Giving out a business card as a form for asking for a date

[mtber75]

"I'm flattered, but not interested. Thank you though for being man enough to ask!"

 

A guy who crop dusts the ladies with business cards and is so afraid of rejection that he can't even ask women he's sincerely interested in for their number isn't someone I'd ever be interested in dating. Dropping business cards is cowardly and also player-like.

 

I'm also surmising that doing this hasn't been working for the OP, hence why he's asking about it.

 

Its a good point about viewing business card as a little oily...Actually I rarely call if I get a business card myself and I'm a guy! I don't randomly give out my business cards to women. I'm pretty careful (I talk to them for a while) and do make it clear that I'm interested in them as a romantic partner. I'm just not that forward when it comes to women...Maybe I should be? So I should ask them for their private numbers even if I know that will put them on the spot?

[Nexus One]

Nexus.. it isn't your opinion that counts in this case, it is people like SG who are your target audience, that is whose opinions of the cards really matter..

 

You can disagree with SG all you want but in the end it is a woman who would be on the receiving end of a card.. have you read the thread and looked at how you will look when you do give out that card ?

 

Well you have a good point there, but from my perspective if a card with contact details on it is what turns off a woman, then isn't that kind of shallow? A woman that turns off on that makes all sorts of assumptions about the guy. So perhaps it's even a blessing that those women turn off on it, because who knows, in the future I might very well be at the receiving end of those assumptions.

 

And besides, so many women have so many opinions on things regarding men, people have so many little rules and turn-offs. I can account for a lot of things, but I cannot account for EVERY opinion, for EVERY turn-off. In this case I have to weigh practicality versus the way it comes across when passing such a card.

 

Granted, the majority of women in this thread thinks it's a turn-off of some kind, point taken. However for example, I've spent a fair amount of time at public transit hubs and people are on the move there all the time. I've had it happen once that a girl hit on me while I was getting off a bus, what was I supposed to do, what could I have done? I thought she was attractive, but the bus had to drive on and I had get out and it wasn't her stop. In that situation for example I could have given her a card. I've had similar stuff like that happen multiple times.

 

You guys have me doubting now though, but if there is no other way than to pass a card, due to things like time constraints or whatever, then I'll probably pass off a card. If there IS enough time, well then that's something I might leave out or do at the very last minute if I don't have pen and paper at hand and she isn't reaching for a phone.

 

Besides, even if a woman would turn off on it, people are looking for love. She'll have that card and just might change her mind and call.

[Disillusioned]

It sounds like a pretty dumb thing to do nowadays, but in the future... who can know?

 

Screening dates to find out how serious they are is becoming more and more like a job interview anyways.

 

Don't feel put off if that roaster you meet whips out her laundry list and a pencil and starts grilling you. THIS IS LIFE.

[norajane]

I do a lot of socializing in professional settings, like industry events or conferences or just large meetings (both internal to my company and external). Business cards are a natural way of exchanging contact info for dating purposes in those settings. Everybody does it. However, usually, it is an exchange of cards and the guy follows up with a call if he wants to ask a woman out and can't do it in that particular meeting/conference/setting for some reason.

 

Using cards when you meet a person in a purely social setting having nothing to do with business...is probably fine since that is where your contact info is. I would much rather give out my card to someone I don't know and have them email me at work, until I get to know them better and am willing to give out personal info.

 

I'm not sure why everyone is hating on the cards. Maybe my environment/social group is different - I'm in my 40's.

[blueskyday]

I like it when a guy asks me for my number. It's less confusing. A business card could mean he wants to sell me insurance or a car or whatever. Networking happens. I wouldn't want to make the mistake of assuming anything.

 

But, I just had a cute guy hand me his business card after we we were chatting each other up in the grocery store. He was rushing out the door and I didn't have my phone or business cards with me, or I would have handed him one.

 

So, I texted him the next day with my contact details and said how fun it was to meet him and talk with him. We've been in contact, but no date yet. It's clear, however, that the intention is there, and it's not just a business thing. We shall see.

 

I am usually the one handing out my card to a guy. He either asks for it, or I hand him one myself if I enjoy talking with him. It seems an easy way to gauge further interest, or at least provide an opportunity for continued conversation.

 

If one party is rejected, then the other can play it off as friendship or business contact.

 

A guy can save a bit of face, and I'm all for that. It's not easy for you guys!

[Nexus One]

It sounds like a pretty dumb thing to do nowadays, but in the future... who can know?

 

Screening dates to find out how serious they are is becoming more and more like a job interview anyways.

 

Don't feel put off if that roaster you meet whips out her laundry list and a pencil and starts grilling you. THIS IS LIFE.

 

I don't remember who it was on this forum or where I heard it, but there was this guy who tried speed dating and a woman asked him to fill out an income form.

 

That would probably offend most guys, but there would be a small percentage of men that would accept it.

 

I'd probably jokingly fill out the form and fill out an outrageous yet believable amount of money as my income.

I'd admit at the end of the dating session I lied on the form and would tell her I actually work 14 hours a week at Chinese dry cleaning sweatshop, folding shirts against minimum wage, bitching about how f*cking hot it is in that unventilated place with no air conditioning.

Edited November 15, 2011 by Nexus One

[blueskyday]

I do always give a reason for handing out the card or for continuing the conversation.

 

I met a guy in the bookstore. We talked for a while, looked at books, and discussed the book he was buying.

 

I told him I'd like to know what he thought of that book after he read it. Then I handed him my card and told him to give me a call. We ended up dating for a year.

 

I also met a guy in Starbucks. He came over and sat down at my table, asking about the book I was reading. We got into a discussion about things, and he invited me to join up with a group he was involved with. So, we exchanged numbers and put them in our phones.

 

The focus can be on making new friends, which he is now. There are so many ways to connect. Just create a reason to talk again, even if it's just to continue the conversation you are already having but you have to leave right now.

 

Easy.

[blueskyday]

What a nightmare! Please guys, don't ever give out that info to a woman. How rude to ask!

 

I would never ask a guy to fill out an income sheet, but I would date a smart a$$ who filled out a fake one with outrageous info. I like non-conformists!

 

But, at least the white coat women showed their true colors as undateable women!

[FitChick]

Business cards aside, if I am asked out by someone I don't fancy, I tell him, "Sorry, but I'm not available." I think that it's less personal so less hurtful than "I'm not interested."

[2sure]

A lot of men do this. More and more all the time. Every time I come home from an event , social or professional I have business cards. Most with a # or note hand written on them.

 

I dont mind iat all, but I never use them unless we have direct business together. I know that this is an easy way out for a man to gauge my interest without taking a risk. I get it. I have no problem with it. But I do not respond to it. Not because I wont take the initiative and call a man Im interested in...but because I have no interest in a man that didnt have the juice to come right out and say, at least:

 

I've enjoyed meeting you. I'd love to take you to dinner. Here is my card, can I call you?

 

I like risk takers, I guess.

[blueskyday]

Yeah, I agree. I never say that "I'm not interested," either.

 

I simply say "I'm seeing someone, but thank you. I'm flattered."

 

Sometimes I might only be seeing myself in the mirror, but I would never shoot down a guy who has the guts to put himself out there like that.

[blueskyday]

Good point. If a guy hands you his card, he should say he would like to get together.

[2sure]

.....but I would never shoot down a guy who has the guts to put himself out there like that.

 

Exactly. And that says a lot about woman.

[babyygirllhi]

I have the habit of meeting women (that I'm interested in) in non social settings like work or gym. So I often hand them my business card (write down my personal phone #). What do you ladies think about this? Like I said I meet these women in a professional environment so I don't want to directly ask directly ask for their number?

 

Any input is greatly appreciated!

 

I dislike it. I wouldnt call. First, it seems like you are too into yourself.. just showing too much info (first and last name, what u do, etc.)

 

second, YOU call me. not vise versa.

 

Does it work for u?

[O'Malley]

I do a lot of socializing in professional settings, like industry events or conferences or just large meetings (both internal to my company and external). Business cards are a natural way of exchanging contact info for dating purposes in those settings. Everybody does it. However, usually, it is an exchange of cards and the guy follows up with a call if he wants to ask a woman out and can't do it in that particular meeting/conference/setting for some reason.

 

Using cards when you meet a person in a purely social setting having nothing to do with business...is probably fine since that is where your contact info is. I would much rather give out my card to someone I don't know and have them email me at work, until I get to know them better and am willing to give out personal info.

 

 

I don't see the big deal either. I'd be more comfortable getting the guy's info and contacting him, rather than giving out mine initially, but I know plenty of women who feel differently.

 

I'd say to have a good verbal approach besides the card, along the lines of the guy in D-Lish's post. Something that makes it crystal clear that you're not networking or crop dusting (good term!) I'd reserve it more for those environments when you have a very limited time frame for conversation and the likelihood that you wouldn't encounter that person again. Cold approaches are sometimes going to work and often won't.

[D-Lish]

No, I wouldn't.

 

Dropping a business card isn't really an approach either. HE is interested but doing that is like flipping the script and him saying, "If you're interested in me, reach out to me and ask ME out." But guess what? That's not how it works. If YOU are interested in ME, YOU need to ask ME out. Not basically ask me to ask you out.

 

And what's all this nonsense about fearing rejection?? Life is ALL ABOUT taking chances. And if a guy can't handle getting turned down by a stranger, then he's clearly so weak that he could never handle a relationship.

 

And yes... Every time I've experienced this, the guy has been smarmy and oily and just... Ew.

 

Lol, I've only seen a guy do this once- and he was a good guy, it was my friend that was crazy, and he found this out soon enough.

 

I hate rejecting people (that's my weakness)- so I wouldn't mind if someone approached me with a card and left the ball in my court.

 

That way, if I'm not interested, I can just choose not to call instead of having to say "I'm not interested".

 

I don't get "the cold approach" at all, so even the business card approach would be fine with me.

 

The guy that did it to my friend handled it in a good way. He just said he didn't want to interrupt our dinner, but noticed my friend and said he'd like to take her out- then left his card with her.

[El Brujo]

I don't remember who it was on this forum or where I heard it, but there was this guy who tried speed dating and a woman asked him to fill out an income form.

 

That would probably offend most guys, but there would be a small percentage of men that would accept it.

 

I'd probably jokingly fill out the form and fill out an outrageous yet believable amount of money as my income.

I'd admit at the end of the dating session I lied on the form and would tell her I actually work 14 hours a week at Chinese dry cleaning sweatshop, folding shirts against minimum wage, bitching about how f*cking hot it is in that unventilated place with no air conditioning.

 

I'm talking about a bigger picture than that.

 

Would you feel committed to forming a serious LTR with someone who doesn't like the same foods as you, doesn't agree with your political or religious views, doesn't enjoy the same hobbies as you, or lives on a totally different schedule as you?

 

If the answer is yes, you must be some kind of masochist... or VERY clueless.

[D-Lish]

I'm talking about a bigger picture than that.

 

Would you feel committed to forming a serious LTR with someone who doesn't like the same foods as you, doesn't agree with your political or religious views, doesn't enjoy the same hobbies as you, or lives on a totally different schedule as you?

 

If the answer is yes, you must be some kind of masochist... or VERY clueless.

 

Yes, I would, because there is more to compatibility than those things you listed.

 

I know many people that are in happy relationships despite being complete opposites.

 

A relationship would get boring if you were on the same wavelength regarding everything.

 

My ex and I disagreed on a great many things, and our schedules were off. We had some great discussions about politics and religion- I learned some things from him, and he learned some things from me. He also introduced me to different foods I didn't think I would like- and I did!

 

What made us compatible was our ability and desire to expand our horizons. I love learning new things, so dating someone with an opposite viewpoint on many things made our dating experience a lot richer.

 

Had both of us been rigid people opposed to change or a desire to learn new things- that might have been a deal breaker. Despite our differences, we both had an open mind- that was what made us compatible. Our differences made us intriguing to one another.

[Nexus One]

I'm talking about a bigger picture than that.

 

Would you feel committed to forming a serious LTR with someone who doesn't like the same foods as you, doesn't agree with your political or religious views, doesn't enjoy the same hobbies as you, or lives on a totally different schedule as you?

 

If the answer is yes, you must be some kind of masochist... or VERY clueless.

 

Yes I would.

 

In terms of food, she likes what she likes and I like what I like, no big deal.

Political views aren't a big deal to me either, as long as they're not so extreme that it would be an issue in the relationship. And everyone has their own hobbies.

 

A new partner can bring new things into your life and as they say, variety is the spice of life.

 

Yes, I would, because there is more to compatibility than those things you listed.

 

I know many people that are in happy relationships despite being complete opposites.

 

A relationship would get boring if you were on the same wavelength regarding everything.

 

My ex and I disagreed on a great many things, and our schedules were off. We had some great discussions about politics and religion- I learned some things from him, and he learned some things from me. He also introduced me to different foods I didn't think I would like- and I did!

 

What made us compatible was our ability and desire to expand our horizons. I love learning new things, so dating someone with an opposite viewpoint on many things made our dating experience a lot richer.

 

Had both of us been rigid people opposed to change or a desire to learn new things- that might have been a deal breaker. Despite our differences, we both had an open mind- that was what made us compatible. Our differences made us intriguing to one another.

 

I second this.