I would like to be returned to me.

 

I may miss her, but it's more due to the bond we shared. Our lives are going in different directions at the moment, so I'm not exactly looking to run back to her, begging her to take me back. More or less, I miss the woman who became my best friend, and I want to just keep in touch.

The first paragraph kinda contradicts the second. You're saying you just want to call to get some minor things, but then on to say you miss your 'best friend' and that youre going different directions 'at the moment'...Sounds to me like this call is about more than simply getting your things back.

 

This is what I meant by making up an excuse to call. We've ALL done the exact same thing, so Im not trying to imply that youre the only one who made this mistake, Im just trying to save you the frustration. No matter what you tell yourself, you WILL have some expectations of that phone call, and it WILL mess you up all over again if you dont get it. Its pretty evident that youre looking at this breakup as a temporary bump in the road, instead of the absolute end, and I think youre setting your self up for dissapointment.

 

I'm not the kind of guy who would try to hide a call. If I call her, I want to be honest with her, because I would like her to extend the same courtesy with me.

 

 

I guess I'm trying to gauge when the right time to get in touch with her would be. I don't know anything about her life at this point, and I'm assuming she knows nothing of mine. HOWEVER, she currently goes to the university I'll be re-enrolling at next fall, so I'd prefer to do this before too much time has passed

 

Well, I give you credit for that. Trust me, hiding your number to 'trick' her into answering would be creepy.

 

Why are you re-enrolling in her school? Dude, come on now, why are you doing this to yourself? Is there no other schools you can go to anywhere else around you? You have to be honest with yourself here; youre forcing things a little. Not to mention, if she's dating someone else, are you really going to want to see them around school?

 

Letting go is about more than waiting a specific period of time, and then trying to re-inject yourself in the other person's life. Its about accepting things for what they are, and trying to life your life without the other person. Meet new people, try new things, explore life on your own for a while...things like that. If its meant to be, things will happen in due time, but only when youve completely let go and figured out life alone.

 

If the stuff is minor, like you said, you know its not really that important that you call about it. Let it go. Dont force yourself into her life by going back to the same school, when Im sure there is something else you could do. Just let go - completely, and youll feeling better sooner than later. Feel the freedom, enjoy life.

[b_80_h]

Why are you re-enrolling in her school? Dude, come on now, why are you doing this to yourself? Is there no other schools you can go to anywhere else around you? You have to be honest with yourself here; youre forcing things a little. Not to mention, if she's dating someone else, are you really going to want to see them around school?

 

Letting go is about more than waiting a specific period of time, and then trying to re-inject yourself in the other person's life. Its about accepting things for what they are, and trying to life your life without the other person. Meet new people, try new things, explore life on your own for a while...things like that. If its meant to be, things will happen in due time, but only when youve completely let go and figured out life alone.

 

If the stuff is minor, like you said, you know its not really that important that you call about it. Let it go. Dont force yourself into her life by going back to the same school, when Im sure there is something else you could do. Just let go - completely, and youll feeling better sooner than later. Feel the freedom, enjoy life.

 

I picked that school because I went there to play football. I made some dumb choices academically, and I'm having to take a year off at a community college to fix my grades. I want to go back to rejoin the team and finish what I started academically. Trust me, I've got a lot of bones to pick at that school, and my ex isn't even near the top of the list.

 

That being said, you're right about contradicting myself. I'm honest about the fact that I miss her, because even taking time to better myself, I haven't really been able to replace what was there. However, I'm not crippled or shackled by those feelings anymore, and it was a long road to climb to get here.

 

I only want to resolve this because I want to know that I've done my part in this. Basically, whatever the outcome is, I'll feel better knowing I tried. If she wants to talk, then cool. If she doesn't, I get my things back and life goes on.

 

Pretty much, I have personal closure I have to achieve with this, and it's got nothing to do with her for the most part. I want to know I did right by myself, you know?

[69ways]

im in the same situation right now. the worst pain in my life. , she has been contacting me a few times, which actually did more pain to me, even though i wanted to talk with her, but its just the feeling not knowing if she just want be nice to me. and yesterday i made the call. she was working so she couldn't answer, she asked me via text, what did you want to talk about?, i asked her if she had 2 minutes, and she called me up instantly.

 

she sounded so happy, and agreed to a meetup later on. i don't know if this is also just to be nice to me. but i can tell you this. what a relief that was, she doesn't sound uncomfortable to talk to me and agrees that we could meetup. and for your information, it has only been 1 month and i have been very short everytime she initiated contact just to make sure she didn't think i was chasing her. make the call. but don't "ever" talk about the relationship if she isn't the one bringing it up. act happy and be yourself. you want to go out as friends first!.

 

don't be the one chasing her, because thats what guys do. they are chasing all the time. let her come to you. she hasn't changed that much in this short period of time, she might feel better, because she don't have any pressure on her right now, or maybe she's worse. we don't know that. but its the same girl. how did you react against her when she told you? did you just act cool about it and you haven't talked to her since?

 

I agree with the chasing part but how do u deal with an ex that chases and stops and so on and so on

[chados]

I agree with the chasing part but how do u deal with an ex that chases and stops and so on and so on

 

 

she's chasing you now?. since i dont know her its harder to know what it means. she might want you back, or maybe its egoboost. i wouldn't put to much effort in there. just wait and let her come to you. she will contact you if she loves you, well she might be to proud to do that, but that will only drive her insane, but dont act like youve missed her to much, be confident with yourself and talk to her as a friend.

 

i have to explain what i mean by calling from a friends phone.

 

this is of course if she doesn't answer your phone, and i dont mean call her the same day with another phone, i mean maybe 3 weeks later. you could easily say you need your stuff back and you didnt had any money on your phone or something like that. not saying this is a good idea, but its your stuff and you want it back.

[69ways]

she's chasing you now?. since i dont know her its harder to know what it means. she might want you back, or maybe its egoboost. i wouldn't put to much effort in there. just wait and let her come to you. she will contact you if she loves you, well she might be to proud to do that, but that will only drive her insane, but dont act like youve missed her to much, be confident with yourself and talk to her as a friend.

 

i have to explain what i mean by calling from a friends phone.

 

this is of course if she doesn't answer your phone, and i dont mean call her the same day with another phone, i mean maybe 3 weeks later. you could easily say you need your stuff back and you didnt had any money on your phone or something like that. not saying this is a good idea, but its your stuff and you want it back.

7 months after break up: You are the man of my life , will not find a guy like you.

8 months:I hear you are in town, can you come earlier by one day as I travelling abroad alone and want to see you.

I said no.

9 months:You got a gf right, whats her name, is she there with you?

I dont know why i feel this , she said

10 months: I got depression, going to the psych, i had b4 i left you, i should had gone before we broke up.You are the only person that knows this.

3 weeks now she has disappeared again.

[chados]

7 months after break up: You are the man of my life , will not find a guy like you.

8 months:I hear you are in town, can you come earlier by one day as I travelling abroad alone and want to see you.

I said no.

9 months:You got a gf right, whats her name, is she there with you?

I dont know why i feel this , she said

10 months: I got depression, going to the psych, i had b4 i left you, i should had gone before we broke up.You are the only person that knows this.

3 weeks now she has disappeared again.

 

 

thats along time away from eachother, i dont know but maybe you should go for it, but still she might feel thats she's alone and will dump you later, just go out with her as friends, and try to build things up from there, dont just take her back, let her work for it!. but i do think since she reached out to you, maybe youre waiting to long. i would go for it, if it isn't meant to be, well you probably wont feel as hurt this time?

[alphamale]

Any ideas?

yea, do nothing

[69ways]

thats along time away from eachother, i dont know but maybe you should go for it, but still she might feel thats she's alone and will dump you later, just go out with her as friends, and try to build things up from there, dont just take her back, let her work for it!. but i do think since she reached out to you, maybe youre waiting to long. i would go for it, if it isn't meant to be, well you probably wont feel as hurt this time?

We are in different countries , thats the issue.......

[chados]

We are in different countries , thats the issue.......

 

 

well, if you think its what you want, go there and hang out with her. nothing in this world worth having comes easily

[b_80_h]

yea, do nothing

 

Well, I've done nothing so far, and something doesn't feel right.

[geegirl]

Well, I've done nothing so far, and something doesn't feel right.

 

It doesn't feel right because it's not what you want to do. Sometimes the right thing is the hardest to do.

[b_80_h]

It doesn't feel right because it's not what you want to do. Sometimes the right thing is the hardest to do.

 

It doesn't feel right because I'm giving up on something that matters to me by pretending it doesn't. I've done that a lot in my relatively short lifetime, and I'm trying to stop being a quitter.

 

I'd rather make a little final effort and leave the ball in her court, rather than keep trying to pretend that this doesn't matter to me.

Edited November 25, 2011 by b_80_h

[geegirl]

It doesn't feel right because I'm giving up on something that matters to me by pretending it doesn't. I've done that a lot in my relatively short lifetime, and I'm trying to stop being a quitter.

 

I'd rather make a little final effort and leave the ball in her court, rather than keep trying to pretend that this doesn't matter to me.

 

You're looking at this based on your value of the R. You're projecting your value of the R on her.

 

What are you giving up on when you don't even have it?

 

It's not about quitting but a sense of denial that you have within you. You're masking denial as your need to not want to quit.

 

If you want to make a final attempt, then bite the bullet and do it. Asking a forum what to do when you know you don't want to "QUIT", is futile. Sometimes we need to get that final blow before we accept the reality.

 

If she bites, good for you. If not, try to move on and know you did all you could.

[BCCA]

You're looking at this based on your value of the R. You're projecting your value of the R on her.

 

What are you giving up on when you don't even have it?

 

It's not about quitting but a sense of denial that you have within you. You're masking denial as your need to not want to quit.

 

If you want to make a final attempt, then bite the bullet and do it. Asking a forum what to do when you know you don't want to "QUIT", is futile. Sometimes we need to get that final blow before we accept the reality.

 

If she bites, good for you. If not, try to move on and know you did all you could.

 

It seems like he's just looking for anyone to tell him that going after her when shes made it crystal clear that she isnt interested any longer is the thing to do, and since no one here is cruel enough to tell him thats a good idea, he keeps trying to rephrase it in a way that makes it sound differently from what it is.

 

Youre not 'quitting' - she 'quit' you. SHE isnt interested, it has nothing to do with whatever effort you want to make. She has told you that she doenst want to be with you any more, and she's done nothing since to let you know that she's changed her mind. Nothing you can do is going to change her mind, she has to come to that conclusion on her own.

 

And I think youre kidding yourself about going back to the same school. You can say its not about her all you want, but it is, and its obvious. There has go be another school you can go to, youre just planning on going to her school because you want to force yourself into her life. You need to stop thinking this way.

 

Let it GO! Completely, totally, 100% LET IT GO!!! Until you do, your life is going to be stuck in the same, hopeless, desperate place...and thats not healthy.