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Ex Gf Calling/Texting after 3 Months NC. This is for the Dumpees

lalalandman

By lalalandman
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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lalalandman Established Member

lalalandman

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I don't know anything about what's gone on in her life in the past 6 months. She mentioned she dated a few guys. In any case, texting a bunch of emotionally loaded confessions just doesn't do it for me. A simple text back in her direction will ease her of all the insecurities she is feeling. She doesn't have any intentions of getting back together. I haven't seen this girl for 6 months. It doesn't add up. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She most likely got rejected again by some guy she had feelings for. And she doesn't know how to look forward. It sucks. I wish everything she said was true. I wish she did mean it. But she doesn't. Thanks for all the support. I'll post some of her texts for evaluation...

CaliBabe Established Member

CaliBabe

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Let me tell you. Saying nothing, says the most!

wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

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Agreed Cali

 

"You stab me with with a word, alas silence is the sharper sword"

 

Lalala dont analyze them they are going to **** up your head. You have to be the buddah of LS NC now, if she sends you something just delete it.

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lalalandman Established Member

lalalandman

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I haven't said anything. This all happened Sunday night into yesterday morning. I'm guessing this was just some 24 hour fluke.

Zabs Established Member

Zabs

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I knew you were stubborn from the first post you commented on a few moths ago...I thought you sounded despondent...but being cautious often pays...I am not sure all your cards are on the table La..but just my hunch ..

 

Hope you are well

 

Zabs xx

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lalalandman Established Member

lalalandman

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Zabs thanks. Give me a reason why I should change my stance.

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lalalandman Established Member

lalalandman

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I wouldn't say this is a game anymore. I played my hand, lost my chips, and walked away with my dignity. You're saying I should go back and bet with that too?

 

NO WAY

fetish1980 Established Member

fetish1980

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lalalandman,

 

You've done alot of growth from when i first read your story this summer. To the forumer on here who advised to have a little compassion and realize that everyone makes mistakes. No disrespect, but ***** that! It's not your job to try to understand someone who has such little regard for your feelings and who tries to manipulate you to giving them an ego boost.

 

You're sticking to your guns and that's very admirable. That shows you feel good enough about yourself to move on and let go. That's a very attractive quality that a lot of women will go for. Just think, a major pronblem moved out of the way to invite someone else into your life who will probably be even better. You dodged a bullet.

 

I was in my r/l for 7.5- 8 years. You're much further ahead than i was at the 6 month mark. You don't let yourself feel guilty for not responding to her like i did. That's a strong trait that i wish i had.

 

Keep your head up and stay strong.

 

Cheers to your brightest days ahead of you bro!

 

fetish

Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

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I completely agree. Why should we have any compassion for these people? They had zero compassion for us when they dumped us !

EgoJoe Established Member

EgoJoe

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I think saying, "No offense." followed by an abrasive comment is a pretty passive way to take a shot at someone and I typically don't indulge that kind of confrontation.

 

If you actually read my posts completely then you would find the parts where I explicity remark that I don't want him to talk to her etc. but that I iterate that he would do well to keep his mind open and realize what is going on as opposed to indulging the little idiot in everybody's head that wants nothing more to win, subjugate etc. especially after it has already lost.

 

I'm now retiring from this thread. I am not going to play victim and opponent games with strangers on a forum because they want to inflict pain vicariously.

Zabs Established Member

Zabs

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[but being cautious often pays...I am not sure all your cards are on the table La..but just my hunch ..

 

Hope you are well

 

Zabs xx

 

Reading back from the post of which this thread eminiates from, I would like to illustrate a point for the more emminent members of the site....

 

I am not entirely sure anyone on this site is in a position to condemn another without being in possession of the full facts..which also includes other members.

 

Speaking for only myself La, IMHO, (and as a professional) a breakup can 'feel' similar to a bereavement as they are both issues of loss. The typical grief cycle has 5 stages. We can move along those stages, 1-5 steadily...gradually and heal...we can jump erractically 1-4,4-2 etc back and forth with what seems like an eternity.

 

La, as you seem to be getting pleasure from your ex's failed attempts, this indicates that you are not as 'over' her as you may have hoped...which is fine. As one of our more esteemed site members always says "There is love, there is hate...but then there is indifference"

 

You are not at the "indifference " stage yet...which is cool..it is a process and it will take as long as it takes.

 

Sometimes our messages have undercurrents of different themes running through them...I am trained to identify these themes and not just read the black and the white.

 

I personally find this site incredibly healing...just by reflection. Sometimes it can be that you answer your own questions just by helping another..

 

However, the only similarity I canthink of atm is like in the D/A field...Abstinence v Supported withdrawal..there are always the group that believes vehemently that abstinence is the only way forward...perhaps it is ...for them...but not one cap fits all..It is the same here..NC v Contact.

 

When push comes to shove, I think really and truly we need to consider what it is, and more importantly...where we are on that scale of 1-5...being totally honest with yourselves..what are you hoping to achieve?

 

Consider examples of situations in which you may express caring for that person..is it the love of another person...or is it sexual love..how does it present itself?

 

For me, self preservation is important...but to every post I make..I give a little of myself...that may be of an acquired taste to some...but I never asked to be liked :cool:

 

Much love La

 

Zabs xx:bunny:

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lalalandman Established Member

lalalandman

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Yea so, we talked.

 

Basically she told me about a couple dudes she dated. And then since I didn't really give a crap, I ended up telling her that I've dated about 10 girls in the past 6 months. I guess I just felt like being honest. We went over what we liked about each other, what we don't like about each other. And something about how we still admire the things we don't like about each other in some weird twisted way. And how we're ultimately attracted to one another. Also told her how I don't need her to tell me that nobody else matches up to me, because I already know my value.

 

Sorry guys. I know I failed. So the plan is to see each other this weekend. That's where it stands. Oh well.

Edited by lalalandman
calreese Member

calreese

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Yea so, we talked.

 

Basically she told me about a couple dudes she dated. And then since I didn't really give a crap, I ended up telling her that I've dated about 10 girls in the past 6 months. I guess I just felt like being honest. We went over what we liked about each other, what we don't like about each other. And something about how we still admire the things we don't like about each other in some weird twisted way. And how we're ultimately attracted to one another. Also told her how I don't need her to tell me that nobody else matches up to me, because I already know my value.

 

Sorry guys. I know I failed. So the plan is to see each other this weekend. That's where it stands. Oh well.

 

Don't sweat it, man. You were stronger than most in ignoring her for as long as you did, but sometimes the doubt creeps in and the guilt gets the best of you. I think you commented on my thread about the same thing, 2 and a half months NC with my exgf and she texted me and I was able to ignore for a few days before something my friend said made me consider texting her back and it just spiraled out of control until I gave in.

 

I guess the good thing that comes out of it is that I feel like crap now, so I've learned my lesson and the next time she throws me breadcrumbs I'll let the birds eat 'em ;)

fetish1980 Established Member

fetish1980

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lalalandman,

 

To the forumer on here who advised to have a little compassion and realize that everyone makes mistakes. No disrespect, but ***** that!

 

 

I'm quoting a sentence from my previous post since loveshack has not edited it as i've asked them to.

 

I just want to say that i was not intending to be disrespectful toward any one on here. This comment was more directed toward my frustrations with how women like the OP's are, and this post was really more directed toward my frustration with my ex (seeing she is the same type of person as the O/P's ex). I still contend my notion that none of these these type of people deserve much sympathy, but maybe it was worded poorly on my part. This comment was not intended to attack anyone on here or their viewpoints.

 

Cheers again to all for a great recovery. :)

 

fetish

nu464 Member

nu464

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OK! My broke up with me back in march and said she wanted to date around and see whats out there and all that good stuff after a 2 year relationship, he starts dating this kid I went to high school with 2 weeks later , I hate the kid so its obviously a bad situation for me , so I try to get him back for about 2 months and in the middle of June I went NC . . on our 2 year anniversary at the beginning of July he send me a text messages "today was two year" just to remind me of it I guess, and ever since that text she has been calling/texting/leaving voice mail/or emailing me once at least ever 2-3 weeks , a few times in was 2-3 times in a week, I have not responded to him or anything, so its been 5 months and its still going on, he is still with this same girl so he obviously knows we cant be friends because of the situation, so why does he keep trying to contact me?

Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

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I'm quoting a sentence from my previous post since loveshack has not edited it as i've asked them to.

 

I just want to say that i was not intending to be disrespectful toward any one on here. This comment was more directed toward my frustrations with how women like the OP's are, and this post was really more directed toward my frustration with my ex (seeing she is the same type of person as the O/P's ex). I still contend my notion that none of these these type of people deserve much sympathy, but maybe it was worded poorly on my part. This comment was not intended to attack anyone on here or their viewpoints.

 

Cheers again to all for a great recovery. :)

 

fetish

I for one really don't see at all why we should have any sympathy for dumpers. Maybe I would if I wasn't treated like dirt. My ex for one didn't care when I was depressed and hurting. All I got was insults and verbal abuse from my ex. I could've slit my wrists and I almost did. My ex wouldn't of cared at all. Why should I have any sympathy for him?

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lalalandman Established Member

lalalandman

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Have no fear everyone. I'm a much stronger person. She can't do much to hurt me at this point. She doesn't have much ammunition anymore. Like Wilson says, recognize your VALUE. I've come to realize my value this year. Currently, she is another option. She's come into my life at a point where I'm wanted by others as well. She has competition now. If she means what she says about wanting me forever, and needing all that time to realize I'm the one, we'll find out in due time.

Zabs Established Member

Zabs

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Buzzin for you La....you can be wrong a milion times but you only need to be right once...

 

What is life if not a risk...at least you will be able to say you have no regrets...

 

I hope she is sincere with what she is saying to you...and we are all here for you no matter what...

 

Like you said..she has no ammo anymore...she will learn that soon enough and recognise that you have taken a turn...she WON'T be able to treat you as before...your esteem has grown and you are more confident as a person and as a Man now...

 

Much love

 

Zabs xx:cool::D

RIO5 Member

RIO5

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I had my last ex sweat me from time to time. It was always out of the blue. I could never understand why her interest in me, randomly, went thru the roof from time to time.

 

O but eventually I grew up...I realized the stupid lil silly games 'girls' like to play.

 

Isnt funny how she is sweating you when the other guys she was dating 'didnt work out'? Why wasnt she all over you when she was dating those other guys? Because she wasnt interested in you! When your ex has no other boy toys to play with...all of a sudden you look great. Your like this shinny new car that she can play with! Hell, I do the same thing if I knew my ex was waiting in the wings somewhere! I give props to your ex because she knew you would crack if she persisted enough. Buddy...she was stroking your ego!

 

Lets say you do get back together...its only a matter of time before your problems resurface and some other boy toy comes into play where she can kick you to the side and enjoy the company of a new man.

 

Bottom line: if a girl wants to be with you...she will be with you! She would do everything in her power to prove that she is serious this time around. She should be going the extra mile! Its her silly flaws that determine what she is about. Like her telling you to go over to her crib. For what? Why should you go over there when she is the one contacting you! If she wanted you, if she really missed you..SHE should be the one asking to go see you. I dont care if she lived 6 states away...she should make the effort to go see you. Actions speak louder than words! Until she does something that impresses you to the point where she is being dead serious about getting back together...dont.even.bother!

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lalalandman Established Member

lalalandman

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Just an update. She ended up bailing on me. Said she re-injured herself at the hospital and had to go to the doctor today. So I simply texted her and said 'Right. Thanks for letting me know.' Then she unloads on me and says 'Oh are you being sarcastic?' and 'Oh this actually happened why do I even have to prove it to you? WHy are you upset?'

 

I just said 'Listen, I actually really meant thanks for letting me know. Now I can make other plans. Good luck.'

 

She calls about an hour later, acts like she never turned into drama queen and I got off the phone with her after a few minutes of her explaining herself. So tonite I'm going to have fun. Tomorrow I have a date.

EgoJoe Established Member

EgoJoe

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Projection at it's finest. You handled yourself well. Should she try to set something up in the near future. I would reject her quite a few times if you don't downright ignore her for awhile.

seibert253 Established Member

seibert253

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No one's gonna say we told you so, but:

We told you so.

 

Go back to winning.

 

Peace, and good luck.

Edited by seibert253
M2155 Established Member

M2155

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'Listen, I actually really meant thanks for letting me know. Now I can make other plans. Good luck.'

 

I love this response.

Edited by M2155
wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

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You handled that flawlessly.

 

There is no "I told you so"

 

He kept his self worth and value. She showed hers. That's awesome lala

 

Great Job

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