I'm not being crazy am I?

[InJest]

To answer the title question, yes, you are being crazy. If you'd been sleeping together(and you know what I mean, not that cuddling bull****), you'd have a right to be upset. You're just mad because he's not all twisted up over you like you thought he was.

 

Don't try to say he's your friend either. Friends don't treat friends the way you did.

 

 

InsertNameHere, she didn't give anything up, which is why she's retarded for blowing up at him.

Edited November 15, 2011 by InJest

[Nexus One]

I'm calling the OP out. This is standard issue immature **** that women pull and then think they're soooo clever and so right for being aggrieved.

 

You told him it wasn't a relationship. That means if he's with another girl you get to stow your feelings and keep the attitude to yourself. If you wanted it any other way, you should have asked for it any other way.

 

Women pull this **** all the time. They give it up casually to a guy because they think deep down he'll be so overwhelmed by feelings and he'll just magically come along to a relationship without having to discuss it being serious. You are not the first girl in history to pull this bull****.

 

Seriously, little girl, grow the **** up.

 

In conclusion: all blame is on you. Tough ****. You only got what you asked for.

 

To answer the title question, yes, you are being crazy. If you'd been sleeping together(and you know what I mean, not that cuddling bull****), you'd have a right to be upset. You're just mad because he's not all twisted up over you like you thought he was.

 

Don't try to say he's your friend either. Friends don't treat friends the way you did.

 

 

InsertNameHere, she didn't give anything up, which is why she's retarded for blowing up at him.

 

I just wanted to say that I completely disagree with you guys. Who the f*ck makes out with one girl on a bed, only to then later be all touchy feely with another girl? A guy would have to be pretty f*cking dense about the dynamics between men and women to not understand that that is going to end up in hurting someone.

[InJest]

Her reaction is what makes her crazy.

 

She got what she deserved. She was stringing this guy along, thought she was the ****, and got pissed when she found out that he wasn't pining over her like she thought.

 

I was on her side until she said all they've done is make out.

Edited November 15, 2011 by InJest

[binny]

I agree with Nexus One, I think the guy was inconsiderate. Although OP, you said you weren't in a relationship with him, but did you think that it might eventually progress into a relationship? If it was clear that a relationship was never on the cards then yes, you did over react. However, if it was unclear and a relationship might have developed, what he did is very disrespectful and I would have probably reacted similarly. I don't think I would even want to be friends with a guy if he did that to me.

[forms]

I figured it would end fairly soonish, because hook ups usually don't last that long. I also realize that he is under no obligation to behave a certain way around me, but that doesn't mean there aren't consequences to his actions.

 

You send out mixed messages in this story. If it was such an insignificant relationship to you that you figured it would end fairly soonish, then why did you react so badly?

 

If you are aware that he has no obligation to behave a certain way around you, why are you punitive to him when he doesn't behave a certain way around you?

 

Who appointed you to be in charge of passing out consequences to people who don't behave a certain way around you even when you acknowledge they are not obligated to behave a certain way?

 

You are focusing on his behavior rather than your own.

 

Why didn't you leave when he started acting up? Why not just roll your eyes and go elsewhere? If he stuck the pin in, you wiggled it.

 

If you absolutely HAD to call him out, why not just say "You hurt my feelings", instead of resorting to name calling and profanity?

 

I think you are more emotionally involved in him than you want to admit. He told you they were 'just friends', you are upset because you don't really believe it. But why get upset even if he is sleeping with her? You were/are acting jealous.

 

Also, if he's so disrespectful, such a jerk, etc, etc... why is it you are so willing to forgive and forget (unless he's lying about just being friends with her, which is giving you some heartburn)? He's the same disrespectful jerk after the apology that he was before, and you suspect a liar to boot. How is it you are now 'cool' with him?

 

I don't think you are crazy, I think you are playing games with yourself. Before you do a friends with benefits situation again, you need to really examine your real feelings and expectations.

[Nexus One]

Her reaction is what makes her crazy.

 

She got what she deserved. She was stringing this guy along, thought she was the ****, and got pissed when she found out that he wasn't pining over her like she thought.

 

I was on her side until she said all they've done is make out.

 

She was just taking it slow, because she perhaps saw the guy as potential boyfriend material. Nothing wrong with taking it slow. May comes across as a decent girl. I don't think she was trying to play him in the sense that she was c*ck-teasing him and then c*ck-blocking him or anything like that.

Edited November 16, 2011 by Nexus One

[soserious1]

He gave you what you willingly signed up for,a no strings relationship. So why are you now trying to attach strings?

 

Sorry but IMHO you are 100 % in the wrong here & owe this guy an apology.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

So, I've been hooking up with this guy

 

 

We aren't dating,

 

 

 

maysj,

 

you have been so vague with this, that not even a trip to urbandictionary to define "hooking-up" can offer any clarity to what you're saying.

 

Again, I stress that it is normal to be developing feelings for somebody with whom you have been intimate, and to have felt hurt and disrespected in the scenario you painted.

 

But then you move along and insist that you and he haven't shared sex.

 

So now we have:

 

You aren't (/weren't) dating

 

You haven't had sex

 

 

Exactly what IS your personal investment in this guy, on any level at all which implicitly grants you cause for being upset by the scenario you've described?

 

I thought you'd had sex with him, and I was willing to acknowledge that your emotions had likely become more involved as a result, EVEN IF that hadn't been in your agreement.

 

Now, I just don't think you're invested enough in whether that guy cums, stays, lays or prays (in the words of Mike Damone), for it to matter much at all.

[forms]

"We are fully aware a relationship isn't what the other wanted now..."

"We've made out and have been pretty affectionate in public..."

"No talk of commitment..."

"I know he's not obligated to behave a certain way with me..."

"We've been hooking up for 2 or 3 weeks..."

"We've never had sex or fooled around..."

"We're just friends..."

"It's a bit more than talking in class and texting..."

"I was thinking it would end soonish since hook ups don't last long..."

"We've been friends since we started college 3 years ago..."

"It still stung even if we haven't had sex yet..."

"It's a low blow..."

"He says they are just friends, but I don't know if I believe him..."

"Do it in front of our friends..."

"I saw something I didn't like, so I called him out of it..."

"I feel bad for how I handled it..."

"He's shady and I know I'm done..."

"He apologized and we're cool now..."

 

You've known him 3 years but have been hooking up for no more than 3 weeks, and you anticipate it ending 'soonish', haven't had sex, have made out but haven't fooled around, there's been no talk of commitment, you both acknowledge you don't want a relationship, and you realize he has no obligation to behave the way you would, but still it stings when he is affectionate with another girl in public and disappears to do 'who knows what with her' numerous times, and you suspect they are having sex and he's lying about it.

 

You sound so confused. What do the terms hooking up, making out and fooling around mean if they don't mean sex and heavy petting? What the different between making out and fooling around? And you've only been 'hooking up' for a matter of days and were anticipating a quick end to that anyway, so why did it sting?

 

Did it sting the other friends he was with? Was it a low blow to them? Did they feel a need to 'call him out' put him in his place? Of course they didn't. While he took you at your word, no obligation, commitment or relationship, no sex, or fooling around, just some affection over the last couple weeks that was meaningless and wasn't going to last much longer, you clearly saw and felt more.

 

You aren't wrong for feeling or even wanting or hoping for more. But you are wrong for deceiving yourself. He meant more to you than you are willing to admit; you got jealous and you over reacted, and in a rather nasty way.

 

It sounds like he was uncouth, but the behavior you described is behavior that goes on in college libraries all over the country, it's pretty common. It didn't bother his other friends, and if they are having sex (as you seem to suspect) it's not unexpected behavior.

 

In addition you said you called him out because you are tired of people being 'sketchy', whatever that means, but it seems to imply he's getting your wrath for what other people have done.

 

You seem to be a nice young woman who is very inexperienced in inter gender relationships. No fault of yours, we were all inexperienced at first. But I think you did over react and misinterpreted you and his 'friendship' (since you claim you don't have a relationship).

 

This was a learning experience. I'm sorry it hurt. If you can remember he's probably as clumsy and inexperienced with relationships as you, maybe you can be more forgiving of you both. Maybe he's not a jerk and you aren't crazy; maybe you're both just learning. He did apologize, and you did feel badly about how you handled the situation, so it seems you are both nice people.

 

I'd let it go and stop hooking up, whatever that means to you, and stop being affectionate in public. At least for a while. Step back and go back to whatever you were before 3 weeks ago, if you can. If you have a lot of mutual friends it might be hard to avoid him, but if you can just sort of drift out of his circle for a while.

 

You'll be able to assess the situation better if you do. Good luck to you.

[Elysian Powder]

You hooked up with him but you weren't having sex nor anything related to fooling around. Shame that I don't quite picture you watching Disney movies with the guy and trowing the 'hooking-up' term on that. I know that we're more liberal when compared to people who were sexually exploring their lives 10 years ago, but they at least qualified blowjobs and anal sex as ''hooking-up''. I sure hope we haven't gone as far as saying that anything that doesn't pertain a penis inside a vagina = not sex.

 

Maybe you're a Cristian woman? And you're saving the sexual orifice mentioned in the bible to not use before marriage for your future husband? I'm sorry, but Christian men don't fall for that one anymore, lol. I've gotta mention that I especially love how women think they can fck around like men and not fall for the guy they're casually banging. Nature played a trick on your sex. Women emotionally bond with the men they have sex, and by sex I mean that sucking a dick has the same effect. Making-out is filled with chemicals bound to alter your emotions and to attach you to him.

 

Transmit my congratulations to that guy. He moved from one FWB to another, managed to make a woman rationalize that she wasn't going to put out, is probably having sex with the other woman as we speak, and won't be bared from sleeping with you if he desires a little variety but isn't in the mood to game another woman.

 

Aha ha.

Edited November 16, 2011 by Elysian Powder

[Elysian Powder]

. Who the f*ck makes out with one girl on a bed, only to then later be all touchy feely with another girl? A guy would have to be pretty f*cking dense about the dynamics between men and women to not understand that that is going to end up in hurting someone.

 

Have you ever considered the possibility of him not caring at all? I don't care whether a woman I'm with at the moment is sleeping with another guy or if she has feeeeeelings for me or not. I know that she's going to put out and since all I'm interested in is in what she's hiding to most males within the confiner that her jeans are, I am up and about to increase my chances of bedding a woman.

 

Sometimes that means having to flirt or make-out or whatever in front of the woman I was previously banging or trying to bang. Whatever she feels or thinks of me, it belongs to her control due to the fact that what she feels or wants is exclusive to her.

 

And thank you for not running around like an amoral chicken like many young men in college are doing. Women would stop putting out for free(and when they're young, hot, and std-free) if they thought that no (decent) man was going to forgive them for their ''immaturity'' and would refuse providing them with the meaningful relationship they're clearly looking for as they move through their late teens and 20's like a pornstar moving from filming set to filming set.

Edited November 16, 2011 by Elysian Powder

[insertnamehere]

Who the f*ck makes out with one girl on a bed, only to then later be all touchy feely with another girl?

 

The kind of guy who was told it was OK. Derp.

 

A guy would have to be pretty f*cking dense about the dynamics between men and women to not understand that that is going to end up in hurting someone.

 

A girl would have to be pretty ****ing dense about men in general if she thought telling him "it's not a relationship" wasn't a green light to play around with other girls.

 

Jesus Christ. Women have the audacity to actually believe this bull****?!

 

If it was clear that a relationship was never on the cards then yes, you did over react.

 

Huh?!?! Double-huh?! She . . . told him . . . no relationship. Women? All y'all listening? It's **** like this.

 

So, as guys we're supposed to magically sensitive to the notion that a relationship might be in the cards after a girl tells us it's not relationship?

 

Whiskey-tango-foxtrot!?!?!?!?

 

- - -

 

To these two posters, let me thank you both. This has been a serious revelation.

 

Let's just ask all the women here the obvious question: do you actually believe this whole notion that there's an unspoken contract to not offend this girl?

 

Seriously? It's OK to tell a guy "oh, it's nothing" and then freak out when you see him cleaning the tonsils of another chick?!

 

Huh? What? How? Fer realsies?!

 

To be blunt, this kinda ****, this kinda game playing, is exactly why men believe women are children stuck in adults' bodies.

[binny]

Huh?!?! Double-huh?! She . . . told him . . . no relationship. Women? All y'all listening? It's **** like this.

 

So, as guys we're supposed to magically sensitive to the notion that a relationship might be in the cards after a girl tells us it's not relationship?

 

Whiskey-tango-foxtrot!?!?!?!?

 

 

Obviously this has strengthened our friendship, but we were both fully aware that a relationship was not what the other wanted right now, blah blah.

 

To me it sounded like they weren't ready to be in a relationship right now for their own reasons, that doesn't mean that it wouldn't have progressed into a relationship in the future.. I may be wrong, but that's how I interpreted the OP's original post. They must have felt something more than being just friends if they "hooked up".. Most people I know wouldn't risk loosing a good friend over something that was just a simple hook up.

[maysj18]

To me it sounded like they weren't ready to be in a relationship right now for their own reasons, that doesn't mean that it wouldn't have progressed into a relationship in the future.. I may be wrong, but that's how I interpreted the OP's original post. They must have felt something more than being just friends if they "hooked up".. Most people I know wouldn't risk loosing a good friend over something that was just a simple hook up.

 

 

When I posted my original post, I'm sure I was mad and hurt at the time considering it had happened a few hours before, so that's why I've been sounding wishy washy as the initial emotions dissipated.

 

Honest story:

We've been friends for awhile, not extremely close but pretty good friends. One night at a party, we made out that's pretty much when everything started. He'd stay the night with me every weekend, we'd go places together, and were pretty affectionate in public like I mentioned previously. When we talked about relationships, we didn't really talk about us, it was more general. We both basically feel that going with the flow is the best way to go about things and if the relationship happens to go down the road to something serious then that's fine.

We never had sex nor fooled around, because that's not me. Without some commitment, I don't put out. He never tried anything and was completely respectful when we were together.

When the incident happened, me being a naturally jealous person jumped the gun. It was embarrassing, because it wasn't harmless flirting. They were touching and she was sitting on his lap because he hid something of hers behind his back..just weird. What am I supposed to think? He said that they were just friends and sent me a very apologetic text the next day saying that he was sorry he hurt me. He said that's just how he is with his friends, which may be true, but that just hurt my feelings. I was planning on having "the talk" with him soon, saying that while I enjoy his company, I just want some security in knowing that I'm the only girl he is "seeing" or else we can't continue hanging out exclusively like we were. I just didn't want something like this to happen before everything was put on the table.

Yes I like him, and yes I feel like I handled the situation poorly. For whatever reason, he doesn't want to stop seeing me. While it seemed like common sense to tone down the flirtiness when I was around, maybe he genuinely didn't see it as being a problem? I don't know. I was thinking about going ahead of having the talk with him I wanted to have before this happened and see how he feels. I have never seen any sort of weird behavior from him ever aside from this. Even at parties, he's either with me or our friends.

 

I know if I'm being stupid you guys will tell me, so let's hear it haha

[insertnamehere]

that doesn't mean that it wouldn't have progressed into a relationship in the future.

 

I'm suffering brain lesions reading this stuff.

 

You're telling me that I have to account for some hypothetical future relationship if a girl tells me we're just fooling around?!

 

They must have felt something more than being just friends if they "hooked up".

 

Um . . . about that . . . I have "hooked up" with more than a few girls I didn't even like as friends. Every single guy with a shred of masculinity you know has.

 

Most people I know wouldn't risk loosing a good friend over something that was just a simple hook up.

There's a word for this: naivete.

 

What kind of eunuchs are you girls hanging out with? Grown men will sacrifice all kinds of relationships for even a little heavy petting. You might want to read some divorce filings before you give your male friends this much credit.

 

- - -

 

I'd also like to present the third argument here. He didn't think he was endangering their friendship because he didn't think she was pulling some crazy chick game on him when she said "it's not a relationship".

 

I'm sorry, but this crap is why men end up thinking ever single woman out there is a psycho.

 

Men think women abide by their own laws. The only reason we even humor this is because many of us are too lazy to masturbate.

 

For whatever reason, he doesn't want to stop seeing me.

 

I reiterate: naive.

 

What reason would a boy making out with multiple girls possibly have for wanting to continue that arrangement as long as possible? It's unheard of!

 

Are you serious? He's a guy!!! How hard can such a simple and age-old stereotype be to understand?

Edited November 17, 2011 by insertnamehere

[binny]

You're telling me that I have to account for some hypothetical future relationship if a girl tells me we're just fooling around?!

 

Read Maysj18's post.... she said:

 

When we talked about relationships, we didn't really talk about us, it was more general. We both basically feel that going with the flow is the best way to go about things and if the relationship happens to go down the road to something serious then that's fine.

 

They talked about relationships in general. Doesn't sound like she ever explicitly said "no relationship".

 

 

Maysj18, I think that if you really like him, then you should have the talk with him. If he wants a relationship then that's great and if he doesn't then at least you know where you stand. Perhaps he did it on purpose and was only flirting with the other girl to make you jealous? Or maybe, as you said, he genuinely didn't see a problem.. Who knows.

[insertnamehere]

"Go with the flow" is even worse that "not a relationship". Go with the flow indicates she's cool with anything.

[forms]

What kind of eunuchs are you girls hanging out with? Grown men will sacrifice all kinds of relationships for even a little heavy petting. You might want to read some divorce filings before you give your male friends this much credit.

 

 

LOL

[dispatch3d]

Yikes to the story haha.

 

Well you've known each other for a while, but really things are progressing verrrryyy slowly it sounds like to me. If you never leap, you do risk him finding some other girl who is willing to leap and being left high and dry. It wouldn't be any kind of intentional slight or anything either. Right now from his point of view he probably has no idea if this is going anywhere.