justagirrl Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Hey LS, So I've been seeing this guy since September of this year. I really like him, and I'm positive he likes me too because we see each other a lot and even though he has a pretty busy schedule, he makes time to see me. I sleep over sometimes, he's made me dinner before, we enjoy the same shows...just overall we have a lot of fun together and I really enjoy spending time with him. He's a college football player at the school we go to, so he's busy with that a lot, but it seems like whenever he's not in class or playing football, he's with me. & I totally understand how college guys love their video games...he got a new game and I let him know that it didn't bother me if he played it with the guys for a few hours, I don't want him to feel like he can't have a social life anymore just because he's seeing me. I wanna do things too so at least he doesn't feel "smothered" ....no guy likes that. & he definitely appreciated that. So basically this is where I'm at. I want a relationship with him. It already feels like we're in one...there's just no "title". We've briefly talked about relationships before and he said he had a girlfriend for a month but said it was a mistake and not "legit?" ...idk I'm assuming that meant she wasn't as committed as he was. I want to ask him if he's interested in being in a relationship with me, but I'm very scared to do this. Should I do it, and if so...how? Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it...I know I always write a lot ;p
insertnamehere Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 I had a couple of these in college (I'm a guy). I don't see what necessitates defining it overtly. Does he seem to act like he's in a relationship? I mean, is he flirting with other chicks still or is he good with things? The video game thing . . . roll him for bed sores. I had a friend in college who was like that and that's what we used to tell his GF and eventual wife.
ErgoStep Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 I want to ask him if he's interested in being in a relationship with me, but I'm very scared to do this. Should I do it, and if so...how? You're basically being the perfect girlfriend. Keep that up and you're all set. If you want to give him a little nudge, next time you're at an event with him, introduce him to someone as your boyfriend. Just assume it's there. Say the word in front of him casually. No need to get all stressed out about it.
Pierre Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Hey LS, So I've been seeing this guy since September of this year. I really like him, and I'm positive he likes me too because we see each other a lot and even though he has a pretty busy schedule, he makes time to see me. I sleep over sometimes, he's made me dinner before, we enjoy the same shows...just overall we have a lot of fun together and I really enjoy spending time with him. He's a college football player at the school we go to, so he's busy with that a lot, but it seems like whenever he's not in class or playing football, he's with me. & I totally understand how college guys love their video games...he got a new game and I let him know that it didn't bother me if he played it with the guys for a few hours, I don't want him to feel like he can't have a social life anymore just because he's seeing me. I wanna do things too so at least he doesn't feel "smothered" ....no guy likes that. & he definitely appreciated that. So basically this is where I'm at. I want a relationship with him. It already feels like we're in one...there's just no "title". We've briefly talked about relationships before and he said he had a girlfriend for a month but said it was a mistake and not "legit?" ...idk I'm assuming that meant she wasn't as committed as he was. I want to ask him if he's interested in being in a relationship with me, but I'm very scared to do this. Should I do it, and if so...how? Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it...I know I always write a lot ;p OP: You are his woman. I think he should call you a GF. Why don't you ask him?
Author justagirrl Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 I've never had to bring that up before with a guy! Idk how to say it or when to bring it up! We were texting last night and he asked if I want to get ice cream with him later on today and then watch Tosh.0 (we love that show) lol I guess sometime today, when I can find the right moment, bring it up? I just don't know what to say
Pierre Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 I've never had to bring that up before with a guy! Idk how to say it or when to bring it up! We were texting last night and he asked if I want to get ice cream with him later on today and then watch Tosh.0 (we love that show) lol I guess sometime today, when I can find the right moment, bring it up? I just don't know what to say Why are so many people afraid to say ILY or I want you to be my GF (or BF)? You are having a monogamous relationship with this man and I assume you have feelings for him. Are you a friend with benefits? Are you a booty call? Are you seeing other men? Is he seeing other women? How do you see yourself in this relationship? BTW, your interaction with this guy is a relationship.
O'Malley Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 "I want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend in a monogamous relationship. Do you agree?" Anything other than 'yes' can be construed as him wanting girlfriend benefits (your affection, attention, sex) without having the obligation to close his options or publicize your relationship to outsiders. Being dismissive of or vague about a gf/bf label is an attempt to avoid the responsibilities that such a label implies.
Author justagirrl Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 "I want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend in a monogamous relationship. Do you agree?" Anything other than 'yes' can be construed as him wanting girlfriend benefits (your affection, attention, sex) without having the obligation to close his options or publicize your relationship to outsiders. Being dismissive of or vague about a gf/bf label is an attempt to avoid the responsibilities that such a label implies. I'm more uncomfortable than afraid...I just feel like the guy is supposed to be the one who establishes the relationship title, no? I'm not seeing other men and he's not seeing other women... I'm seeing him in a few hours, I just don't want to be awkward. I've thought about bringing it up the last time I was with him...we were watching a funny movie and I just couldn't find the right time to bring it up! I don't want to seem pushy...but he has to know it's on my mind and I'm sure it's on his too. I just wouldn't think he's waiting for me to establish it =/
O'Malley Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 (edited) I'm more uncomfortable than afraid...I just feel like the guy is supposed to be the one who establishes the relationship title, no? You may have a more traditional mindset than me (I was fine with initiating with my long term boyfriend), and there's nothing wrong with that, except that you are as yet uncertain that you are in a traditional bf/gf relationship. It's better to find out now, rather than invest further feelings in this situation and discover farther down the line that he wasn't compatible with your needs. It may be that he already considers that you are bf/gf and hasn't expressed that well to you, or it may be that he's not interested in a committed relationship. Only he can tell you what his perspective is, and after two months, it's not being pushy to ask for clarification about his feelings and determine if this relationship is right for you. I would just bring it up casually when you're spending time together. Edited November 15, 2011 by O'Malley
Author justagirrl Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 Yeah that's true, I guess there's nothing wrong with me initiating it. Wish me luck
ErgoStep Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 I'm more uncomfortable than afraid...I just feel like the guy is supposed to be the one who establishes the relationship title, no? It is a matter of social power. The man likes to feel like the powerful one. The woman is usually the more socially adept one, and allows him to feel powerful. In this situation I think it is very healthy for you to flex your muscles a little, and establish that you are a couple with him.
snug.bunny Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 If his feelings are mutual, then he won't have an objection to it. Think of it in terms of mutual interest, I.e when a man is interested in a woman, he asks her out/approaches her, if she reciprocates, she is interested. So, you both had a mutual interest in dating eachother and have grown interested in progressing things on a deeper level. That generally includes talking about "feelings" and sharing those feelings. This is kind of where you're at now and it sounds like you want to explore it further, which will require some feedback on his end. How the relationship progresses at which point, is reliant upon where he is emotionally, with you/towards you.
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