macarena Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 For those who (probably) haven't read my previous posts, I have broken up with my boyfriend last March after a 4 year reklationship and 9 months living together we still had casual sex and in the mean time he wanted to get back with me and i refused. Last september he started going out with someone else and now its been two months since they are together. He has compleetely changed his attitude with her (when compared to his attitude with me) and she has all the characteristics (and political beliefs) which he loathed. point is, during this two month relationship, he asked me for two times to have sex. I refused. Yesterday he asked me for the third time and told me he wanted to cheat on her (but oh he loves her so much he said) I think he's in a process of self denial and he's dragging me all the way through it (we are still very much friends and the way he talks to me..open and exageratingly spontaneous.....its the way everyone knows him as well....isnt the way he talks to her..sweet and kind and loving) I cant seem to break up friendhsip with him..we ve been in too many crucial times together ..hiwever i feel disrespected but that somehow its partially my fault?
betterdeal Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Your happiness is your responsibility. If you choose to continue a relationship (and yes, a friendship is a relationship) in which you feel disrespected, you will feel unhappy. Not just because you feel disrespected by him, but also because you choose to be in this situation and so feel disrespected by yourself. Assuming his current girlfriend isn't into free love, what he's doing to her isn't very nice, is it? Is he really the kind of friend you want, need or like?
RiverRunning Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Yeah, I'm not understanding why you're friends with this guy. From this post alone, we know that: 1.) He is a cheater. 2.) He's manipulative. "I'm going to cheat on her, but...I love her still, so therefore I'm still a noble guy." 3.) He knows you aren't over him and he likes having you on the backburner in case something falls through with this current girl, and you're totally falling for it. Why? You're pointing out how 'wrong' this girl is for him. How do we know? Peoples' likes and wants can change from relationship-to-relationship based on their cumulative experiences. My inkling is that you're jealous that this girl is with him. Why would you be friends with a person who treats you this way? Why would you be friends with someone who chooses to cheat on his girlfriend? How do you know he wasn't doing this sort of thing BEHIND YOUR BACK when he was dating you? You need to get yourself tested and block that loser everywhere you can. His girlfriend will have to find out he's trash herself. In the meantime, you are responsible for your happiness. You determine who disrespects you or not. And you can start respecting yourself by cutting him out of your life.
Negative Nancy Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 the right thing to do would be to tell this scumbag's girlfriend what he's doing behind her back so she can get rid of that loser. that way you can also F him again without having a guilty conscience. seriously, people like him are disgusting and should remove themselves from the gene pool.
ShannonMI Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 For those who (probably) haven't read my previous posts, I have broken up with my boyfriend last March after a 4 year reklationship and 9 months living together we still had casual sex and in the mean time he wanted to get back with me and i refused. Last september he started going out with someone else and now its been two months since they are together. He has compleetely changed his attitude with her (when compared to his attitude with me) and she has all the characteristics (and political beliefs) which he loathed. point is, during this two month relationship, he asked me for two times to have sex. I refused. Yesterday he asked me for the third time and told me he wanted to cheat on her (but oh he loves her so much he said) I think he's in a process of self denial and he's dragging me all the way through it (we are still very much friends and the way he talks to me..open and exageratingly spontaneous.....its the way everyone knows him as well....isnt the way he talks to her..sweet and kind and loving) I cant seem to break up friendhsip with him..we ve been in too many crucial times together ..hiwever i feel disrespected but that somehow its partially my fault? Ugh barf. Why are you still friends with this @sshole? My ex tried the "lets be friends" bullsh*t with me and I wouldn't allow it. Nothing good can come from being friends with an ex. Case in point: Your story. I've been in crucial life changing times with my ex, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be friends with him after how he ended things. He's not the same guy and I wouldn't associate with the likes of him now. No f*cking way.
Anela Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Just say no (or "hell, no"). He has no respect for either of you.
Author macarena Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 When we were together our relationship was open for some years. I went out with other guys and he did too with girls. He told me everything. I was more like his 'talk about sex' buddy sometimes rather than his gf. he told me anything, even if I might make a bitch fit out of it all. And on those grounds, he never disrespected me. he always said the sad, nice, ugly truth I did likewise anyway. But our relationship, as a result became over-passionate and too much jealousy and remorses on both behalfs. Our relationship ended up in total disillusionment. But we are so used in telling anything to each other that even when we broke up and when he got a gf, we still said to each other even the smallest things. However i tried to break free from hi m and not talk to him much and then some month later he calls for sex. he makes it sound casual and i act casual. and then he gets jealous and angry some days before he started dating this girl he was still nagging me to get back together. he even went to my mother's and told her that it was all her fault that we werent together. (and still blames her about the end of our relationship) I kept telling him no, that it was useless and then he eventually gave up and asked a random friend out. and after some 2 weeks he already spoke of love and future about her. and that s why i am a bit sceptic about it. because i know how wrongly he understands and faces his emotions I dont think its fair to put this case in scenario as a typical 'male bummer' case. but at this point, i think his emotional handicap has been too long a burden for me and at this point has become utterly disrespectful. Presently I will cut a line and avoid contact
azsinglegal Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I can't believe you're actually blaming yourself for him being a scumbag cheater. Furthermore, continuing a friendship with him (or any kind of contact) is just going to allow him to manipulate you even more. RUN. DON'T WALK. Away from this loser.
betterdeal Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I dont think its fair to put this case in scenario as a typical 'male bummer' case. but at this point, i think his emotional handicap has been too long a burden for me and at this point has become utterly disrespectful. Presently I will cut a line and avoid contact Sounds like a good decision to me. It doesn't matter what happened in the past between you guys. What matters is what's happening now, and that is that you feel disrespected by him. That's not why we have friends. Put this in the past and pat yourself on the back for respecting yourself
ErgoStep Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 For those who (probably) haven't read my previous posts, I have broken up with my boyfriend last March after a 4 year reklationship and 9 months living together If you want sex he's a handy guy. Sounds like there's a lot of drama surrounding it. Anyone else you're seeing. Hopefully you've moved on, and have a few love interests on the side.
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