Broke up w/ her, tried to get her back, now her feelings have changed..

[miccheck1212]

Alright, here's my story. Was dating this girl for a little over a year, things overall were great aside from some arguments that could have easily been avoided (I can admit fault). Was feeling out of it and complacent and one day decided that maybe the grass was greener. Broke up with her and she had no idea it was coming. I said some pretty terrible things like I wasn't feeling passionate about us, told her I needed to figure out myself because I felt like I was having an out of body experience. She was devastated, I broke her heart.

 

Long story short, being away from her made me realize quite the opposite and now I've been trying to get her back for the past few weeks. Took her out for drinks one night, dinner another night. But it wasn't the same. She said it felt weird for her and she was confused as to what she wants. Said she felt that she loved me, but doesn't feel in love with me or want to be with me right now because of what had happened..

 

She said she needed space to miss me and get over what happened, I told her I can't just be her friend and that we have to stop talking. I'd go 3-4 days NC before emailing her and telling her how I felt about her, only to have the same conversation we had previously ultimately resulting in her rejecting me. And the cycle continues. After the our last conversation, I made it clear that if it's space she wants, she'll get it, a lot of it. She started freaking out that I'd be gone forever. Later that night, I get a text that wasn't meant to go to me, arranging a meetup with someone near her apt. I of course go nuts and curse her out essentially. She does nothing to calm me down, just tells me I'm crazy and that it's her friend (who I've met and isn't a threat).

 

Of course, a lot of people seem to think the "love you, but not in love with you" means that she's got someone else, but I really don't know in this situation. I wouldn't be surprised if she's just saying these things because of the fact that I broke up with her and had said something similar.

 

Do I just back off at this point? For how long?

[LSgirl]

I'm in your ex-girlfriend's position. My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He contacts me every once in awhile with a letter (to which I have responded to thinking he wanted to get back together) He said he still needed time and wanted to take things slowly. After that point, I told myself I had enough and was not going to let him hurt me again. Then a week later, he e-mails me again saying he's realized a lot of things and that his feelings go deeper, etc...I waited 3 days to respond. I was not about to let him think he can just jump right back in when he wants. That kind of hurt/pain that I went through being rejected from the breakup and post-breakup was awful.

 

She has every right to feel the way she does, but she may need time. I don't know her character and her emotional strength. If she's anything like me, then she may want to be with you but just can't show that kind of initation into getting back so suddenly. She's protecting herself and may be thinking twice about allowing you to ever do that to her again.

 

Tonight I'm meeting up with my ex for coffee, but I'm keeping it short and won't let him see how much hurt I am. I want him to make more of an effort to show that I'm important in his life. It may take awhile for her to come around, but she may need time. How much time? That is up to her but at least she knows how you feel now.

 

I also doubt that she's met somebody so suddenly. It's not impossible, but after being hurt I really don't think she's in any position to be wanting to date a guy or see a guy at least in the same light. Her heart is broken, as is mine. Keep showing that you care for her and be genuine about how much you've made a mistake. DON'T curse her out bc of that text, it will push her away. A few weeks is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. All I would say is to not over do it with texts/e-mails. Give her a few days to respond to things, let her make a decision when she has a clear mind. When I got the last e-mail from my ex, it was a nice e-mail but it made me angry that he kept toying with my emotions, and I did finally respond. Be patient! Keep us updated

[norajane]

I wouldn't be surprised if she's just saying these things because of the fact that I broke up with her

 

Yes, you broke her heart, and now you have all these expectations of her. Of course her feelings for you have changed! She's now seen what you are made of, you said some crappy things to her, and you just want her to forgive and forget and take you back? And then you get pissed at her for making plans to get together with someone, anyone?

 

You "broke" the relationship you had. Even if she took you back, you would never have that same kind of relationship again, the kind where the person she loved didn't dump her out of the blue and break her heart. She can't trust you right now, maybe not ever. She has no way of knowing whether your change of heart is for real or not, especially because the break-up was so sudden. Can you really even say for sure that you wouldn't do that again?

 

I don't know what you should do, but cursing her out is certainly not the way to win a girl's heart and SHOW her that you are TRUSTWORTHY.

[NordicStripes]

I am in your ex-girlfriend's position as well.

My boyfriend broke up with me after three years, he then immediately slept with someone else a couple of times (he says that's because he thought it would never be ok again between the two of us and he did that to get me off his mind. He says he really regrets it and never felt a thing for her).

Then, he realised I'm the one for him and he wants me back.

He broke my heart. I actually saw him kissing the other girl once, only a couple of days after the breakup. I moved to another country to have a new start in life. After a month, he followed me. He's been here for almost two weeks now and desperately wants us to get back together. He says he's deeply in love with me. But I'm confused...

 

After he hurt me so much, I started seeing him differently. he is no longer the amazing, loving man I thought he was. He did the thing that he knew would hurt me more than anything.

I still love him, I think. But I can't be with him now. I need space, and time to think things over. At first he tried to seduce me, kissed me, held me,... but that made things worse because I felt suffocated. Now he's trying to give ma a bit more space and I feel a bit better.

 

Give her time and space. But still let her know that you're there and you're not going to leave again. Because that's probably what she's worried about.

[jakeyrogers]

Hey. I used to be in your spot. My girlfriend left me for another man and I was alone and depressed. One day I was browsing the web and I found this site- http://tips2getyourexback.blogspot.com/.

 

Thanks to the free tips that site provided me and my girl are back together and happier than ever. They also have a really cool free newsletter that was great! Hey, it worked for me, maybe it can work for you too. Good luck

[joseph17]

Space and time is the best thing to do in your case. You have to accept the fact though that yu may never get her back. You broke the trust between you two and at that didn't even communicate that anything was worng. You basically ripped her heart out when you had her and now that she is not yours you want her to trust you. If only there was a fantasy land for that to happen but unfortunately this is reality and you broke that girls heart. Oh and acting the jealous type all of a sudden isn't going to play any good on your part. You let her go now let her miss you.