Rose_Petal Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 (edited) My ex broke up with me about two months ago. Though in my head I know that this was probably for the best, my emotions just don’t seem to match my thought. Since the brake up, I feel extremely guilty, unworthy and lonely. I feel like I am a terrible person Let me explain the brake up We dated for exactly two years. We met in the army cadets when I was 15…he was three months younger than me. Anyway, my first impression was that he was really annoying and just wanted some attention. He loved to criticize people and I even gave him **** once because he was calling on of the other girls a slut and just plain stupid. I admit she had her issues but I he was being rude. Eventually, he admitted that he actually did like me and started to become this really sweet guy that eventually seduced me, though my first impression was really bad. He asked me out a few days before he had to leave for a six week training camp (I couldn’t go because I had broken arm). I waited for him all summer and when he came back our relationship became very serious, very fast. Although, I had told him that I didn’t want a serious relationship. It was very hard for me to control it because his parents kept organizing stuff for us to be together almost every day. After a few months,they even invited me over for sleep overs (still 15 at the time) and let us sleep in the same bed (I was 15, didn’t know any better). I told my mom that we slept in the same bed even though my ex’s parents didn’t want me too. Although we slept in the same bed, we never had sex. He was really innocent…even for 15.Didn’t even know what an orgasm was or a clitoris :S Anyway, he said he loved me from day one though it took me months before I was able to say it back. I didn’t feel I was really in love with him. He was nice (again,contrary to my first impression) and sweet, knew exactly what to say everytime. Eventually, I felt I did start to love him. Anyway, things were great for the first year, though there were some little things that had me worried 1. Once, I went to a week-end survival camp with the cadets, but my ex couldn’t go because he had broken his leg. I went anyway and he got mad at me for it. 2. I went on a trip to China through my school and we skyped each other every day I was gone (two weeks)…I missed him alot but I’m not sure if I missed him or if I was in some sort of withdrawal since we were together almost every day (except we went to different schools). When I came back, I talked a lot about my trip and he got mad. He said that if China was so much better than any other place, then I should go move there :S 3. I had lost a big amount of my friends…I was always with him so no time for friends. I don’t think he forced me to always be with him, but maybe he did it indirectly…He would always makeme feel bad for him when we were apart because he went on and on about how hisdays were miserable without me. I am a very responsible person so I felt acertain responsibility towards him. 4. He wanted me to call his parents mom and dad :S I refused. We were young and not married. Our first summer together about a year into our relationship was a disaster: We both gota job at the same camp (we were camp counsellors) and We were together 24 / 7.One week I was at his house, one week he was at my house…we switched between houses all summer. We constantly fought about every little thing. They weren’tfights about serious things but it could get ugly…I blame it on the fact thatwe were just too young to live together…we were 16. We still hadn’t had sex yet. I assumed we were going to have our first time during the summer since weslept every night together, but it didn’t happen. We explored sometimes but that’sit. Up till this point, I thought the world of his parent. They loved me, I loved them. The second year, things went down hill, fast. We fought less when school started because we had somewhat some time away from each other. In November, I had something tragic happen in my family. My uncle was murdered by his wife…a homicide. It was devastating to see everyone around me so hurt. I didn’t know my uncle very well but the thought of the crime was disturbing. At school, most of my teachers didn’t accept this as a worthy excuse for not giving in assignments on time. I was a 95% average student so they had no reason to doubt me, a model student. I was very frustrated by this. So, things were not going well and I suffered abit from anxiety at this time. It runs in the family. I was irritable, I guess. And stressed too probably. However, about two months after the tragedy my ex’s parents got angry at me and made my ex angry at me. They said there was no reason I should still me emotionally stressed over my uncle’sdeath and that I was the cause for all of their stress…I barely said a word infront of his parents. I was shy. I have no idea how they came to this conclusion. I basicly cried all night (I was sleeping over at his house) and his parents and my ex got mad at me because I was emotional. I felt hopeless and pathetic. A loser for being the cause of everyone’s stress and draining my ex (so his parents said). I’m not sure if this is true. I knew for a fact that his parents hated their jobs and always came home stressed no matter what, but I still felt responsible. I easily feel responsible! I hated his parents more and more because they always gave my ex huge guilt trips about things that I felt he wasn’t responsible for. His dad is very manipulative. His dad even said he loved me more than his own pathetic son. He said he was ashamed of his son. I thought it was disgusting. It broke my heart to see my ex being trated like that. I would have lost it living in a house with a family like that (which I actually was considering the amount of time I was spending there). His parents also forbid him to use the car for a month becausehe had come to see me after an earthquake that had frightened me (it came righ tafter the earthquake in Japan so I was little weary). His parents had other plans and needed the car but told him he could come see me anyway…then punished him for it later…wtf. Anyway it was messed up and by this summer I was losing patience. I kept snapping at him sometimes for no good reason and we were constantly fighting again (we did the same thing as last summer). Only this time, the fights were more serious. He was saying that I always wanted to be better at him at everything. I had joined his basket ball team after HE introduced me to basket ball and I was learning quickly...I dont know if that upset him. I tried lots of things but only because I love tro try new things and put my heart into everything I do. I didn't mean to try and look like I was trying to be better at everything...I am very determined and challenge myself. Anyway, I was always losing my temper and even started swearing at him…I don’t usually swear. I feel soooo bad because I feel like I was being rough with hi,. Anyway, once he called his parents and was fighting with them on the phone…I had been encouraging him to stand up for himself because he deserved better…even though at the time I was hard on him too. I feel so bad. Anyway, the conversation ended with his father telling him I had ruined their family…:S I was so upset, I told him to go home and deal with his parents because I wasn’t putting up with it anymore. At the end of that week, he dumped me. I don’t understand. The week prior he asked my mom if he could maybe move in when he ended high school and told me he loved the peace in my family. At his house it was like living in a soap opera.But he was so attached to his parents even though they treated him like ****. I called his mother every half hour when we went out (it was a rule) and his cerfew was 9 pm...hes going to be 18! There it is. I feel so stupid because the whole second year I wanted to brake up with him but never did because he swore he couldn’t live without me and that he would love me forever. Then all of a sudden, he brakes up with me :S Why did I never brake up with him when I wanted to so bad? Did he leave me because I’m a bad person? He said I had too many issues…I have been abused in the past but I think I delt with it okay...I did see a social worker after my uncle died and she said I didn’t need to see her after like two weeks. Anyway,sorry if this is really long. Just needed to tell my story. Any thoughts aboutif I should feel responsible for him braking up with me? I admit I did freak out more then once...I feel bad about it. I cried and cried and it couldnt' have been easy for him. Hes been telling everyone that I was controlling and bossy. That I always had to be right...I hope it's not true. I admit I lectured him a lot but only with the intention of helping him...not to make him feel bad. He said it made him feel inferior :S Did he ever really love me? Edited November 14, 2011 by Rose_Petal
ErgoStep Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I wanted to brake up with him but never did because he swore he couldn’t live without me and that he would love me forever. Then all of a sudden, he brakes up with me :S Why did I never brake up with him when I wanted to so bad? Did he leave me because I’m a bad person? It's irrelevant why he broke up with you. You wanted to break up with him. It's done. You are not a bad person, and you will find a good man.
Rorschach64 Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 (edited) Look here you smelly JROTC person God knows why he even broke up with you, I would suspect his parents had a role in it but whatever, it doesn't matter like Ergo said since it is over. (Just saw your other post...sorry about the other girl but it happens, I had it happen to me with my ex-fiancee) I won't repeat what you've said already, you both are young and that's how it is man. What is really important here is that you take your time away from this individual via NC and reflect on yourself as a person, the relationship, and recognize that all relationships are a partnership, 50-50 share in responsibility even in most break ups but not all. Did he ever love you? I would say yes. Did he love you in the end? That I cannot say since he seems easily influenced. Now you know what you need to do, live those Army Values and Warrior ethos, hopefully you know them!!! Edited November 14, 2011 by Rorschach64
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