qqqttt Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 The night we broke up, I did the obvious plead for him to change his mind like most others do. I left his house that night and called a friend who calmed me down a lot. She told me that we had been together so long and we've broken up before, I just needed to keep my cool and not go seek him out. He and I didn't talk the next day, but saw each other at work the day after. I told him I was okay and he was very helpful. He helped me finish my work and asked if I wanted to play a card game with he and his friend. That day was friendly and almost flirty. There was no talk about "us." We only see each other every Saturday. He doesn't ever text me during the week unless I text him first... which I've been doing more and more as the weeks have drawn on. At work, I've been going to talk to him, looking for him, trying to talk to him more and more. I thought "keeping cool" meant just not crying and being desperate. So instead I have been joking around like, "it's okay, my charm and beauty will win you back," "you just love me too much to stay away," etc., etc. I didn't think jokes like that would push him away, but more and more he's been wary of me. Talking to me less, kind of trying to stay away from me... And who can blame him? Being desperate and being creepy are the same, I see. I haven't been respecting his choice to not be together except on that first day. I now see that it was working only when I seemed I didn't care about getting together. He wants to be friends and I've just been bringing up a reconciliation every chance I get. I understand that I need to stop. I do want him back, but I feel this is just going to push me away and creep him out even more. Do you think it's too late to start some nonchalant behaviour? Well, what I really mean is do you think the whole "want what you can't have" thing might still make an impact after all of the damage I've already done?
69ways Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 The night we broke up, I did the obvious plead for him to change his mind like most others do. I left his house that night and called a friend who calmed me down a lot. She told me that we had been together so long and we've broken up before, I just needed to keep my cool and not go seek him out. He and I didn't talk the next day, but saw each other at work the day after. I told him I was okay and he was very helpful. He helped me finish my work and asked if I wanted to play a card game with he and his friend. That day was friendly and almost flirty. There was no talk about "us." We only see each other every Saturday. He doesn't ever text me during the week unless I text him first... which I've been doing more and more as the weeks have drawn on. At work, I've been going to talk to him, looking for him, trying to talk to him more and more. I thought "keeping cool" meant just not crying and being desperate. So instead I have been joking around like, "it's okay, my charm and beauty will win you back," "you just love me too much to stay away," etc., etc. I didn't think jokes like that would push him away, but more and more he's been wary of me. Talking to me less, kind of trying to stay away from me... And who can blame him? Being desperate and being creepy are the same, I see. I haven't been respecting his choice to not be together except on that first day. I now see that it was working only when I seemed I didn't care about getting together. He wants to be friends and I've just been bringing up a reconciliation every chance I get. I understand that I need to stop. I do want him back, but I feel this is just going to push me away and creep him out even more. Do you think it's too late to start some nonchalant behaviour? Well, what I really mean is do you think the whole "want what you can't have" thing might still make an impact after all of the damage I've already done? I started NC 7 months after break up and i can tell u, she is freaking out some times, so no is not too late
Berlington Bob Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Agreed, in fact it might even help that you were so affectionate... If you take that affection away compeletely it may take him a while but eventually he will want it back. Men have the need to feel admired above all else in a relationship. You are making him feel admired without the expectation of him giving you what you need back (which is to feel appreciated). So stop showing him admiration even at a friendly level and he will miss it. Of course there is the underlying theme here if you two have gone through this before that he may feel compeled to be with you but at the same time he may be telling himself for whatever reason that he doesn't feel in the long run it will work out. This happens a lot in younger men who feel they have not "played the whole field". That is something that you can't really change except to give him a lot of space and hope that he realizes you ARE what he wants after all. You might want to try dating other men for now... This will be good for two reasons: Firstly, nothing makes a man in his situation feel like he is missing out on something more than if some other man has it. Secondly, (and I think more likely) you will eventually meet a man that is secure and that knows what he wants and is willing to give you what you want.
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