Jane2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 (edited) I just started dating a guy about a week and a couple days ago; we've seen each other twice for dates and have exchanged texts and emails in-between. We've kissed and done heavy sexual stuff already, also (though not had actual intercourse). I'm realizing that he's more into me than I am into him. I enjoy hanging out with him and talking, but I'm not smitten with him. When I'm not around him, I'm not dying for him to text or call me. It's nice when he does so, but...well, I'm just not giddy about him. But I do give him affection. I kiss him and do sexual things with him. But is it wrong for me to keep seeing him, knowing that he's more into me than I am into him? The other very odd thing about this is that he is in an open relationship with another person. It's a long story, but here's a short version. He has been with a girl who I happen to know for about a year and a couple months. He's always wanted a traditional relationship, but she wants an open relationship. And so he agreed to it. And in the process of being willing to date other people, he came upon me, and I'm dating him. But I'm only somewhat into him. I guess to bottom-line it: Is there any justification for dating someone you have lukewarm feelings for? (in this case, me with the lukewarm feelings). Edited November 13, 2011 by Jane2011 title error Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 No, life's too short for this. I really have to be careful myself with this because I've had the habit of dating a girl just because she was interested in me even if I was only lukewarm about her... Link to post Share on other sites
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 In a nutshell, he's going to be more sad than you will when the relationship ends. That's the only downside. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Its not okay. Youre wasting your time, more importantly, youre wasting his. SO this is what you do, you tell him that youre not as into him as he is into you, you probably will never be, and if he wants to still date you, then youre guilt free. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Its not okay. Youre wasting your time, more importantly, youre wasting his. SO this is what you do, you tell him that youre not as into him as he is into you, you probably will never be, and if he wants to still date you, then youre guilt free. Why should she continue to live without the butterflies just because he is willing...? It may sound selfish, but this is honestly more about her than it is about him... Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Why should she continue to live without the butterflies just because he is willing...? It may sound selfish, but this is honestly more about her than it is about him... She wants to know how to do it guilt free, if she has nothing better to do that live without butterflies with someone in an open relationship, thats her prerogative. As long as she lets him know, so that he knows what went wrong if she breaks it off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane2011 Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 Well, I do not want to hurt this guy, and I will say that if I continue to feel fairly lukewarm a whole three or four weeks in, I'll say something. But at this point I think I am going to see him a few more times to see how things go. I am lukewarm, but lukewarm is just as close to hot as it is to cold, at least in the way I mean it. I want to see him a few more times to gauge this situation because I have had a female friend who was wishy-washy about her guy for a whole three months before there was this breakthrough of appreciation, love, and affection toward him; they're solid now, have been together one full year. She says it's one of the best relationships she's ever had. I think a little of why I may feel lukewarm toward the guy I am talking about is that he's so emotionally available to me. I think we (as people) tend to get ultra passionate and excited about people who we intuit are just slightly (or extremely) out of our emotional reach. But is that really healthy? I would like to not forever be wanting men who don't want me. When one wants me, as this one seems to, I would like to learn to appreciate it rather than find it somehow emotionally dull. I think I might tell him, anyway, where I am emotionally/attraction-wise at this point (that I like him, but am not in love), but not with the intent to end it, to just be honest with him about how I feel right now, that I want to see if attraction increases/strengthens between us (on my part, that is). Thanks for the feedback! Link to post Share on other sites
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