Universe Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Has anyone here ever been in a LTR with someone who has GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)?? We've been together for over 12 years. At first we didn't know she had a disorder. But eventually, it started becoming such a big problem for the relationship that we sought couples therapy. Our therapist says she has GAD. But my GF stopped seeing the therapist months ago. I continue to go to therapy alone as I have issues of my own (codependency, depression, etc.) But her anxiety is getting worse and worse. It's taken so much of her time and energy - it's so constant - that now I fear that she's become a different person. The person I've loved for 12 years has been gradually eaten away by this disorder. It's been extremely hard on me and I'm worn out. I don't know if I can stay in this relationship much longer if her condition doesn't improve. But I love her deep down. She was my everything for 12 years. We were never officially married - but we were married in our minds. I never said the vows. I never promised to love her in sickness and in health. But I would have. I believed that I would stand by her through anything. It feels so wrong to be contemplating leaving her now. When you love someone, you're not supposed to leave when the going gets tough. But this has been so tough. It's destroying the love I have for her. I'm losing it. It's not entirely her fault - I have pretty bad codependency issues. I've probably been an enabler for her. I always talk her off the ledge - so to speak. I've always felt as though it was my fault that she was anxious. I always felt that if I made more money - or had a more stable lifestyle, that she wouldn't have to worry so much. But now I know that it has nothing to do with me. There's nothing I can do to help her. Has anyone here been in a situation like this? I want to do right by her. I'll never love anyone the way I've loved her. But I can't live in this misery forever. What is the spouse/SO of someone who suffers from GAD supposed to do?
D-Lish Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I have GAD. As far back as I can remember, I've experienced anxiety. It's an awful disorder, because it doesn't just effect your mind, but your body as well. When I'm not on meds, my body functions like a raging furnace of fear. Normal people might experience that sort of fear when they're momentarily spooked, but people with GAD live on that level constantly. I'm fine on my meds, I feel like a normal person, and I function like a normal person. Is your partner on meds? If she is, she should explore alternative meds if they aren't helping- if she's not, she needs to explore some sort of help.... Be it coping techniques or medication if her and her Dr. deem that an appropriate path to take. Unfortunately you can't help someone that isn't willing to help themself. That's only going to leave you frustrated and exhausted. If your partner doesn't want to seek help, that leaves you in the position of caregiver rather than partner. That's a very unhealthy existence for both of you. Sounds like you have issues of your own to work through, it's hard for you to work on what ails you when you're trying to "fix" someone else. I think you have to focus on YOU, worry about yourself for a change.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 GAD--anxiety which has no rational social cause is caused by a physical chemical problem in the brain. It's not some amorphous "chemical imbalance" but is very often a problem with the GABA system. The brain more or less floats in a soup called gaba-amino butyric acid which is critical in helping transmission of nutrients and by-products between cells. I'm "dumbing this down" to get it across and an expert would probably yell at me for saying it that way, but what happens when there is a GABA shortage is that chemical by-products--specifically "chlorine" get trapped and cause a panic-like feeling of general anxiety. I know this because I caused a GABA problem in myself by taking GABA supplements which are sold over the counter as a "natural tranquilizer". While I felt the mild tranquilizing effect that was claimed, what happened was that the artificially introduced GABA caused my natural production to slow down. When I stopped taking the GABA supplement, I had GAD for the first time in my life and couldn't sleep without a panic attack waking me up. I only learned all this after turning to Xanax and getting addicted to anti-anxiety but addictive sedatives. I realized that I had brought on my own GAD by depressing my ability to produce GABA and then if I took GABA supplements it would only last a short time and I'd be in GAD panic again. What eventually helped me get back to "normal" was a combination of Neurontin (which is generically called "gabapentin" and effects the GABA system) and Buspar--a non addicting anti-anxiety med. And it took months. Be very wary of amino acid and herbal supplements if your partner is taking anything like that. The brain and GABA system can be very fragile and it possible to screw up your own chmistry with preparations touted as "tranquilizers" or natural anti-depressants. If she has taken any of these things, I'd be happy to talk about it more because there is hope. I don't know what one does if he or she has a natural shortfall of GABA that is not made so artificially, but I guaranty that this chemical is involved in GAD and any remedy should take knowledge into account. Neurontin may boost the GABA system without depressing the natural production--it's worth exploring. But believe it or not, a lot of doctors don't have expertise in this and unregulated supplements are poison that are not in their play books.
Author Universe Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 My GF started taking a Celexa about six months ago and it helped a great deal. But she kept forgetting to take it regularly and eventually got off it all together. It didn't take long for her anxiety to come back in full force. Then she got a new job that's been very stressful for her. She used to be chronically anxious, but would regularly have some days/moments of normalcy. But ever since she started this job 3 months ago, she has not been ok at all. It's been a nightmare. She did finally start taking the Celexa again two days ago. But it hasn't really kicked in yet. She's also going to come with me to a therapy session tomorrow. So I'm hoping that this will help. But we've been down this road before and she always gets off track - forgets to take her meds, stops therapy, etc. I'm trying really hard to work on my issues and focus on myself. But it's really hard. I have a really hard time with letting the feelings of those around me determine how I feel. And when I'm able to disconnect my feelings from others, I feel isolated and depressed. On the few occurrences that my GF does get out of the fog of her anxiety, I'm often in a tailspin of depression and feel too disconnected to stay positive. Then she gets anxious about my emotional state. Our relationship has been through so much. 12 years is a long time. I want to be in love with her the way I used to be. I want to feel that way about our relationship again. But nothing feels good any more. We're going to be traveling a long distance together to visit her family for Thanksgiving. At this point I'm not looking forward to it and considering maybe just staying home. But I want us to be close again. And separating for the holidays makes us feel so far apart. But then, if the trip goes bad, then that could be even worse.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 My GF started taking a Celexa about six months ago and it helped a great deal. But she kept forgetting to take it regularly and eventually got off it all together. It didn't take long for her anxiety to come back in full force. Then she got a new job that's been very stressful for her. She used to be chronically anxious, but would regularly have some days/moments of normalcy. But ever since she started this job 3 months ago, she has not been ok at all. It's been a nightmare. She did finally start taking the Celexa again two days ago. But it hasn't really kicked in yet. She's also going to come with me to a therapy session tomorrow. So I'm hoping that this will help. But we've been down this road before and she always gets off track - forgets to take her meds, stops therapy, etc. I'm trying really hard to work on my issues and focus on myself. But it's really hard. I have a really hard time with letting the feelings of those around me determine how I feel. And when I'm able to disconnect my feelings from others, I feel isolated and depressed. On the few occurrences that my GF does get out of the fog of her anxiety, I'm often in a tailspin of depression and feel too disconnected to stay positive. Then she gets anxious about my emotional state. Our relationship has been through so much. 12 years is a long time. I want to be in love with her the way I used to be. I want to feel that way about our relationship again. But nothing feels good any more. We're going to be traveling a long distance together to visit her family for Thanksgiving. At this point I'm not looking forward to it and considering maybe just staying home. But I want us to be close again. And separating for the holidays makes us feel so far apart. But then, if the trip goes bad, then that could be even worse. I recommend Googling GABA and educating yourself on the physiology. Skip all the ads and reviews fro supplements and try to get an understanding of that process. Your g/f may benefit from the addition of Neurontin to her Celexa regimen. It can't hurt and could help. A lot of doctors prescribe it for general "nerve" over-activity which people experience as non-specific pain. But it also helps boost the gaba-aminobutyric acid system in the brain which can greatly lessen pain attacks and general anxiety disorder. It has no feeling so it's not a doping drug and is non-addictive. If it doesn't work, it will just be invisible. If it works, you'll be on to something that could really work in the long term. Good luck.
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Has anyone here ever been in a LTR with someone who has GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)?? We've been together for over 12 years. At first we didn't know she had a disorder. But eventually, it started becoming such a big problem for the relationship that we sought couples therapy. Our therapist says she has GAD. But my GF stopped seeing the therapist months ago. I continue to go to therapy alone as I have issues of my own (codependency, depression, etc.) But her anxiety is getting worse and worse. It's taken so much of her time and energy - it's so constant - that now I fear that she's become a different person. The person I've loved for 12 years has been gradually eaten away by this disorder. It's been extremely hard on me and I'm worn out. I don't know if I can stay in this relationship much longer if her condition doesn't improve. But I love her deep down. She was my everything for 12 years. We were never officially married - but we were married in our minds. I never said the vows. I never promised to love her in sickness and in health. But I would have. I believed that I would stand by her through anything. It feels so wrong to be contemplating leaving her now. When you love someone, you're not supposed to leave when the going gets tough. But this has been so tough. It's destroying the love I have for her. I'm losing it. It's not entirely her fault - I have pretty bad codependency issues. I've probably been an enabler for her. I always talk her off the ledge - so to speak. I've always felt as though it was my fault that she was anxious. I always felt that if I made more money - or had a more stable lifestyle, that she wouldn't have to worry so much. But now I know that it has nothing to do with me. There's nothing I can do to help her. Has anyone here been in a situation like this? I want to do right by her. I'll never love anyone the way I've loved her. But I can't live in this misery forever. What is the spouse/SO of someone who suffers from GAD supposed to do? She HAS to go back to do counselling. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Talk to her family, friends, those whom she's closest to and get her as much support as possible. You can't be the only one to be there for her, as you are experiencing her draining you and causing other issues in your relationship. Do NOT blame yourself, her anxiety isn't your fault. She has things she has to face and CBT will help her cope with this stuff as well as teach her how to understand anxiety, fight it, control it, learn how to live again. Her life is a bubble and that bubble is getting smaller and smaller, so she has to do the CBT to unlearn 'learned behaviour' meaning, avoidance (people, places, situations), becoming agrophobic .. All can change by doing CBT and learning to control her anxiety and not be scared of it, not let it take over. I am living proof that anxiety can be controlled. I will always have bouts of it, it'll never go away forever but I'm not scared of it anymore and with the help of CBT, (and love/support from my husband, family and close friends/neighbours) I worked through it all and am much MUCH better than I used to be. What one puts into therapy is what one gets out of it. Don't give up on her. You love her, she may not be your wife (vows) but in some sense she is. You two have been together for a long time and legally are common law. That's kind of married in my eyes. Check out the site depressionfallout, there's a lot of helpful information on there.
Recommended Posts