confusedgirl Posted May 23, 2004 Posted May 23, 2004 for years now iv been sufferin from depression in some kind of way no matter what,even if family lifes going great,friends are surrounding me and i have a loving boyfriend i still feel empty inside.well at the moment in my life i feel empty despite having the boyfriend of my dreams who is in love with me and a lovin mother and father,yet i hav no mates and i find it hard balancing my social life with other activities because i dont have it..neither do i have the confidence to hold down a friend or make a new one...and i bet anyone that replies would normally say ...go out n make a friend n then ur life will b solved but what im sayin is this IS one aspect of my life but the main one is ruining my reputation. every now and then i get this depressing wave of thoughts overpowering the good,i'll be fine one minute havin a laugh and bein all smiles and then i suddenly become depressed,feeling paranoid that evryone is better than me and worried that sum girl on tv will seem more appealin to my bf than me,sometimes when we watch tv i get in a mood because it would be a comedy show n the girls in it will seem hilarious n so perfect,or then adverts come on and i think eevryone will know that knowadays all u see on tv is sex sex sex,and its advertising for only one type of person and thats men,ther will b gorgeous women on tv and adverts that treat women as objects and they hav a laugh about it,which my bloke finds funny yet hes not like this in character may i make a point.but i feel so insecure about it,call it paranoia...thats one problem i have.but ther are moments i get up and leave the room in a storm and mope about,yet i had no intension to do so cos i know that once i do that i will have to explain myself n my bf will b wonderin wat hes done,but when i realise what iv done its like i havent even done it,like sum demon inside has pushed me to act so immaturley...call me wierd but i dont even understand it myself,im tryin to explain it but all i can put it down to is attention seeking.for no aparnt reason though,i dont even want to be so obvious cos i know the end result will be my bf bein totally annoyed with me instead of bein sympathetic,sometimes i cant even explain myself and i just say im fed up with my life at the moment.i really cant understand myself never mind my bf not being able to,but its losing me self respect and mayb other ppls im acting totally out of character and i dont know wat to do,i need advice asap,its so scared of losing my bf,im not bein myself and i dont want him to end up thinkin this is really what im like.
average guy Posted May 23, 2004 Posted May 23, 2004 Hi confusedgirl, It sounds like several things might be going on at once: possible depression, anixity, normal self-confidence/low self-esteem issues, etc. If you find yourself unable to get through a day or cope with normal situations without breaking into tears (or feeling like crying) you might need temporary anti-depressants to help you deal with life while you figure out what is happening. If it is anxiety, you might have to do the same thing. Either way, you should be seeing someone (in fact, you must see a therpist or doctor to get a prescription) to help sort it out. The anit-depressants or anti-anxiety pills just take the edge off while you can "get a grip" and change your life with the help of a therpist, then when you feel more confident, you stop taking them. It could be anywhere from a few months to a couple years. But in any case, you really should see a therapist (there are community health centers, university cousellours, etc. if you are short of funds). Best of luck
dudesomewhere Posted May 24, 2004 Posted May 24, 2004 "im not bein myself and i dont want him to end up thinkin this is really what im like." Well, who you are might just be who you are. Whoever it is you think you are. I'm not being funny, it's a psychiatrically psychological thing. I have a friend who goes through what you are going through...OR it just seems really really familiar. I worry for her. I was in a bookstore and went to the psychology section(I think that's the section) and looked at some books, depression, bi-polar...etc. At first I thought she might be bi-polar as she has said but then I found another book. Borderline Personality Disorder. That throws a whole new ball into the game, making things harder than it already can be. Keeping the definition as simple as possible, it says BPD is a way of being in the world that involves massive mood fluctuations, intense relationships, desperation, and insecurity. But because there is such a gamut, I think my friend is on this end...not too sure where you're at. I want to reach out to you but at the same time fear if that would compound my worries for my friend. Hard stuff you know? Whatever the case, I hope your bf is sympathetic to you and doesn't or isn't annoyed with you. I don't know, I think it's my empathic nature...I never get annoyed when people go through such things...I always want to be there for them. I'm weird
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