NYC-BigKat Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I'm still trying to understand this because its confusing me badly . I was out last night w/ a friend at a sports bar in the city. There were so many girls there it was ridiculous. I was surprised to see so many of them acting as if they liked college football? Anyhow I got on to talking with a pretty cute girl at the front and I asked her about herself & kept the convo going. I tried to not have any silence because I know girls hate that but it didn't matter. She made up a excuse & walked away. Later on not even an hour after I see her again all into some guy in the corner that hardly puts together any sentences. He just nodded most of the time or smirked or something stupid like that but she kept talking to him and then they left together . I felt really bad about this because she seemed nice when we talked but I guess I bored her or something but why would she leave the bar with this guy she dont really know? He hardly said much to her. I saw this again with the bartender and one of the girls buying drinks from him. He just leaned back against the counter w/ his arms folded while she rambled on & on about crap & then he said he let me get your phone # he gets it on the spot? This guy is no good. I can tell by looking at him. I'm here trying to make connections & nothing's working. I make convo w/ girls all the time but it doesn't go beyond that. My friend tells me that I'm boring them by keep talking. He talks a little less than me but dont have a girlfriend either. I dont understand how because if I go quiet they'll get bored & still leave so what other choice do I have? Can someone please tell me what's going on here?
USMCHokie Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I hate to say it but its all part of some ridiculous game. The bar is not the place to have meaningful conversations with a girl you just met. That's what the first date is for...or if you're in a hurry, that's when you suggest someplace else and leave the bar with her. You need to get in and get out. If she has the same intentions as you, then she won't have the patience to put up with your conversation. She just wants to drink and dance, not talk. Bottom line, bars suck if you're looking for something meaningful. Unless you're hot.
Shaun-Dro Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I'm still trying to understand this because its confusing me badly . I was out last night w/ a friend at a sports bar in the city. There were so many girls there it was ridiculous. I was surprised to see so many of them acting as if they liked college football? Anyhow I got on to talking with a pretty cute girl at the front and I asked her about herself & kept the convo going. I tried to not have any silence because I know girls hate that but it didn't matter. She made up a excuse & walked away. Later on not even an hour after I see her again all into some guy in the corner that hardly puts together any sentences. He just nodded most of the time or smirked or something stupid like that but she kept talking to him and then they left together . I felt really bad about this because she seemed nice when we talked but I guess I bored her or something but why would she leave the bar with this guy she dont really know? He hardly said much to her. I saw this again with the bartender and one of the girls buying drinks from him. He just leaned back against the counter w/ his arms folded while she rambled on & on about crap & then he said he let me get your phone # he gets it on the spot? This guy is no good. I can tell by looking at him. I'm here trying to make connections & nothing's working. I make convo w/ girls all the time but it doesn't go beyond that. My friend tells me that I'm boring them by keep talking. He talks a little less than me but dont have a girlfriend either. I dont understand how because if I go quiet they'll get bored & still leave so what other choice do I have? Can someone please tell me what's going on here? Honestly you need not worry about connecting with women. They're worst than anything when it comes to this. I assume it's younger women you're after, so it's gonna be even harder. They don't know how to connect with a man because they don't even understand themselves. When you go to bars, clubs, lounges, whatever, just look to chill out and take in the atmosphere. If you wound up striking a conversation with one of the women there, be sure to keep the drinks coming and success of one kind or another will happen for you.
ErgoStep Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Yes. You're talking too long if she ends the conversation. You need the confidence to ask for her number, imply further interest, and leave.
Eddie Edirol Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 The problem is youre showing too much interest in these girls youre talking to. Asking them about themselves kills the challenge for them to work for your attention. They dont always want to talk about themselves, they just want interesting conversation. The guy she went after probably didnt ask her anything about her, but teased her as if they were his little sister. He framed it so that she has to impress him. and he was probably looking around because he wasnt that interested.
Star Gazer Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Bottom line, bars suck if you're looking for something meaningful. Unless you're hot. Fixed it for you. Being hot or not has nothing to do with it.
USMCHokie Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 Fixed it for you. Being hot or not has nothing to do with it. Hahah, thanks, I can always count on you.
Wolf18 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 "Wrong men"? Don't listen to advice people give you like that. 1) Raise your confidence. Raise your confidence and still get no results? Go to step 2 2) Be nice and listen to women . Do this and still no romantic interest? 3) Shrug your shoulders, they're going after "the wrong guys" Unless you are amazing good looking, women aren't going to bother trying to get to know you in places like bars or clubs. I have no clue where people get the idea that these places are good for getting laid.
Kyle787 Posted November 13, 2011 Posted November 13, 2011 I hate to say it but its all part of some ridiculous game. The bar is not the place to have meaningful conversations with a girl you just met. That's what the first date is for...or if you're in a hurry, that's when you suggest someplace else and leave the bar with her. You need to get in and get out. If she has the same intentions as you, then she won't have the patience to put up with your conversation. She just wants to drink and dance, not talk. Bottom line, bars suck if you're looking for something meaningful. Unless you're hot. Agreed, you need to seem like a busy person with other things to do. Correct me if I'm wrong but women are usually drawn to guys who make them wonder..
Easyguy14 Posted November 14, 2011 Posted November 14, 2011 The problem is youre showing too much interest in these girls youre talking to. Asking them about themselves kills the challenge for them to work for your attention. They dont always want to talk about themselves, they just want interesting conversation. The guy she went after probably didnt ask her anything about her, but teased her as if they were his little sister. He framed it so that she has to impress him. and he was probably looking around because he wasnt that interested. this doesn't sound right to me. you're supposed to ask a woman about her self if you're interested. that sounds logical to me. its okay to talk about other stuff too but you have to ask her questions because if you dont and just keep talking about nothing she'll get bored of you and move on. Im on the fence about what the op is doing wrong but Im gonna go out on a limb and guess that he's showing more interest than necessary instead of just doing the simple give and take so the woman can become interested. also think that bars are terrible in trying to connect. it just wont happen from most people's experiences. try the coffee shop or some other social venue without all that alcohol around and loud music.
Author NYC-BigKat Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 this doesn't sound right to me. you're supposed to ask a woman about her self if you're interested. that sounds logical to me. its okay to talk about other stuff too but you have to ask her questions because if you dont and just keep talking about nothing she'll get bored of you and move on. Im on the fence about what the op is doing wrong but Im gonna go out on a limb and guess that he's showing more interest than necessary instead of just doing the simple give and take so the woman can become interested. also think that bars are terrible in trying to connect. it just wont happen from most people's experiences. try the coffee shop or some other social venue without all that alcohol around and loud music. I was at the post office today & I tried to get some conversation going w/ a girl & she looked for a way out. I still kept my good nature & told her to have a nice evening but I felt lousy. Im seriously wondering what guys are doing to get girls in this city? What am I missing because alot of the guys dont do look all that great
hermie1234 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 As a girl let me give you input: 1) you CAN meet a girl at a bar, depends what kind of bar you are going to, met my ex at a bar, very nice geeky guy who talked to me all night, gave him my number (and I had a meathead hit on me after, pretty gross) 2) What are your interest? What kind of girl you get depends on who you are, if you have nothing in common with the girls you are talking to its never going to happen. 3) Try a dating website, if you don't meet anyone there you can always use the feedback, see why it isn't working for you. 4) Let them do some of the talking, don't just talk ask questions. Try girls who aren't white/american (I'm sure ill get crap for this) they are usually more friendly and don't always go for the typical "good looking" white guy...
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I dont understand how because if I go quiet they'll get bored & still leave so what other choice do I have? Can someone please tell me what's going on here? Rather than just talking about yourself the whole time... ask her some questions. Show some interest in getting to know her.
grkBoy Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Were those guys better looking than you? Or they had a "bad boy" swagger that made women drool?
I have no name Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Well the bar scene is where I have the most success finding girls so let me tell you what works for me. -keep the conversation short. I have noticed the girls I talk to for 5 or so minutes at bars typically respond much more often than the girls who I talk to for 10-15 minutes. -be very playful/flirty. Tease her and try to be as fun as possible. Avoid the boring topics of conversation like 'what do you do for a living'. -after 5 mintues (or even less time in certain cases), go for the close. Get her number and tell her you'll call her soon -try to be memorable. Remeber that she will get hit on many times in that one night. So do something to stand out. Before you end your interaction with her, think whether or not you made a lasting impression. At the very least, make sure she knows your name! lol Otherwise don't expect her to remember you the next day.
xxoo Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 The problem is youre showing too much interest in these girls youre talking to. Asking them about themselves kills the challenge for them to work for your attention. They dont always want to talk about themselves, they just want interesting conversation. The guy she went after probably didnt ask her anything about her, but teased her as if they were his little sister. He framed it so that she has to impress him. and he was probably looking around because he wasnt that interested. I have to admit, the bolded approach to flirting has always drawn me in. I'm not sure all women would respond, but that's my data point.
Yamaha Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Maybe their not looking for a connection or a bf. Maybe their intent is to go out and have fun, flirt with guys and, if their attracted, get his #. Maybe your looking for the wrong girls if you want a gf. Party girls like to have fun but are usually looking for casual hook-ups not the love of their life.
SilverLining Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 When I go to the bars my friends and I get hit on a lot, so let me say what works for us. First of all, be genuinely nice. Lots of guys come forward with some kind of line, and it makes them look needy and kind of pathetic. Also, don't be really forward. I can't tell you how often I'm just walking through the bar and guys will try to pull me to them, or pull my friend away, or they do a sort of cat-call or whatever. It's weird. Just say hi, SMILE, and be genuine. Ask a question or two about the night. If you are interested, ask for her number, and attempt to end the conversation. Tell her it was great meeting her whether you got the number or not. If you did, great, then either leave or say something like, "I see you came with some friends and they might be missing you, so I can let you go." If she says she can stay, then stay. If she says ok and gets ready to leave, tell her you will call her TOMORROW. Then actually call her. Tomorrow. If you didn't get her number, thank her for the conversation and say goodbye. The thing is, you don't have to be the hottest guy there. People are attracted to different things and you never know what they like. One of my friends is gorgeous and she can't stand the muscular, good-looking frat guys that hit on her - she likes older, more slender men who look like they have good jobs. If you talk to someone too much, there's a chance the conversation can become awkward. If she gives you her number and you attempt to split after, there's less chance for her to read into your conversation and what she will remember is that you were nice and likeable. If she didn't like you that much at first, by the end of the night and after being hit on by all kinds of creepy dudes, she might look back on you and think that, hey, he was nice and I should have given him more of a shot. She'll have that mentality when you call her. If she isn't interested and you don't get her number, don't take it personally - she just wasn't attracted. But she doesn't know you, she has no clue who you are, so this is not a personal rejection of yourself as a person. And honestly, she may just be out with the girls, and maybe she was hit on by all kinds of guys and by now she's sick of it. Move on to someone else then. Try a girl who isn't the hottest girl in the bar as well. These girls get hit on too much and usually aren't going to take you seriously.
Shaun-Dro Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Well the bar scene is where I have the most success finding girls so let me tell you what works for me. -keep the conversation short. I have noticed the girls I talk to for 5 or so minutes at bars typically respond much more often than the girls who I talk to for 10-15 minutes. -be very playful/flirty. Tease her and try to be as fun as possible. Avoid the boring topics of conversation like 'what do you do for a living'. -after 5 mintues (or even less time in certain cases), go for the close. Get her number and tell her you'll call her soon -try to be memorable. Remeber that she will get hit on many times in that one night. So do something to stand out. Before you end your interaction with her, think whether or not you made a lasting impression. At the very least, make sure she knows your name! lol Otherwise don't expect her to remember you the next day. This guy's right. Women prefer wondering about a man rather than already having him figured out in 20-30 minutes. When you talk that much to the woman, she will already have you pegged as just another average Joe. You got to stand out from the rest and not in the sense of becoming some one you're not, but more in just not saying much, however picking a good conversation to kick off. Then, walk off on her without saying bye; just a nod should suffice. I guarantee you she'll be wanting more and will go out of her way to find you, especially if there was a sprinkling of attraction on her part. But definitely what you're doing, OP, ain't going to work. Hot women hate nice guys. They're everywhere. Just be you. You've got opinions, attitude, some issues, let it hang. Don't try to bottle it up like a Genie. By doing this you'll get her to relax and be herself in return.
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