calreese Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I had been NC with my ex-gf for 2 and a half months up until this week. She texted me on Thursday, asking me if I hated her. I didn't respond. She texted me an hour later telling me she missed me, she would never forgive herself for what she did, she's an idiot for leaving, told me she was sorry if her texting me hurt me and said she didn't want to hurt me anymore than she already had. I didn't respond. Nothing else until Saturday. That night I get another text saying she just wishes she could talk to me and that I've cut off every form of communication with her. Duh. Then she sends another one saying to keep ignoring her if that's what's best for me, that she wouldn't get mad. So I did. I was with my friends that night and I showed them what she had sent me, they had been friends with her too when we were still together. One of my friends said I should just send her a quick, short reminder that I don't wish to talk to her anymore and tell her to move on. I didn't that night, but obviously this got me thinking. Last night I went over to the same friends house and he told me he thought it would be best if I was "respectful" and sent her a message. Now just this past week I've been feeling better than I ever have since the BU, and ignoring my ex made me feel like I had power over my emotions and didn't need to respond to make myself feel good. But I caved in at the advice of my friend and texted her. Nothing serious happened, she didn't say anything more on the matter. But now I can't help but be furious with myself because I feel like I took 5 steps backwards. Why would I text her if I felt so good lately and knew that ignoring her made me feel good about myself? I figure she was only trying to get a response out of me to know that I still think about her or that she can talk to me when she needs it, my friend thinks she wants me back but I told her nothing's going to happen anytime soon. I'm actually just as mad at my friend as I am myself. I knew beforehand that texting her would make me feel worse, but I still did it because my friend said it would help, and now I do feel worse. I just thought I was finally over her and now I feel like she has her power back. And here I am whining again when just a few days ago I felt great.
lalalandman Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Why do you feel that way? If she wanted an ego boost then you did her a favor. Let her go on her merry way. What did you say and how did she respond ?
Author calreese Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 I felt like by ignoring her I had control over my emotions and was finally able to put myself before her. I don't know why I would do what my friend said was right when I was already doing what I thought was right. I guess he just figured that I would look more mature by politely responding to her text, but instead I feel used like she just needed an ego boost, as you said. And what I said to her was basically, "I don't hate you, I'm just sticking with my choice to heal by not contacting you. I'm going to be gone in the spring and nothing is going to happen in the next couple of months so I think it's best if we both just forget about it." Which is honest, I don't want her back right now. I just feel mad because I already know what I want, what does it matter if she knows? I basically responded to her for no reason. It just makes me feel weak and it makes me question what her motives were.
lalalandman Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Gotcha. I think this reinforces my decision not to respond to my ex. I'm not sure why ignoring them drives them mad but it seems as if she just needs the re-assurance that you're still around. The danger is in her motive. This behavior screams insecurity. Even if you don't give 2 craps about her, in her mind, she thinks otherwise. Not healthy. Not positive. This is why she will always feel unfulfilled.
Author calreese Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 Yeah, I know she's got issues. I guess I just feel like she's still got a grip on me because there was no reason for me to respond to what she said but I still did. I had my own personal closure and I know what I'm doing is the best choice for me, but my friend somehow got it in my brain that it was a good idea to respond to her BS. Oh well. Chalk it up as a learning experience
BillieAnn Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Hi. I'm new here. When I read this I know exactly how you feeling, but I know too how it is to be on the place of that girl. I have been to both places. I understand you,you just want to get rid of her,but believe me my friend you're in a better position than her! You can escape away, but imagine yourself in her place? Imagine someone to love and have no access to get close again. She is just desperate and wants you back! It is easier when you don't love!
ChelseaLS Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Hi. I'm new here. When I read this I know exactly how you feeling, but I know too how it is to be on the place of that girl. I have been to both places. I understand you,you just want to get rid of her,but believe me my friend you're in a better position than her! You can escape away, but imagine yourself in her place? Imagine someone to love and have no access to get close again. She is just desperate and wants you back! It is easier when you don't love! But did SHE end it?
Rorschach64 Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I do believe if she really wanted him back she would have said that. To me she said a lot of just breadcrumb/ego boosting seeking messages, hence her not delving in to what she said much more than what was said already.
Author calreese Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 But did SHE end it? Yeah she did, GIGS type stuff. Like I said I've done an immense amount of work the past couple weeks to the point where I've felt so much better about never talking to her again, and then my best friend convinced me that it was best to send her a response (says he's been in similar situations twice). I just feel like I undid all my hard work and gave her back the power to direct things. I do believe if she really wanted him back she would have said that. To me she said a lot of just breadcrumb/ego boosting seeking messages, hence her not delving in to what she said much more than what was said already. Right if she wants to come back she isn't making it very obvious, she just wanted to make sure I would read what she had to say and then respond, didn't really matter what I said, just that I took time out of my day to think of what to say to her.
BillieAnn Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 But did SHE end it? And what does it matter?
smudge21 Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 Don't beat yourself up over something you did and cannot change. It's done. For whatever reason at the time, that is what you wanted to do. In hindsight, you would've done something different, but who's to say you wouldn't regret that later too. Basically, accept you can't change it, stop regretting it and move on. We all do stuff we regret later... As for her motives - yeah, she was looking for attention: ego boost, insecurity - whatever her reasons you responded because you wanted to (despite what a friend told you) and quite frankly I see no problem with it. You told her what she needed to hear otherwise she may have kept on sending texts. I had to do the same when I got friends requests on FB etc. I broke NC but in my eyes, because it was the right thing to do at the time. The more you think about this, the more you'll hurt over it. It's done. You did nothing wrong. Stay being strong and get back to healing. If this girl is wanting back in your life, then nothing, nothing, will stop her from proving it to you.
sunshine103 Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 I feel you did nothing wrong! Actually, it's good that you responded to her text. She apologized and admitted she made a mistake. Give her credit for having the strength to admit her faults to you. You think that was easy for her to do? You seem to be doing okay with NC and its helping you move on, but NC isn't for everyone. Maybe she is having a hard time with not being able to speak to someone she really cared about and her conscious is killing her bc she screwed up. Give her credit for apologizing, now whether you accept her apologies is up to you, and what is in your heart! You shouldn't feel you took 5 steps backwards. You wanted to respond, you did and made yourself clear, now you keep doing what is best for you.
nu464 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Why am i angry at myself or am i jealous? Some person i think is the most beautifulest in the school that i use to talk to sometimes but not our connection to talk to each other went away. It's been months i don't have a class with her anymore since she switched and now that i see she has a boyfriend i get sad and mad at myself when i see them together? Am i just jealous? but why at myself? She's super nice and knows almost everyone so she probably forgot my name already and the last thing she said to me was i know your going to miss me.
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