AltoidsCan Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 (edited) I basically found other user's advice when I tried to look for an answer: Here is the question you must seriously ask her face-to-face because only she can give the answer: "When you say you don't want a relationship now, do you mean with anybody or specifically with me?" Tell her you want the truth more than her kindness. If she is honest, she will probably give one of three responses along these lines: (1) "I do not want a relationship with anybody right now, including you, because I need to 'get myself together' and 'focus on me'." (2) "I love you, but I love you as a friend and want you to stay my friend." (3) "I really don't know what I want right now." Of course the third response resembles the first. If she doesn't know what she wants, she really does need 'time and space' to get herself together. There is no need for you to cut ties with her--continue to be her friend; but do not expect a relationship in the near future and do not put your life on hold. If she loves you, she will not want you to suffer while she works things out. Don't wait for her by being idle. Live your life. Focus on activities and your job and reach out to new people. It's hard for you to imagine right now, but you might even meet someone else that you like and realize relationships do not have to be so complicated. One thing she may need to work out is overcoming fear of commitment. She may want to be in a relationship with you, but she is still unable to take that step because her past experience with a relationship (or the experience of someone close to her) was very troublesome. She never fully dealt with the pain. She simply ignored it, and now that she's on the verge of a new relationship, old issues have surfaced. She realizes now that she can't move forward with you until she personally deals with this psychological issue. This explanation accounts for the two reasons she gave for not being ready to commit: (1) fear of the relationship not working out/fear of heartbreak, and (2) inability to manage the stress of a relationship--which implies that she thinks her relationships are stressful. Thus, knowing she must deal with her own problem, she says she is not ready.[/Quote]Basically right now, she says she does not want to be with anyone, including me. She says that she wants me to move on as she doesn't want to hold me back. However, she gets jealous when I hang out with female friends. Also, she said she is not going to be in a relationship with anyone and she promised not to touch anyone. (ie. make out, have sex) She still loves me a lot (she says it out loud and she misses me) and when she sees me, she wants to kiss me, hold my hand and have sex with me. Any insight in to this matter? What should you do? Edited November 15, 2011 by AltoidsCan
ErgoStep Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Basically right now, she says she does not want to be with anyone, including me. She says that she wants me to move on as she doesn't want to hold me back. However, she gets jealous when I hang out with female friends. Also, she said she is not going to be in a relationship with anyone and she promised not to touch anyone. (ie. make out, have sex) She still loves me a lot and when she sees me, she wants to kiss me, hold my hand and have sex with me. So basically you have a relationship with her and it's not officially a relationship. Dude, I'd enjoy the love and attention and sex for as long as it's there. Don't worry about the drama. It's mostly kiddie stuff. Just do what you want and the waves will settle out eventually.
Author AltoidsCan Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 So basically you have a relationship with her and it's not officially a relationship. Dude, I'd enjoy the love and attention and sex for as long as it's there. Don't worry about the drama. It's mostly kiddie stuff. Just do what you want and the waves will settle out eventually. Actually we have been dating for six months. She decided to break up with me last friday saying that she wants to be single.
thatone Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 she doesn't know what she wants. enjoy the sex until she goes completely mental.
Author AltoidsCan Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 Don't listen to her words, listen to her actions ! If she gets jelous when you hang out with your female friends, is because she is deep down afraid to lose you (lose what ?). For whatever reason, she wants you there to have a shoulder to cry on, and to be there 'waiting for her'. Get over her. She's immature, you need someone who respects you and your time. PS: If did not mention if you two had sex so far, that is very important. Hey Mircea, I think I mentioned it already but yes we have lots of sex even until today.
so_cal_dude Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 I don't mean to hijack your thread, but a girl I've been seeing said to me four weeks ago, "You're the sweetest guy I've ever met, but at this time, I'm not ready for a serious relationship." She started talking to her ex after Halloween and she is having a hard time choosing between him and me. I know I'm not in the friend zone since we slept twice together 2weeks after she told me in the first sentence. What should I do?
Author AltoidsCan Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 Women have a hard time separating sex from love, it's one of the ways to figure out what they are feeling in a relationship. She wants you there, waiting for her. She is jelous of the other girls because they have a shot at taking you before she wants to. It's a very immature thing she is doing, and you need to make her put a stop to it. Can you please elaborate more on this? She wants you there, waiting for her. She is jelous of the other girls because they have a shot at taking you before she wants to. Are you implying that she still wants me?
LynnT Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 It sounds like she is saying one thing and doing something else. She says she wants you to move on but she's jealous when you're with other women. She says she doesn't want a relationship with you but she still sees you and even has sex with you. (I'd be skeptical about her not seeing other people because she's not acting consistent with any of the other things she's telling you) I think you should decide if you want to listen to what she's saying or go with what she's doing. She either lacks honesty or communication skills. In my opinion, she's keeping you as an option. It sounds like she's playing some games. I don't have a clue what her game is, but it sure sounds like she wants you around when it's convenient for her and not around when it's not. JMHO
Beachgirl8 Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 The bottom line is this girl is confused and not emotionally mature enough to be in a real relationship with you. The reason doesnt matter- if you allow her to behave like this without any consequence, you will remain the backburner guy indefinitely. If someone "better" comes along, she will dump you. If nobody "better" comes along, there's a chance she will settle for you. Either way, it's a bad deal for YOU. I recommend that you use your valuable time to find a new girl who is interested, not waste time with her.
Author AltoidsCan Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 (edited) It sounds like she is saying one thing and doing something else. She says she wants you to move on but she's jealous when you're with other women. She says she doesn't want a relationship with you but she still sees you and even has sex with you. (I'd be skeptical about her not seeing other people because she's not acting consistent with any of the other things she's telling you) I think you should decide if you want to listen to what she's saying or go with what she's doing. She either lacks honesty or communication skills. In my opinion, she's keeping you as an option. It sounds like she's playing some games. I don't have a clue what her game is, but it sure sounds like she wants you around when it's convenient for her and not around when it's not. JMHO To make this even more confusing, here are some of the things that she said to me: 1. I asked her if she is breaking up with me because she wants alone time or just because we are not good together. She said both 2. She asked me to do whatever I want to do as she doesnt want to hold me back. She said she doesnt want to be selfish. 3. She said she received a lot of stress during our relationship (I admit, I was constantly talking to her and took her time) and she wants to be alone so she can focus on her priorities. (work, her personal time) She said she doesnt want me to talk about this whole relationship thing because we always talk about it. 4. After all this, she still says I love you. Whats more funny is that the said she will give me a kiss no matter what when she sees me. 5. She still wants to see me and we agreed that we will see each other once a week. She seldomly texts me saying that she misses me. 6. She loves having sex with me. I want you guys to understand that I am in love with her too. I was always holding my ground when she wanted to break up because I love her soo much. She broke up with me last time because she said she doesnt love me enough compared to me. Edited November 15, 2011 by AltoidsCan
Author AltoidsCan Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 If she keeps you as a backup, do not stop using the condom. You may not be the only one hitting that. You know her better than we do. Yes and I know she won't touch other guys. I trust her.
InJest Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Just use her for the sex, while you look for another girl. It's always easier to get a girl when you're already sleeping with someone. Your confidence is naturally higher, and it will show. Have fun, you're a in a great position right now.
Author AltoidsCan Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 You know what they call ppl like you ? STD positive and parents. Trust is not given, it is earned. From the sound of things, she has yet to earn it. We both had it checked. (Last week) STD negative and not a parent.
blueskyday Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 If you want to be her exclusive boyfriend, then STOP having sex with her. She will be forced to figure out whether she wants you or not. Sounds like she is enjoying a relationship with you without the "stress" or "label" of it. Then, technically, she is free to go off with someone else when she finds someone better. But, so are you. So figure out what you want with her. If you want a relationship, don't settle for a pseudo one. Reject the situation. It might be the kindest thing to do for her to help her figure out what she wants. Personally, no guy who has ever broken up with me gets to keep enjoying "the cookies." Gotta want the whole cookie jar to get that, as in girlfriend status equals girlfriend privileges, aka sex....or in your case, boyfriend privileges.
Author AltoidsCan Posted November 16, 2011 Author Posted November 16, 2011 Hm.. I just thought she needed time alone... maybe I was wrong. This is my first serious relationship. Im not exactly sure how I can move on.
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