PabloConfused Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I never thought I'd be using a site like this, but then again, I never thought I'd find myself in a situation like I do right now, haha. So, to go to the beginning, I'm a guy and met a girl last semester at college. We hit it off pretty quickly and things got flirty frequently, all the time, whether we were alone together or around other people. I knew the girl was planning to transfer elsewhere (about 2.5 hours away) at the end of the semester so I tried my best to put a cap on my feelings, but it just did not work; there was way too much of a connection. We had many little games, inside jokes, and a whole myriad of other things that we could call our own that we enjoyed sharing with each other. The semester ended (with very long, emotional goodbye hugs and words) and the summer rolled around. I realized then that I was in no mood to give this up, distance be damned. We kept in touch via e-mail and the phone regularly, building up to my paying her a visit at her new school at a function hosted there. We met up and things instantly got back to where they were before. I got a million and one hugs, "I really missed you"s, and hand-holding. It seemed to be obvious there were still feelings; while in line for something, she ordered what she wanted and randomly turned to me and went "I...really missed you" and gave me a hug (one of many seemingly random outbursts of that); we walked about the place holding hands or arm-in-arm for long periods of time; she reached out for several hand holds while we were all sitting down at the function; and during an intermission, she completely ditched another friend of hers who had come up to visit her to hang out with me one-on-one for a while. The day again ended with a long, emotional hug and goodbye. After this day, I felt extremely confident about where everything was heading. This was further validated in continued communications after this, via e-mail and the phone. Phone conversations had now gotten to where she regularly referred to me as "My man" when telling her stories of things that happened to me here, and ended with goodbyes like "Hugs and kisses!" and things of that sort, all the while staying flirty and friendly like always before. I continued to feel great about where things were heading. I thought I could make this work, despite the distance. Then came the phone conversation a few days ago. A long, flirty conversation like usual ensued, and when I made a typical joke along the lines of "So, you gonna admit your feelings for me any time soon?" I got the bomb dropped on me. She responds playfully "Noooooooo...well, I actually have something to tell you about that: I've been on a couple dates with this guy." I managed to keep it together and listened to her tell me about how she's connected with this guy faster than anyone else she's ever met. I continued to keep it all together until the conversation ended. I had a playful e-mail like we usually exchange from her in my inbox a few minutes after the conversation ended, which almost made me feel worse about this all. Distance, bane of my existence.... I've not been doing well in the days following this revelation. I am in absolutely no mood to give up on this; I have put a lot into this, but I am just not sure of what I have at my disposal at this point. I feel I'm creeping towards getting myself stuck in the friend zone if I keep up communication like normal and have to hear about this new guy, but given the distance, not communicating (which would be very conspicuous given the frequency with which we currently communicate) runs the risk of my falling out of her consciousness, which I was doing a great job of avoiding. At the same time, if there are feelings and I suddenly fall out of the picture, she'll likely try to get my attention back...and if not, then it's definitely over. It's a gamble. There's also the fact that she and I share a mutual friend, a girl, who I am on absolutely fantastic terms with...but she seems to be more a friend of the girl I'm after than me. I was considering trying to get her to help, but I worry that it could create more harm than good if her loyalties are with the girl I'm after. Yet another gamble, but I'm starting to think I might have to take a big one at this point. Others say it's just college (she's a junior) and that people come and go all the time, so I shouldn't feel too defeated yet. Any advice?
xboomy Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 If you really feel like shes the one for you, go for it! Make her feel like you care for her more than just a friend. Tell her you want to come visit her so she can show u around time. Send her flowers. Do something. Good LUCK
Author PabloConfused Posted November 14, 2011 Author Posted November 14, 2011 Between the time that I made my original post and saw the replies, I actually found out some information whose implications I'm not quite sure of. During the phone conversation where she dropped the bomb on me, she mentioned the event she met the guy at. Said event took place a over a month before I went up to visit her. Does it mean anything that my visit went so well/flirty after this other guy was already in the picture?
xboomy Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 She could just want the best of both worlds. From experience, when ive talked to more than one guy, Ive always ended up with the one that expressed there feelings more clearly. Maybe u should let her know that u want to be in a committed relationship with her, that is assuming that you do. I feel like you shouldn't give up without letting her know how you feel completely. And lets say she doesn't want to be with you, at least u know u gave it a chance. Communication is always the key...
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