69ways Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 So my 5 year fiance left me 10 months ago and the last 4 months I am NC. She called panicking if i have a new gf, called for one excuse and another. I decided to stop bothering and not answer. She called last week and did not pick only to get an sms :Please talk to me... So she confess she is depressive and I am the only one that she trusts and wants to speak to. ANW she has visited the doctor but I did not text or call her. Have I done well? I mean I want her back but since NC I have seen very positive reactions but would she think I dont care anymore as I did not call to ask about her doctor appointment?
Author 69ways Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 62 views and no one has an opinion? We are progressing lol
stunned8165 Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Ha! Lucky you. I would love to have a call from my ex so I can have the upper hand. I still believe that call WILL come some day. I have been dumped twice before and both have tried to get in touch one time or another realizing what they had. But in this case, it's been the hardest because not only did I lose her, I lost her two young children too. And her dog!.. She has issues. Big issues. She couldn't handle the normalcy and stabiltity. I guess like WilsonX says , I can't be Captain fix a Hoe.. To put my story in a nut shell, for ya I'll copy and past..... [sIZE=3]I dated a girl for three years who has two young children who just turned 4 and 5 in August. They have no dad in their lives. I am the only Dad they know. I raised them for three years like they were my own, my family adopted them in as if she was my wife and those were my children, I paid the bills when we decided to live together in my home, great area, grade a schools, did 90% of the laundry, took care of the cars, yard, helped cleaned the house and even taught the 5 year old girl how to write her name before kindergarten. The children were from two different fathers. She's 35 years old and I was good to her in every way. But what does she do?.. She cheats on me with her boss. Leaves me for him. A real creep to because he does this to all the girls that work for him.. Nice huh? Is the grass always greener on the other side?... Well, you and I both know how that will turn out. . And made up the dumbest excuses for leaving along with the lies. Read some of my posts.[/sIZE] [sIZE=3][/sIZE] [sIZE=3]But I would LOVE to get a call so I can have my say and the upper hand... We broke up 5 1/2 months ago, no bread crumbs, no nothing except a few LC's.. But still making excuses. I think the best excuse is when she brought up a comment from My Space that was from a friend a year before we got together.. Like I said, she reached for excuses...[/sIZE] [sIZE=3][/sIZE] [sIZE=3]My thoughts because all she cared about was that stupid job in a seedy little resteraunt. [/sIZE] [sIZE=3][/sIZE] [sIZE=3]Have a look[/sIZE] [sIZE=3][/sIZE] The Saboteurs: These low self-esteem sufferers feel they have the ability and skills to be successful in their jobs and devote the majority of their time and energy into making that happen. Success brings them a modicum of satisfaction and feelings of adequacy as long as they remain in the job or position from which they get praise and/or respect and reward from co-workers and supervisors. Tending to gravitate where they feel best about themselves, work becomes a form of SELF-sabotage in their marriage or relationship , as they place work before family or social arenas in which they feel less adequate. Saboteurs often don't know how to make time for their personal life then ignore and neglect those who are in their lives and family who love and need them.
geegirl Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 So my 5 year fiance left me 10 months ago and the last 4 months I am NC. She called panicking if i have a new gf, called for one excuse and another. I decided to stop bothering and not answer. She called last week and did not pick only to get an sms :Please talk to me... So she confess she is depressive and I am the only one that she trusts and wants to speak to. ANW she has visited the doctor but I did not text or call her. Have I done well? I mean I want her back but since NC I have seen very positive reactions but would she think I dont care anymore as I did not call to ask about her doctor appointment? She has to deal with the repercussions of ending a relationship with you and that means losing the one she trusts. There are no two ways about it. If she is depressive, you need to let her work with her therapist so that she can find ways to cope ON HER OWN, deal with her demons and not allow her to use you as her crutch when she needs one. When she is in a better state of mind, if she wants you, she will come to you. If not, you have your answer. And this may be something you need to relay to her and get back on that NC wagon. Stop using NC to get reactions. Positive reactions? What about the fact that she is not even healthy to have an R with you? These reactions are due to insecurities. Positive reactions would be her coming back to you and discussing getting back together again with a healthy mind. Positive reactions aren't about contacting you because she needs a crutch.
Author 69ways Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 She has to deal with the repercussions of ending a relationship with you and that means losing the one she trusts. There are no two ways about it. If she is depressive, you need to let her work with her therapist so that she can find ways to cope ON HER OWN, deal with her demons and not allow her to use you as her crutch when she needs one. When she is in a better state of mind, if she wants you, she will come to you. If not, you have your answer. And this may be something you need to relay to her and get back on that NC wagon. Stop using NC to get reactions. Positive reactions? What about the fact that she is not even healthy to have an R with you? These reactions are due to insecurities. Positive reactions would be her coming back to you and discussing getting back together again with a healthy mind. Positive reactions aren't about contacting you because she needs a crutch. Thaks for the answer.i believe yiur partially right.the reason is because i use NC to heal not to get her attention. Getting though her attention, is a benefit as some people here would love their ex to call. You are right she is using me but at the same time she is showing clearly who she really trusts and she knows as she admitted ,that i am the one. I believe my story will end either way. 1.her getting better and coming back,no i am not hoping. 2.she meets another guy and forgets me.
nathanjbrown1 Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 So my 5 year fiance left me 10 months ago and the last 4 months I am NC. She called panicking if i have a new gf, called for one excuse and another. I decided to stop bothering and not answer. She called last week and did not pick only to get an sms :Please talk to me... So she confess she is depressive and I am the only one that she trusts and wants to speak to. ANW she has visited the doctor but I did not text or call her. Have I done well? I mean I want her back but since NC I have seen very positive reactions but would she think I dont care anymore as I did not call to ask about her doctor appointment? I think you done something wrong.WHY? Because you not been open to her as a friend....although that you're have not been together as a couple..you must be there as friend..
joseph17 Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 I guess it depends on the urgency of the doctors visit. You say you have had NC for 4 months then why would it matter now if you didn't respond? If you want her back then now would be the time to work things out since she is saying how much she misses you after 10 months. Plus she flipped out with the thought of you being with someone else shows she still wants you. Go after her if that is what you want and keep in mind all the things you have learned in the past 10 months that have made you a better person.
Author 69ways Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 I think you done something wrong.WHY? Because you not been open to her as a friend....although that you're have not been together as a couple..you must be there as friend.. LOL , clearly you show how biased you are. Be her friend? No thanks, she dropped me a month before ou engagement party that I invited 300 people. Kept and not giving my 3000 euro ring and clothes . I travelled to her country, took me 6 hours to get there to give her flowers on her bd and was called selfish. She asked me to let her go and go on with my life. She actually said:So because you are un happy , cant go on with my life? I was planning to move to her country after the engagement party. she met me 3 weeks later for valentines at a 5 star hotel I paid abroad and she dropped me 2 days after she came instead of staying for a week, because she was not sure. The reason why she left me? Because we had an argument over the phone and her depression. So yes I did something wrong. I was too nice to her and now you want me to give her the chance to put me in the friend zone and then forget me when she finds another bloke. Great plan m8. You my friend has a lot of suffering to do in life until you understand what going on.... I smell you are bitterer from personal drama but your situation does not apply to all. I was her best friend for 5 years and instead of talking to me about her issued she chew me and spited me out. So please go on read how many threads are here for not getting into the friend zone......
Author 69ways Posted November 15, 2011 Author Posted November 15, 2011 I guess it depends on the urgency of the doctors visit. You say you have had NC for 4 months then why would it matter now if you didn't respond? If you want her back then now would be the time to work things out since she is saying how much she misses you after 10 months. Plus she flipped out with the thought of you being with someone else shows she still wants you. Go after her if that is what you want and keep in mind all the things you have learned in the past 10 months that have made you a better person. I agree but I am worried I will push her away, its a tricky situation
EgoJoe Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 She has to deal with the repercussions of ending a relationship with you and that means losing the one she trusts. There are no two ways about it. If she is depressive, you need to let her work with her therapist so that she can find ways to cope ON HER OWN, deal with her demons and not allow her to use you as her crutch when she needs one. When she is in a better state of mind, if she wants you, she will come to you. If not, you have your answer. And this may be something you need to relay to her and get back on that NC wagon. Stop using NC to get reactions. Positive reactions? What about the fact that she is not even healthy to have an R with you? These reactions are due to insecurities. Positive reactions would be her coming back to you and discussing getting back together again with a healthy mind. Positive reactions aren't about contacting you because she needs a crutch. Listen to Geegirl. She is absolutely correct. I am in this same boat to a degree. I somewhat expect this sort of escalation soon as I've seen initial overtures. Without lauding yourself so it doesn't become pity have some compassion for her. She is going to go through what you had to. Lala is going through the same thing. Torn but respecting himself. Alot of jaded posters will say the F this blah blah to hell with her. But, I like to preach the role of compassion as it leads to growth.
wilsonx Posted November 15, 2011 Posted November 15, 2011 (edited) haha, a lot of us are about to hit this cross path, I've hit it slightly but you have to stick to NC and its not for her, its for you. Its the best thing for you in letting go. I'm one of those that say F her but it is the wrong way to look at it at this point in the breakup. I typical say that to people that have just broken up in the 1-3 month mark so they will kick their ex's off the pedestal. I do not agree with the word compassion in this sense because its not our responsibility to alleviate their suffering. They made their bed. That's their responsibility. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and you have to choose whats you think is best for you. In fact the antonym for compassion is indifference <--- this is where you want to be Listen to Geegirls advice, its spot on. Good Luck and focus on bettering yourself as a person. Edited November 15, 2011 by wilsonx
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