AMN819 Posted May 23, 2004 Posted May 23, 2004 Okay, so I hadn't seen this guy since high school..we saw each other and he ended up having this "INSTANT" love for me. He pursued and pursued me...finally, I realized he was a good guy and we started dating. We just broke up after 4 months...now I ask...WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?? Adam was hurt REALLY bad by his ex fiancee...he always said he thought he would never love anybody again and couldn't believe it was instant with me. We had this crazy FAST love connection. We got along really well..(except we were both VERY jealous and got into those petty fights)...he was acting really weird though, so I told him he needed to take some time to think and he agreed. Now he is telling me he isn't sure he is ready for a serious relationship b/c it brings back too many memories of betrayal and b/c he is extremely unhappy with himself (he saiys "I can't be happy with someone else if I am not happy with myself"..)..we still talk and he still says he loves me...but now he has gotten into this drinking binge that he was in before we met (b/c of his ex)...what do I do. This is the first guy I ever truly trusted and I really love him. I keep asking him if he wants me to wait and he says "I can't ask you to do that"...yet, I feel like I want to...what do I do???
bluechocolate Posted May 23, 2004 Posted May 23, 2004 The INSTANT love should have been your first warning sign. Call me cynical, but I just don't believe in love at first sight or love at first anything for that matter. You have to know someone to love them. If he's drinking again & saying that he doesn't want a relationship right now because of his feelings of betrayal regarding his ex then I would say he still hasn't gotten over that relationship. Unfortunately you got caught on the rebound. Give him the time he needs but don't wait for him. If you're still available when he's straightened himself out then try again, if not, well too bad for him. Best of luck to you.
Author AMN819 Posted May 23, 2004 Author Posted May 23, 2004 I think I should explain one thing....when I say instant love...I mean he was very interested and pursued me VERY much...we went to school together for 7 years...plus, we actually called it love after like 2-3 months...As for his ex...I have asked him repeatedly if he still has feelings for her....he says no, he just hates that b/c of her he can't trust me when he really wants to...
bluechocolate Posted May 23, 2004 Posted May 23, 2004 he says "I can't be happy with someone else if I am not happy with myself".... I keep asking him if he wants me to wait and he says "I can't ask you to do that"... These are wise words from him. But If he can't trust you & he's drinking heavily again then you're not going to have much of a relationship are you? At least not a healthy, happy one. You could point him in the right direction for some help (counselling maybe, certainly not drinking as that kind of "help" only stunts emotions rather than heals), but then step back, give him time to heal & don't put your life on hold while he's trying to sort himself out.
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