Rose_Petal Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 My ex broke up with me over two months ago. Our relationship of 2 years was getting really shaky after one year and then just awful in the last six months. I completly gave myself to this guy (in every sense) and would have done anything for him. He was my first boyfeind (I'm almost 18) I like to think I'm an extremly loyal person...I'll stick with something through thick and thin if I feel I hold some responsibility...as I did with my relationship. I wasn't happy with my ex in the last year, at all. However, no matter what I tried my best to work things out when I wasn't happy....In the end I ran out of patience but he made it impossible for me to brake up with him. I had attempted to do it a few times but he would break down and cry and say that he'd love me for ever and that I was the woman of his dreams...that he had waited for me his whole life. I'd cave and give in. This guy is also really attached to his parents in a immature way i think. Most times when we had a fight on the phone and I'd say that I think it would be better if we broke up, his parents would pick up the phone and convince me not to do it. This means they were always in his room, listening to our conversations. They saved his butt more then once. I don't know, but maybe I just stopped considering braking up with him and started doubting if I could even function withought him...he was attached to every part of my life from work to activites, etc. I felt trapped, I guess. I hope this explains why I never had the guts to brake up with him...I'm not usualy needy so I don't know why I hesitated. Anyway, his parents eventually started being pretty nasty with me. Last year I had an uncle who died...he was murdered. I was devasted and two months after the incident his parents basicly told me I should be over it and that I was the cause for all of their stress :S The week before he broke up with me his dad told him that I had ruined their family...They usually blamed my ex for that and now all of a sudden it was all my fault...My ex had major issues with his parents and after that incident I told him to go home and deal with his parents because I wasn't putting up with it anymore. I had been polite the whole time with them and I knew I couldn't hold it in much longer. So yeah after going back home he broke up with me a week later...I don't know why his parents didn't like me. I always tried my best and I could never please them... when I got emotional they said I was weak andwhen I stood up for myself I was being controlling...(they always stuck their noses in our fights, Mind you my ex would go running to them so it was hard not too). He loved making our fights public and that would aggravate me, therefore making me even more angry. I am a very aventurous person and have been told I have a strong personality...I am not the perfect little silent, "I'll follow you" girl. I am very independant and will try new things all the time. No matter what I do I deticate myself to it and put my whole heart into what I do. I am very ambitious and will fo things many ppl wouldn't expect of a 4 foot 10 inch girl (no laughing ). He seemed to love that about me at first but I felt like it became a fault in his eyes. He started saying I tried activities that we both liked only to be better then him at everything. I'm usually pretty good at anything I try but only because I'm determined and love a challenge. He said I always wanted to make him feel inferior by giving him "lectures" (he got bullied a lot and I was trying to give him solutions about what to do) and by trying things he tried...my goal was never to be better but to try my very best at everything I did. I'm sorry if it made him feel inferior. I just didnt know how to make him feel good about himself withought pretending to be something other then what I was. So I started not getting involved in certain activities we both had an interest in and then he'd get mad at me, telling me I was pretending to be something I wasn't cuz he knew I wanted to try Anyway, to get to the point I started losing patience at the end of our relationship and would get mad at any little thing. I was tiered of him telling me he was the guy so he was the boss type of thing. It wasn't him. I swore at him though I don't usually swear and I guess I did get nasty with him...I feel bad for it but I'd like to think that that behaviour didn't represent who I was. I did genuinly care for him since he was a huge part of my life so I dont understand why i started acting like the way I hate seing ppl act towards other people. I would roll my eyes when I saw girls freak out at their boyfriend and now i feel like one of them. I know he did wrong things too but I felt I should have been in more control of my emotions...Now my ex has been telling everyone I'm a controlling bitch and always wanted to be right but i do not feel that way. It wasn't my intention...I just wish he would blabing about me because it hurts and I'm starting to doubt myself a lot...I thought I was a good perosn. Has anyone been in this situation? Where they feel like they lose all control and don't know why? Does this mean I'm really controlling and bossy and awful ? I feel like I deserve to be locked away because I'll never be good enough and can't forgive myself for acting out like I did...don't get me wrong he acted out too but I don't see it as a fault in him...just in me. Why did I do this though it's not me?
ChelseaLS Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Wow.. Do not doubt yourself or your decision. This guy sounds like incredibly immature (having his parents beg you to not break up), and incredibly insecure (wanting to beat you at everything). You're ex smother the relationship and whatever was there. He did everything you did. He was always there.. not wonder you felt trapped. Something I am learning is how important it is to have your own separate lives within a relationship. As for you acting out this I would assume would only be natural... you weren't happy and him and his parents would pathetically (especially his parents) beg you back. Then they acted out towards you (sorry for the loss of your Uncle, we all take different amounts of time to heal... please ignore his rude, miserable parents). They are so far out of line and so is your ex. He needs to mature before he can have a real meaningful relationship. Stand tall and confident (like the person you were before you two got together) and ignore his immature comments about you. Anyone who knows you will know its not true, and not retaliating will re-enforce that.
Author Rose_Petal Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 Wow.. Do not doubt yourself or your decision. This guy sounds like incredibly immature (having his parents beg you to not break up), and incredibly insecure (wanting to beat you at everything). You're ex smother the relationship and whatever was there. He did everything you did. He was always there.. not wonder you felt trapped. Something I am learning is how important it is to have your own separate lives within a relationship. As for you acting out this I would assume would only be natural... you weren't happy and him and his parents would pathetically (especially his parents) beg you back. Then they acted out towards you (sorry for the loss of your Uncle, we all take different amounts of time to heal... please ignore his rude, miserable parents). They are so far out of line and so is your ex. He needs to mature before he can have a real meaningful relationship. Stand tall and confident (like the person you were before you two got together) and ignore his immature comments about you. Anyone who knows you will know its not true, and not retaliating will re-enforce that. THanks...but unfortunatly what he's saying about me acting out is true...so i can't deny that :S I feel like I deserve people thinking I'm controlling and stuff because that's how I sort of feel. Yeah losing my uncle was hard...it was the first time I had ever seen my mother cry and on top of dealing with the loss they're was also the whole dealing with detectives, lawyers, the court, etc. Today is actually exacly a year since we lost him...lol sry getting off topic. Anyway I hope the guilt will subside...I feel like i failed because I wasn't able to keep the relationship running. I felt like I failed him and that's why he dumped me. Maybe this soudsn silly but my emotions and logic are not coinciding right now lol
jakeyrogers Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Hey. I used to be in your spot. My girlfriend left me for another man and I was alone and depressed. One day I was browsing the web and I found this site- http://tips2getyourexback.blogspot.com/. Thanks to the free tips that site provided me and my girl are back together and happier than ever. They also have a really cool free newsletter that was great! Hey, it worked for me, maybe it can work for you too. Good luck
ChelseaLS Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 THanks...but unfortunatly what he's saying about me acting out is true...so i can't deny that :S I feel like I deserve people thinking I'm controlling and stuff because that's how I sort of feel. Yeah losing my uncle was hard...it was the first time I had ever seen my mother cry and on top of dealing with the loss they're was also the whole dealing with detectives, lawyers, the court, etc. Today is actually exacly a year since we lost him...lol sry getting off topic. Anyway I hope the guilt will subside...I feel like i failed because I wasn't able to keep the relationship running. I felt like I failed him and that's why he dumped me. Maybe this soudsn silly but my emotions and logic are not coinciding right now lol Oh I never said that you didn't act out, merely that it would be understood if not expected that someone in that situation would act out. I would loose my **** if my ex's parents called and begged me to stay, or where rude and harsh with a family members passing. A relationship takes two, so please don't feel like you failed the relationship. He needs to man up and try as well (without his parents interference). From the sounds of it he couldn't hack it. Sounds like he couldn't handle the bruise to his ego of you dumping him, so he dumped you. He isn't emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship. Take this as a learning experience as to what you want and don't want in your next relationship.
Author Rose_Petal Posted November 16, 2011 Author Posted November 16, 2011 Hey. I used to be in your spot. My girlfriend left me for another man and I was alone and depressed. One day I was browsing the web and I found this site- http://tips2getyourexback.blogspot.com/. Thanks to the free tips that site provided me and my girl are back together and happier than ever. They also have a really cool free newsletter that was great! Hey, it worked for me, maybe it can work for you too. Good luck Umm...as much as I apreciate this, the last thing I want to happen isfor us to get back together...first of all he doesn't want to be with me. Thats why he left me and I'd feel like hoping he might want me once again will slow down my healing process...I've been through the whole "hope" phase and it's just no worth it. Secondly, I don't want to be with him either...I admit it would feel good to have him come back to me and ask me to get back together (it would prove he doesn't hate me and that I haven't done anything unforgivable), but I would turn him down. Like I said, I wanted the relationship to end but just didn't have to guts to break up with him. ALso, I will not accept his parent's treatment. I don't deserve to be held responsible for all of their stress and issues. I know for a fact they had huge issues and problems before I came into the picture because my ex tried to suicide himself with alcohool poisining before we started going out together (I know, should have been a red flag)....he told me it was because things were that awful with his family. And last, he already has a new girlfriend. Quite clearly, I wasn't hard to replace...he started dating her a few weeks after he dumped me. I obviously don't mean anything to him. Anyway I'm just not for the whole "get your ex back" deal...I'm sure in some cases it's ok (such as yours) but I think it's generally something dumpees should stay away from. I think...
ChelseaLS Posted November 16, 2011 Posted November 16, 2011 Umm...as much as I apreciate this, the last thing I want to happen isfor us to get back together...first of all he doesn't want to be with me. Thats why he left me and I'd feel like hoping he might want me once again will slow down my healing process...I've been through the whole "hope" phase and it's just no worth it. Secondly, I don't want to be with him either...I admit it would feel good to have him come back to me and ask me to get back together (it would prove he doesn't hate me and that I haven't done anything unforgivable), but I would turn him down. Like I said, I wanted the relationship to end but just didn't have to guts to break up with him. ALso, I will not accept his parent's treatment. I don't deserve to be held responsible for all of their stress and issues. I know for a fact they had huge issues and problems before I came into the picture because my ex tried to suicide himself with alcohool poisining before we started going out together (I know, should have been a red flag)....he told me it was because things were that awful with his family. And last, he already has a new girlfriend. Quite clearly, I wasn't hard to replace...he started dating her a few weeks after he dumped me. I obviously don't mean anything to him. Anyway I'm just not for the whole "get your ex back" deal...I'm sure in some cases it's ok (such as yours) but I think it's generally something dumpees should stay away from. I think... Umm again.. no one said you wanted to get back together... all i said was supportive... as in it takes two and he should have tried instead of getting his family involved. And your last post "he doesn't want to be with me" ... you made a huge flip from your first post. So this just tells me you are immature. Good luck
Author Rose_Petal Posted November 16, 2011 Author Posted November 16, 2011 Umm again.. no one said you wanted to get back together... all i said was supportive... as in it takes two and he should have tried instead of getting his family involved. And your last post "he doesn't want to be with me" ... you made a huge flip from your first post. So this just tells me you are immature. Good luck ? I wasen't answering your last post I didn't say you said we should get back together...I'm a little confused. And what I mean by "he doesn't want to be with me" is that I should accept that since he broke up with me because he's not interested in being with me...for whatever reason it was I think it's healthier if I look at it that when then just hoping he might want to come back with me. He acted like he wanted to be with me when we were together but if he broke up, then he really doesn't, no matter what his reason was, even if it was to save his ego. Again, I'm a little confused because I didn't mention anywhere that he still wanted to be with me after the break up. I don't understand...and why am I immature :S
Author Rose_Petal Posted November 16, 2011 Author Posted November 16, 2011 ? I wasen't answering your last post I didn't say you said we should get back together...I'm a little confused. And what I mean by "he doesn't want to be with me" is that I should accept that since he broke up with me because he's not interested in being with me...for whatever reason it was I think it's healthier if I look at it that when then just hoping he might want to come back with me. He acted like he wanted to be with me when we were together but if he broke up, then he really doesn't, no matter what his reason was, even if it was to save his ego. Again, I'm a little confused because I didn't mention anywhere that he still wanted to be with me after the break up. I don't understand...and why am I immature :S I was answering jakeyrogers's post
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