macarena Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 For those who (probably) haven't read my previous posts, I have broken up with my boyfriend last March after a 4 year reklationship and 9 months living together we still had casual sex and in the mean time he wanted to get back with me and i refused. Last september he started going out with someone else and now its been two months since they are together. He has compleetely changed his attitude with her (when compared to his attitude with me) and she has all the characteristics (and political beliefs) which he loathed. point is, during this two month relationship, he asked me for two times to have sex. I refused. Yesterday he asked me for the third time and told me he wanted to cheat on her (but oh he loves her so much he said) I think he's in a process of self denial and he's dragging me all the way through it (we are still very much friends and the way he talks to me..open and exageratingly spontaneous.....its the way everyone knows him as well....isnt the way he talks to her..sweet and kind and loving) I cant seem to break up friendhsip with him..we ve been in too many crucial times together ..hiwever i feel disrespected but that somehow its partially my fault?
Space Ritual Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 For those who (probably) haven't read my previous posts, I have broken up with my boyfriend last March after a 4 year reklationship and 9 months living together we still had casual sex and in the mean time he wanted to get back with me and i refused. Last september he started going out with someone else and now its been two months since they are together. He has compleetely changed his attitude with her (when compared to his attitude with me) and she has all the characteristics (and political beliefs) which he loathed. point is, during this two month relationship, he asked me for two times to have sex. I refused. Yesterday he asked me for the third time and told me he wanted to cheat on her (but oh he loves her so much he said) I think he's in a process of self denial and he's dragging me all the way through it (we are still very much friends and the way he talks to me..open and exageratingly spontaneous.....its the way everyone knows him as well....isnt the way he talks to her..sweet and kind and loving) I cant seem to break up friendhsip with him..we ve been in too many crucial times together ..hiwever i feel disrespected but that somehow its partially my fault? You need to reread your post and ask yourself what is wrong with this whole thing. 1. You are not friends with your ex. You may want to attempt to keep telling that to yourself, but you aren't. You are nothing more than a potential piece of ass for him when he feels like cheating on his GF. 2. as long as you have communications with him and even engage in conversations with him that even skirt the idea, you too are at fault. Because you KNOW that this not good, yet you make the choice to continue to push boundaries. He may be telling you all these things...but your last sentence about can't break the friendship is complete and utter bull ****. You CHOOSE to not end it with him.. I am being hard on you because it seems that you already know the answer but are in search of someone to kick you in the ass and get you moving in the right direction. do what you want, but you will be better off if you divorce yourself away from this situation AND inform the GF of this guy that he has intentions on cheating on her..WITH YOU. To not do so is eliminating a choice for another person in how they want to live their life, and you have no right to do that, regardless. I mean anyway....do you want to be the OW? I wonder how many OW out there consider that a title of honor?
Author macarena Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 maybe this will sound strange but apart from a relationship, and more than being partners, we were more like family. and he included me in every way in his life (even before we were together and many thanks to him of all my self esteem i have today) And he stood up for me with many people and went even to extremes to do that But he always was an impulsive person who was emotionally handicapped. He did feel and is very much sensitive but his idea of emotions is mixed and fragile and that is the main reason why i never wanted to be with him any longer YES I DO instigate some things sometimes but lately (last month) I barely talked to hiom, so to give him space and out of nowhere he popped saying he wants to have sex. The only obvious way which marks that he misses me (maybe not as his gf?) is the way he talks... its like he wants to prove to me that even though he's with a girl whose totally different from his expectations, he's still the same person. Maybe by asking sex is a part of it all. p.s. no i will not tell his girlfriend. she's also with him for unfair reasons. practicaly she's 30 and wants to settle and first penis that came by hooked up with him..and selfish as it may sound, its not up to me
norajane Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I cant seem to break up friendhsip with him..we ve been in too many crucial times together ..hiwever i feel disrespected but that somehow its partially my fault? If you feel it's partially your fault, that is because we teach people how to treat us based on what actions we allow. You have allowed this no strings sex thing to go on; so he thinks it is ok to contact you for sex. Never mind that he is messed up if he thinks cheating on his gf is ok. It doesn't matter what he thinks or does - what matters is what you think and do. You have choices and you have the power to say NO. If you don't say NO, that's on you.
Trimmer Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I cant seem to break up friendhsip with him..we ve been in too many crucial times together ..hiwever i feel disrespected but that somehow its partially my fault? Well, it is your responsibility that you stay in contact with him and allow it to continue. As long as that continues to work for you, then stay with it and enjoy whatever benefits it brings to your life. However, if you have decided that you will not tolerate his behavior, and the disrespect that it implies (basically, him saying: I think little enough of you that you would cheat with me...) then it is within your power to disconnect from him. But that's up to you. And yes, "it's hard" and he's like family, and so on... You just have to decide whether all that "like family" stuff it's worth it to you, when the guy wants to cheat on his girlfriend with you. And incidentally, dehumanizing her with your "first penis that came by..." type of comments will only make it easier for you to stay with him. Is that really what you want? If you see her as a real human being - with whatever flaws - who doesn't deserve the disrespect of being cheated on, does that help you to see him a little more clearly, and to see what you need to do a little more clearly as well?
SoleMate Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 The "first penis that came by" comment is even more insulting to the ex-bf than to the new gf, I would think. You only had one question: hiwever i feel disrespected but that somehow its partially my fault? If you feel his propositions are disrespectful, than tell him to stop and if he won't stop cold turkey, than stop talking to him. Easy!
Author macarena Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 ok my comments with regard to his gf are bitchy. However the thing is obvious. We had other breakups and he had other girlfriends and i was respectful. Its just I cant digest this one cause its looking so false. He's really trying tooi hard and every person close to him is seeing him behave too much unlike his usual in such a short time. But whateve rits not my buisness. I have said no for 3 times. and i made it clear to stop proposing sex. however yes, i think he's being very inconsiderate on my behalf and thus I am cutting a line unless he excuses himself. that s said and done i guess
Recommended Posts