johan Posted May 23, 2004 Posted May 23, 2004 Ever get irritated or upset about something and you don't really know why? As if it's instinctual? I get like that a lot lately. My girlfriend or her daughter or a friend or basically anyone I have a personal (not professional) relationship brings this out in me. The simplest things just set me off. For instance questions. I HATE being asked "Why did they do that?" about some characters on a TV show or movie. I hate being relied on that way. I mean every once in a while, OK, but ALL the time, no. If they aren't paying attention, why do they look to me to fill in the gaps? Or why do I have to do all the thinking for them, like I know everything and I should be willing to be their brain. And then we both miss what happens while I tell them about it. Dammit, I HATE myself for being this way, especially when everyone else seems just fine doing it. Like that's how you are supposed to watch a movie: continually ask either about what just happened or about what's going to happen. I HATE being asked to repeat myself. I don't care why someone missed it, I just don't want to have to say it again. Why am I the only one? Everyone else around me is so easy going about it, like they'll go into parrot mode for anyone who asks. I'm the ass who doesn't love or like anyone enough to do that. Once should be enough, if you don't get it, then try to live with it. I hate stopping the whole damn conversation to catch someone up. Like the only thing they care about is that THEY get every word of it just right. I HATE being interrogated about my job or my day. I mean, what does she need all the details for? Like she's living through me or something. I have a friend who will talk for hours about his day, like he wants to re-live it all. Not me, not unless something really interesting happens. They are all just days, and frankly I'm much more interested in talking about it if she doesn't even ask. Maybe. Maybe once a week something worth talking about will come up. Why can't I just accept that it has something to do with feeling close to me? Why do I just get annoyed? I feel like she's trying not to be independent or something. I mean why do I have to come prepared to answer for my day all the time? I have no idea what it is that bugs me so much, but I can tell you her feelings get really hurt when she sees me getting annoyed. And that just makes me feel worse. Why do I have so much more respect for people when I'm not very close to them? Why can't people maintain that level of independence so that I don't have to provide all the support? I mean I'm happy to share my life with people if they just don't start billing me for it, like they start EXPECTING me to give them pieces of myself. My patience is just about zero lately. I can't explain it. I just feel bad about it. Like I'm the king of jerks. This was just a rant, I guess. There are no answers, and I think it probably won't change. I just feel like hell. I think I must be a psychopath.
moimeme Posted May 23, 2004 Posted May 23, 2004 You could be under a lot of stress. Real good indicators that stress is getting to you are that you lose your sense of humour and that everything bugs you. Try relaxation, exercise, meditation. Cut down on caffeine. Get yourself walking, if nothing else. Read some Ellis or the stuff from this link of REBT stuff that someone put up the other day. http://www.rational.org.nz/public/BeliefsQuestionnaire/bel4.htm And, of course, if all else fails, see a doc because you might need medical intervention.
Thinkalot Posted May 23, 2004 Posted May 23, 2004 Hi. This could have something to do with the stress you've been feeling about your gf questioning you and her insecurities etc. You describe the way my guy sometimes says he feels! He hates me questioning him too much about stuff...even when to me it seems OK (and not obsessive stuff either). He likes to come home and chill. He also hates it when I ask him what's going on in the movies. Cos then we both miss it! But he's been short fused sometimes, when my OCD, or insecurities have really got under his skin. Then, little things, bug him, and not much rolls off his shoulders. When, usually, it would. Is your relationship making you feel boxed in?...as you try and work through these issues. My ...ahem...fiance ...says he sometims feels that way. He loves me so much, and yet the stress of working through my obsessions etc can be demanding. That's human and natural. Have you tried to talk to your gf about it...I try and modify my behaviour as best I can to help my guy destress when I know he's pretty tense. It's give and take that way.
average guy Posted May 23, 2004 Posted May 23, 2004 I've been on the same situation and I know my wife has walked on eggshells around me becuase of it. You need to explain it to her, and that alone will releive some of your stress and ease the situation. You should probably also start seeing a therapist to help with your stress before it gets out of hand and things get worse. Best of luck
average guy Posted May 23, 2004 Posted May 23, 2004 ps. moimeme I read the link you posted and I think I have a unique interpretation of it: I assume that the opposite of what I want will happen, so that way I expect things not to be or work out the way I want them to (I posted a while ago about whatever consious decision and corresponding action I made {i.e. moving to the country for peace and quiet and the neighbors dog barking non-stop all day} has the exact opposite effect of what I desired). So I guess this could be one way to solve LFT
krbshappy71 Posted May 24, 2004 Posted May 24, 2004 eh, I slip into "questioning mode" myself sometimes. Not sure why, perhaps it IS laziness or insecurity. Instead of saying "let's take my car. I will say, "do you want to take my car or your truck? I was thinking my car because then I can drop off my stuff while we're there but if you want I can just put my stuff in your truck and we can take that...." and my poor guy stares at me like "WTF??" LOL!! I hate it. Not sure why I do it. This last time that happened he looked at me and said (not angrily, but pointedly) "Just say what you want to do." So I said (surprised) "Oh. um. okay lets take my car." I felt a bit awkward because he had pointed out how I was acting, but then again I'd rather be aware of it so I can correct it than just drive him up a wall without even knowing it. So. This was quite the ramble. Sorry. See what he has to put up with?? So just politely point out to her what she's doing. If its during the movie, try to politely "shhh...." her (not rude and loudly, just quietly) until its at a point where you can either explain it to her or let her figure it out herself. Sounds like its her way of sharing the moment with you.
Author johan Posted May 24, 2004 Author Posted May 24, 2004 Thanks for the great responses. I did talk to her for a while this afternoon. It's hard to talk about that. I can't explain it, and while I try, she's wondering what is going on with me. Can't easily explain why I'm a freak. But we both agree I am one! Now you all know about it, too. I haven't been sleeping enough. And work has been on my mind. Maybe that's it. I slept until 10 this morning and I just slept half the afternoon and I feel great for a change. Maybe we'll have a good evening.
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