Kyle787 Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I have a thing for a girl who I've been friends with. We are both 20 and neither of us has had a real relationship before. Since I invited her and her friends over to my apartment this weekend and we all had a good time, I feel it's time to ask her out. Just throwing something out, I never call her for anything so I was going to text her to see when she could talk, call her, talk a bit, then say something along the lines of "Hey look, I know you said your field hockey season was over, right? Well I want you to come with me this weekend to get some dinner. Interested?" I can tell right now, whatever I say, the answer will be "yes" or "i don't know I'll have to see what I am doing" because she is always stubborn like that. I'm just also trying to figure out how to handle the second answer if it comes.
Mircea Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Don't overanalyze this. Just imagine how your life would be tomorrow, after she tells you flat to your face that she doesn't want you (you are outcome dependent now and that's a problem), and get in a sexual state before you talk to her.
johan Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I think it would be conky. Or maybe cockident? The best thing to do would just be to ask her out directly. Don't beat around the bush or try to be tactical about it. But be prepared to see the "friendship" go into awkward mode after you do, if she isn't interested. If you can keep it from getting to you, you might be able to keep her in your life. I really think if she was interested, she would have made it obvious to you.
jobaba Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I have a thing for a girl who I've been friends with. We are both 20 and neither of us has had a real relationship before. Since I invited her and her friends over to my apartment this weekend and we all had a good time, I feel it's time to ask her out. Just throwing something out, I never call her for anything so I was going to text her to see when she could talk, call her, talk a bit, then say something along the lines of "Hey look, I know you said your field hockey season was over, right? Well I want you to come with me this weekend to get some dinner. Interested?" I can tell right now, whatever I say, the answer will be "yes" or "i don't know I'll have to see what I am doing" because she is always stubborn like that. I'm just also trying to figure out how to handle the second answer if it comes. Yea. That's pretty good. Pretty confident. Active instead of passive. Maybe throw something funny in, "I was thinking you're just the right person to keep me company." Don't tell her when (this weekend). Just say sometime. You don't know what she has planned already. When she asks when, say, "Say yes, and I'll let you know." This exact approach worked for me very recently.
USMCHokie Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Please for the love of god don't text her to ask her to dinner. Either ask her in person or call her and ask her. And to answer your question in very general terms, confidence is knowing you're the sh*t, while cockiness/arrogance is needing everyone around you to know you're the sh*t.
jobaba Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I think it would be conky. Or maybe cockident? The best thing to do would just be to ask her out directly. Don't beat around the bush or try to be tactical about it. But be prepared to see the "friendship" go into awkward mode after you do, if she isn't interested. If you can keep it from getting to you, you might be able to keep her in your life. I really think if she was interested, she would have made it obvious to you. I disagree. When I was Kyle's age, I asked a woman out (that I knew similarly from social circles) by calling her, telling her I thought she was pretty, and that we should go out 'sometime' and do 'something' if you're interested. She said yes (found out later it was because she wanted to be nice) and I showed up at her door with a bouquet of flowers. You think I had any chance after that ridiculously wussy series of events? I don't even need to tell anyone how that date ended. By bringing the right approach, at least you'll have a chance.
Author Kyle787 Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 jobaba: I like your style. I may try that. To the others, thanks. Just to clarify when I get around to asking her, it would be over the phone. I would never text a girl to ask them out. I could still stay friends if it's a no, that's no big deal because I don't make it into one. Getting through to her is almost like getting into fort Knox. Everything is so complicated since she has never really been engaged before. Texting her before would be like talking to a wall, but now it's more two sided and she'll tease me from time to time.
D-Lish Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I think it would be conky. Or maybe cockident. ..............................
USMCHokie Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 I just realized what you meant. Women have this ... desire to figure out their guy. c&f works pretty well into drawing attention to yourself, but in the long run when you get to relationships ... it's confidence that is needed. Eh, I tend to believe that cocky and funny is just a cooked up, artificial and forced way to draw attention to yourself when you have accepted that you're rather unremarkable. When you are truly confident, you are do everything better than everyone else just by being you. You don't TRY harder to get noticed...you just naturally get noticed...you speak with more poise and assertiveness; you lead and people want to follow; people just know you're a good guy, you don't have to tell them. Women will be interested in you because women want to be with you and men want to be you. Confidence isn't something you show; it's something you are.
D-Lish Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Eh, I tend to believe that cocky and funny is just a cooked up, artificial and forced way to draw attention to yourself when you have accepted that you're rather unremarkable. When you are truly confident, you are do everything better than everyone else just by being you. You don't TRY harder to get noticed...you just naturally get noticed...you speak with more poise and assertiveness; you lead and people want to follow; people just know you're a good guy, you don't have to tell them. Women will be interested in you because women want to be with you and men want to be you. Confidence isn't something you show; it's something you are. Agree with you. Confidence and Cockiness are at opposite ends of the spectrum. A confident guy doesn't need to prove anything, but a cocky guy will go out of his way to prove something because he's insecure.
insertnamehere Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Here's the simple litmus test for confident vs cocky: You're at a club. Another guy says, "What are you lookin at, bitch?" A confident man deflects the confrontation. A cocky man steers into it.
USMCHokie Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Here's the simple litmus test for confident vs cocky: You're at a club. Another guy says, "What are you lookin at, bitch?" A confident man deflects the confrontation. A cocky man steers into it. More simply put, cocky people do with words, confident people do with actions.
dasein Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Screen out the ones who can't give you an answer in a reasonable time, 1 hour max. The "I have to check what I'm doing" is complete BS in the computer age. Let the other guys suffer with those, be smarter and more selective. Also agree, no texting, ever, call, ask out, shut up. Wait for her to give a yes or no answer. Take her out, have fun, light flirty fun. Don't call between dates, don't ask out for the next date during the one you are on. Take them out on early weeknights until you are sure they are worth your weekend time. Keep things simple and keep yourself sane. Nobody ever taught me this and I wasted so much time in my youth in silly drama games with women. Good luck.
Niagara Falls Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 call her up and ask her exactly what you said in your post. shes not gonna think your weird for calling her even if you never have before, once she realizes why you called (I always felt the same way about calling someone at our age, but everyone is right, texting is just not an option for this and is stupid in general) and remember to not be result-oriented. if this one doesnt work move to the next, its variance, and the more girls you interact with and fail with the sooner youll find the one that works
Author Kyle787 Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 call her up and ask her exactly what you said in your post. shes not gonna think your weird for calling her even if you never have before, once she realizes why you called (I always felt the same way about calling someone at our age, but everyone is right, texting is just not an option for this and is stupid in general) and remember to not be result-oriented. if this one doesn't work move to the next, its variance, and the more girls you interact with and fail with the sooner you'll find the one that works I see what you are saying. And dasein, thanks. Your post was short sweet and to the point. Sorry for kind of bumping this, I had a mini emergency and wanted to follow up. Just out of curiosity, is it better to ask women on dates during weekdays? Or stick to weekends? Of the half dozen legit dates I have had, it's always bee on a Saturday or Friday night.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Don't text, call. Or text and ask if you can call, if you think calling is too blunt. Other than that I personally hate when people start off a sentence with "look" or "listen". Maybe that's just me but it's a peeve. "So" is acceptable--"so, hockey is over and...." Hokie was right about confident versus cocky. They aren't interchangeable and don't necessarily come with each other. Cockiness gives away an insecurity about "needing" to appear confident. Acting implies confidence--it doesn't need to come with a swagger.
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